景點(diǎn)描述類說明文

成青峰

景點(diǎn)描述類短文，屬于說明性的應(yīng)用文，要求層次分明，描述有序。

說明文是以介紹、描述為主，應(yīng)防止平鋪直敘、語言乏味、句型單一，要注重多種句型（簡單句、并列句、復(fù)合句）的交替使用，準(zhǔn)確使用描繪性文字；此外，提前策劃好描述的順序和線索非常重要，以避免內(nèi)容雜亂無章。

介紹“概況”時應(yīng)以第三人稱為主；描述“感受”用第二人稱或第一人稱較為合適，讓讀者有“親臨其境”之感，具有一定的煽動性。文體決定時態(tài)，說明文介紹說明的往往是“現(xiàn)實(shí)存在”，所以應(yīng)以一般現(xiàn)在時為主。

題目

長白山是中國最大的自然保護(hù)區(qū)，是眾多不同種類的動植物的棲息地。在那里，不僅能欣賞到美麗的天池及周邊環(huán)繞的16座山峰，還可浸泡在溫池中盡情地放松身心。

成因：池水由地下熱水和滾燙的巖石加熱。

概況：1000平方米內(nèi)有13個溫泉，部分水溫60度以上，水溫低一些的溫泉適合泡浴。

作用：享用溫泉食物（如溫泉煮雞蛋）；溫泉泡浴，放松心情，有益健康。

根據(jù)上述素材，寫一篇以Hot Pools At Changbaishan為題的短文。

分析

長白山風(fēng)景區(qū)概述部分作為“背景”放在第一段，不宜多寫；短文標(biāo)題決定了“Hot Pools”是重點(diǎn)，根據(jù)表格內(nèi)的文字提示，溫泉的形成原因、概況、作用應(yīng)是文章的主體。

Hot Pools At Changbaishan

Located in the northeastern part of China， Changbaishan， which is described as a wonderland where varieties of animals and plants live， is the largest nature reserve in China. Not only can we visit the beautiful Tianchi and sixteen mountain peaks surrounding it， but we can relax ourselves in the springs as well.

The hot spring is heated by underground hot water and hot rocks. In one thousand square meters lie thirteen hot springs， some of which reach a temperature of 60 degrees. While the springs of lower temperature are suitable for people to have a bath.

As is widely acknowledged， having a hot spring bath makes us relaxed us after hard work or study and contributes to our health. When bathing in the spring， we may also enjoy such delicious food as the eggs boiled in the hot spring.

There is no doubt that you will have a lot of fun to visit Changbaishan hot pools！

點(diǎn)評

1. 全文層次分明，過渡自然，詳略得當(dāng)，發(fā)揮適度，語言流暢，亮點(diǎn)頻出；時態(tài)使用恰當(dāng)，描述泡溫泉的“感受”時使用第一人稱，讓讀者有親切感，體現(xiàn)了長白山溫泉的吸引力。

2. Not only can we visit the beautiful Tianchi and sixteen mountain peaks surrounding it， but we can relax ourselves in the springs as well.此句中surrounding it（現(xiàn)在分詞短語作定語），can we visit（倒裝句型）及短語as well的使用展示出較好的語言功底，并列連詞詞組not only ... but （also） 的使用體現(xiàn)出作者對長句有效把握的能力。

3. In one thousand square meters lie thirteen hot springs， some of which reach a temperature of 60 degrees.句中使用了倒裝句型，避免了句子“頭重腳輕”，動詞lie的應(yīng)用體現(xiàn)出“溫泉的自然存在”，some of which（定語從句）更是一大亮點(diǎn)。

4. As is widely acknowledged（定語從句）， There is no doubt that（同位語從句）等句型的使用非常到位、貼切，既豐富、活躍了全文的句型，又讓人覺得“不能不相信泡溫泉的好處與樂趣”，進(jìn)一步強(qiáng)化了“溫泉的吸引力”，使文章以亮點(diǎn)結(jié)束。

