To Be Modest Or Not?

By Li Gang

To Be Modest Or Not?

By Li Gang

About the author: Li Gang is a professor at the Beijing University of Posts and Telecommunications.

Chinese people advocate two kinds of attitudes regarding modesty.

“Take a step back and a boundless world appears before you,” is one such attitude.

“Feel duty-bound to shoulder your responsibility,” is another.

Should we be modest or not? The answer is one of nuance – there are times when modesty is called for, and those when full responsibility should be taken.

Tending the Roots of Wisdom, a Chinese classic containing traditional Chinese Buddhist thought, points out the virtue of modesty. On a narrow road, one should stop and wait until another from the other side passes first, and when having delicious food, one should set aside one-third to share with others, the author wrote. Both are excellent examples of how to conduct oneself in society. If a person always keeps such modesty in mind, his life will be smooth. Those who seem to be giving up something are actually gaining something intangible, but much more valuable.

Generally speaking, if there are social conflicts, both parties concerned may be held responsible. Both should take the initiative to show modesty, looking to find areas in which they are at fault. To give in first for modest reasons is to let time and facts vindicate themselves, so unnecessary quarrels and unscrupulous dealings with other parties can be avoided. Such modest behavior is indeed a virtue. In cases of misunderstandings arising among relatives and friends, anger will not resolve disputes. Temporary tolerance can restore a positive image, thus gaining fair appraisal and praise.

During the Qing Dynasty (1644-1911), two neighbors once had a dispute over the position of a wall dividing their land and were ready to go to court. One of them turned to a powerful relative named Zhang Ying, then a high-ranking official in Beijing. Zhang did not use his influence, but wrote a letter of reply instead.

“You wrote me for just a narrow piece of land; I would give them a space of three chi [a traditional Chinese unit of measurement, equivalent to about 30 centimeters] wide. While the Great Wall remains to this day, the First Emperor of Qin is not alive anymore.”Zhang’s relatives understood the meaning and followed his advice. Their neighbor also felt embarrassed and withdrew three chi as well. The two neighbors restored their friendship, no longer striving for land but showing heartfelt modesty.

To be modest is not to be cowardly, instead it requires confidence and forbearance. It is considered a type of insight and generosity. He who can control himself has profundity and strength. It is a manifestation of great talent and broad vision.

Confucius once said: “In terms of benevolence, there is no need for people to show modesty even before their teacher.” Of course, it is not wrong to obey and respect teachers, displaying modesty before them. But when it comes to practicing justice and benevolence, one should come forward without hesitation. This contains two meanings: first, when a person’s correct opinion conflicts with his teacher’s wrong one, he should not be modest, but insist on his position. Such an interpretation matches Greek philosopher Aristotle’s motto, “I love my teacher, but love truth more”. The second meaning is to actively practice good-heartedness rather than simply inactively project modesty.

If modesty is not required regarding benevolence, even before one’s teachers, there is no need for modesty before others. Today when we talk about practicing benevolence, we omit the words “in front of teachers”. This means that one should not be passive when practicing what is thought to be just and benevolent.

In real life, being modest means relinquishing one’s haughtiness and remaining adept at compromising and taking on a humble attitude. For a Chinese man to be great, his bearing should be modest, but only when necessary.