On the English Translation of Portrait Description in the Two Versions of A Dream of Red Mansions from the Perspective of Diction

高林芝

【Abstract】A Dream of Red Mansions is one of the four Chinese classic fictions. Many scholars tried to make a cultural and critical research on it and then formed a new subject called Redology. And its two famous English versions of translation are A Dream of Red Mansions which is translated by Yang Hsien-yi &Gladys Yang as well as David Hawks The Story of the Stone. In this paper， I shall first briefly introduce the main standards of word selection in translation， and then I shall analyze and contrast the English translation of portrait description in the above two versions from the perspective of diction（the main standards of word selection）.

【Key words】portrait description； diction； main standards of word selection

Ⅰ. Introduction

When introducing the characters in this famous novel， the original author Tsao Hsuen-chin sketched the outline of them with a vivid description. Some introductions are directly from the authors eyes while others are from the prospective of other characters， no matter in which approach， his diction is appropriate. To attain faithfulness， expressiveness and elegance of translation， the diction of the translators should be paid enough attention.

II. Main Standards of Word Selection and contrasting of the English versions of Portrait Description

Two phrases “a single word being worth a thousand pieces of gold” and “the change of word leading to a regretful flaw” can better explain the extreme importance of word selection in translation. In the preface of dictionary The Right Word at the Right Time， the editor made a good simile with the importance of word selection， “Using the right word at the right time is rather like wearing appropriate clothing for the occasion： it is a courtesy to others， and a favor to yourself-a matter of presenting yourself well in the eyes of the world.”

2.1 Standard of Fidelity

Fidelity is the choice of correct expression according to certain occasion. As a saying goes， “Do not write so that your words may be understood， but write so that your words must be understood.” And famous American writer Mark Twain also said that “The difference between the right word and the almost-right word is as great as that between lighting and the lighting bug.” The translated versions should be loyal to the original works， so the translators mustn't make some unforgivable mistakes when they choose words firstly.

In chapter 46， Tsao Hsuen-chin described the servant girl Faithful（鴛鴦） as “兩邊腮上微微的幾點(diǎn)雀斑”， Yangs version and Hawks version are respectively “her cheeks were slightly freckled” and “the cheeks slightly spotted with a few tiny moles”. Hawks translated “雀斑” into “moles” whose meaning is “黑痣”， which is not suitable for Faithfuls lovely looks because one can hardly imagine a girl is beautiful to attract lecherous Jia She with a few tiny moles spotted on the cheeks， “were slightly freckled” is more correct than “spotted with a few tiny moles”. But strictly speaking， Hawks word selection loses its fidelity to the original meaning of the word. In addition， the sentence “氣質(zhì)美如蘭，才華阜比仙” was the description of Miao-yu. Yangs version used “By nature fair as an orchid， with talents to match an immortal” and Hawks version was “Heaven made you like a flower， with grace and wit to match the gods”. The word “flower” didn't embody Miao-yus special disposition， the direct translation “orchid” can better suit her. Therefore the diction should at first consider the correct meaning of words， that is to say， fidelity is the first step to successful translation.

2.2 Standard of Conciseness

Fidelity is the premise of conciseness and conciseness is the guarantee of fidelity. The authority in the creation of English essays agrees with Shakespeares words “Brevity is the soul of wit”and regards it as the criterion. Any words that cant add any new meanings should be deleted， so are the words to be chosen in translation.

The original version uses “腮凝新荔，鼻膩鵝脂” to describe Ying-chuns white and slender skin， Hawks translated it into “cheeks as white and firm as a fresh lychee and a nose as white and shiny as soap made from the white goose-fat”， Yangs version is “Her cheeks were the texture of newly ripened lichees， her nose as sleek as goose fat”， the former one is better than the latter one from the sentence structure by using “as+adj.+as”， Hawks used the word “white” for three times while Yang just picked one word “sleek” to highlight her white skin， it is more simple， local and expressive.“俊眼修眉，顧盼神飛” is to describe Tan-chuns bright and piercing eyes， which present an air of wisdom. Hawks version “expressive eyes shot out glances that sparkled with animation” is a literal translation， Yang only used three words “l(fā)ovely dancing eyes” to catch the readers attention， especially the word “dancing”， gave her an alert and flexible insight and made it more approachable to the original works.

2.3 Standard of Gracefulness

The words to be chosen in translation should be not only harmonious with the context， but also beautiful in the form and rhythm， the finishing touch lies exactly in this. But gracefulness should be on the basis of fidelity and conciseness， or pursuing the fancy phrases unilaterally would bring readers a sense of loading.

How the vivid and graceful translation affect the whole level of the version？ For example， “含情目” was to describe Dai-yus deep feelings in the eyes， Hawks version used “her passionate eyes” and Yang used “her speaking eyes”. The former translation is correct but not good enough， the word “speaking” highlights the complex emotions of Dai-yu， it is vivid and impressive.“天然一段風(fēng)騷，全在眉梢；平生萬種情思，悉堆眼角” was to depict a spoony and talented Bao-yu. Yangs version is “his nature charm appeared most in his brows， for his eyes sparkled with a world of feeling” and Hawks version is “a world of charm upon that brow was heaped； a world of feeling from those dark eyes peeped”. The translation of verbs “在” “堆” in Yangs version were “appeared” and “sparkled with”， which express the faithfulness of the original version. but Hawks version picked “heaped” and “peeped” to express both faithfulness and rhythm of translation， such diction directly influence the aesthetic attitude of the translated works. According to the above-aboard two examples， graceful word choice is an important criterion for excellent translation， especially for literature works.

Ⅲ. Conclusion

Comparing the styles of the two versions of A Dream of Red Mansions， we can find that Yang Hsien-yi used the literal translation， because with his background being Chinese， he wanted to express the source language more faithful， while Hawks mainly used the liberal translation， because with his background being English， he wanted the readers can find the similar context and occasion that the Chinese readers felt. This also has the differences between foreignization and domestication in common， but at least these two complete English versions of A Dream of Red Mansions enjoy high praises both at home and abroad. Therefore， making a study of these two versions from the perspective of diction is worth a lot， it can not only help readers understand the differences between different culture backgrounds and master the knowledge of translation skills and appreciation skills， but also help people learn from each other and make exchanges with each other.

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