不足之處：

1. Located in the northeastern part of China， Changbaishan， which is described as a wonderland where varieties of animals and plants live， is the largest nature reserve in China. 句中which is（定語從句）的使用不太自然，而且和where引導(dǎo)的定語從句有些重復(fù)，最好改為Located in the northeastern part of China， Changbaishan， is the largest nature reserve in China where live varieties of animals and plants.減去一個定語從句，且加上倒裝，顯得更簡約、自然。

2. 段落過多，最后一段是“泡溫泉好處”的“總結(jié)和升華”，與上一段合并成一段較好。

習(xí)作2

Hot Pools at Changbaishan

Changbaishan is the largest Nature Reserve in China. The sixteen mountain peaks contrast finely with the blue sky. In the Nature Reserve live a large variety of animals and plants. How beautiful the place is！ But what appeals to people most are the hot pools in Changbaishan.

The beautiful pools do attract many tourists all over the world. But how did the pool come into being？ They are heated by underground hot water and hot rocks. The area of 1000㎡ contains 13 hot springs. Some of them has a temperature of over 60℃. Some lower ones are suitable for people to bathe in. People can relax themselves while taking a hot spring bath and it is good for their health. Whats more， it is perfect for you to enjoy “hot spring food”， such as eggs boiled in the hot spring.

What fun it is to visit the hot pools. Are there any reasons for us to miss them？ Of course not.

點(diǎn)評

1. 全文安排合理，詳略得當(dāng)，語言較流暢，時態(tài)使用處理，過渡自然。

2. In the Nature Reserve live a large variety of animals and plants. 該倒裝句用得很好，variety一詞體現(xiàn)出景區(qū)動植物種類繁多。

3. But what appeals to people most is the hot pools in Changbaishan.句中what從句（主語從句）、短語appeals to應(yīng)用得恰到好處，連詞But的使用不僅表示轉(zhuǎn)折，更多的是通過轉(zhuǎn)折對比來展現(xiàn)the hot pools的吸引力，整句起到過渡句“承上啟下”的作用。

4. The beautiful pools do attract many tourists all over the world.此句和上段末句形成呼應(yīng)，助動詞do的使用起到強(qiáng)化全文主題的作用。

5. 文中先后使用了兩個自問自答式句子：But how did the pool come into being？ They are heated by underground hot water and hot rocks.和Are there any reasons for us to miss them？ Of course not.不失為一種特色。

不足之處：

1. 全文以簡單句為主，并列句、復(fù)合句極少，句型較單一，雖然文中沒有什么語言錯誤，但是讀起來仍有“平淡無味”之感，自然難以得到高分。把前兩句Changbaishan is the largest Nature Reserve in China. The sixteen mountain peaks contrast finely with the blue sky.改為Changbaishan is the largest Nature Reserve in China with sixteen mountain peaks contrasting finely with the blue sky.這樣效果和展示的語言功底明顯不一樣，自然可起到“活躍文句、增加亮點(diǎn)、提高得分”的功效。

2. 描述泡溫泉的“感受”時使用第三人稱（如they、people等），讀起來缺乏“親臨其境”之感，缺乏感染力，不能較好地體現(xiàn)出長白山溫泉的吸引力。

【范文】

Hot Fools at Changbaishan

Changbaishan， Chinas biggest nature reserve is home to a great diversity of plants and animals. Besides enjoying the beautiful sight of of Tianchi and sixteen mountain peaks surrounding it， you can also relax in the nearby hot springs.

There are 13 pools in an area of 1，000 square meters， which are heated by hot water out of the ground， or heated by boiling rocks in the ground. Some pools are very hot （over 60℃）. If you are hungry， put an egg into the water， and you will have a delicious egg after a few minutes. But others are very pleasant for bathing. You can choose one you like best.

Staying in the pools can not only help you refresh yourself but also be good for health. Its a great enjoyment to bathe in hot springs admiring the beautiful scenery.