當(dāng)眾哺乳礙著誰(shuí)？

By+Amber+Hinds+++王炤翔

2015年11月底，一位母親在北京地鐵哺乳遭到偷拍，偷拍者將照片傳至網(wǎng)上并指責(zé)其行為失當(dāng)。此事一經(jīng)曝出便引發(fā)爭(zhēng)議：有人覺(jué)得是母親做法不雅，有人認(rèn)為是偷拍者無(wú)恥。其實(shí)，當(dāng)眾哺乳的做法并沒(méi)有什么不對(duì)，這是一位母親面對(duì)嗷嗷待哺的孩子所做的再自然不過(guò)的舉動(dòng)。然而，公共場(chǎng)所母乳喂養(yǎng)室的缺乏致使類(lèi)似事件和沖突頻繁發(fā)生。針對(duì)這一現(xiàn)狀，聯(lián)合國(guó)兒童基金會(huì)發(fā)起“母愛(ài)十平方”活動(dòng)，倡議公共場(chǎng)所設(shè)立母嬰室，為母乳喂養(yǎng)提供更多支持。但愿未來(lái)媽媽們?cè)谕獠溉椴辉賾n慮，也不會(huì)再被人投以異樣的眼光。

Every now and then， a news report or story related to nursing1） in public pops up in my news feeds. Often， its about a mother who was asked to stop nursing while doing so in a restaurant or store. Sometimes， these stories are reporting on the result of a mother being asked to stop breastfeeding： the civil protest by a bunch of breastfeeding mothers. Either way， it usually comes with a very heated debate about whether or not nursing in public is OK.

I only comment on these stories occasionally. Not because I dont support breastfeeding when and wherever you and your baby please. But being asked to stop nursing is completely beyond my realm of experience； it seems， in a way， fictional.

Between my two daughters， Nora and Zara， I have breastfed for more than three years. In that time， I have breastfed in more places than I can list； everywhere from malls and grocery stores to airplanes and trains to restaurants， parks， beaches—and even while walking down the street. When Nora was a baby and I had to work， I was very lucky to be able to occasionally bring her with me， and thus I have even breastfed while at work： not just in my own office， but also during staff meetings with my boss and colleagues. In all of that time， I have never once been asked by an owner or employee of a business to stop nursing， relocate or cover up.

Until Saturday.

Saturday afternoon， my husband， Chris， and I decided that we would spend the afternoon together as a family at the county rec center2）s indoor pool. That day， we put on our bathing suits， loaded up the stroller and walked over. We swam， floated and splashed for an hour before we got out of the pool for a break， at which point it became clear that my 3-month-old was hungry and more than a little tired. Without thinking twice， I did the perfectly natural thing： hugged her close “tummy to mummy，” adjusted my bathing suit and latched her on. The conversation Chris and I were having did not miss a beat3）， and Zara quickly settled in.

Ill be the first to admit， there was a little more of my breast visible than would be the case if we hadnt been at the pool. While I cant say that I have ever nursed under a blanket， save one awkward time trying to disappear on a bench in the mall when my older daughter was still a newborn （after which I realized that the blanket was way more trouble than it was worth）， I do generally wear clothes that keep my skin from being exposed while nursing. Its not exactly my prerogative4） to flash my breasts around， but babies have to eat and in our family that is how they do it ... and honestly， given the size and cut of some of the bikinis in the swimming pool that day， I can hardly understand how someone could complain about seeing a tiny bit more of my breast as I used it for its intended purpose.

So， imagine my surprise when I heard a voice say， “Mam，” and I looked up from peaceful Zara to see a teenage lifeguard standing before me. “We dont allow breastfeeding on deck； you can go in the locker room.”

For an instant， I completely disconnected from everything around me. All I saw was this girl standing before me in her white t-shirt， obviously so far from motherhood and without any understanding of the implications of what she had just said. For a second， I wondered if that could really just have happened.

img src="http://img1.qikan.com.cn/qkimages/xind/xind201602/xind20160220-1-l.jpg" alt="" />

I took a deep breath and with it， the chaos of the noisy pool deck returned. I sat up straighter， looked her square in the eyes， and said， “State law says I can breastfeed wherever I am legally allowed to be.” And that was it. Her face reddened， she mumbled an apology and quickly walked off.

I looked down again just to check. Was my other breast hanging out？ Was Zara not covering as much of me as I had thought？ No. No. In fact， her head and body might have actually been covering more of the top of my breasts than my one-piece bathing suit covered.

I watched the lifeguard rejoin a group of lifeguards standing across the pool， and watched her clearly report on what had happened. Many of them turned to look over at me seated in my chair against the wall； no one else approached， but even as Chris and I marveled in shock at what had just happened， I worried what might come next. Nothing did， but it soured5） the afternoon for us and when we returned to the water， it wasnt for long.

Though the experience was annoying and I felt uncomfortable to be singled out by the group of lifeguards， since Zara is my second child and I am now a dedicated and confident nursing mother， it wont ultimately have an impact on my nursing practices or relationship. However， the more Chris and I discussed what had happened， the more I became concerned about how such an experience might impact a new mom， who may already be struggling with nursing or feeling self-conscious6）. Being told that she cant nurse somewhere could be the thing that makes someone stop breastfeeding.

I remember in vivid detail the nervousness I felt the first time I nursed Nora outside of our home. It was long before I felt comfortable with much of parenting， let alone unbuttoning my shirt in front of others， but I realized that I would need to get over that hurdle if I wanted to meet my one-year breastfeeding goal. So one night， I took advantage of a party at a local maternity/baby boutique， slipped Nora into a sling and headed out. There were plenty of moms and babies there breastfeeding， which made it feel safe. But， there were also men Id never met and I was horribly embarrassed.

Going to that party turned out to be one of the best decisions I could have made for my breastfeeding confidence. Ill never forget a friends amazing husband （to whom I had just been introduced） who sat across the room from me while Nora nursed， and who talked to me like a normal person as if nothing was going on. His complete non-reaction to breastfeeding was exactly what I needed to start building my confidence in my ability to mother Nora through breastfeeding.

No one， myself included， would breastfeed for a year （which is really just the minimum recommendation） if we could not continue with our lives while doing so. If we were stuck at home， unable to go shopping， eat at restaurants or play with our older children in the swimming pool， it would be impossible to breastfeed for a year. If our first experiences with nursing outside of our comfort zone are of someone telling us we shouldnt be doing it or creating a feeling of shame or embarrassment， then it is incredibly unlikely that we will continue. Breastfeeding is best for the baby； it is best for the mother； its best for the family， best for employers， best for the community and best for the environment. Breastfeeding is best， but if we dont all support it—which means reacting to it no differently than we would react to the sight of a mother hugging her child—then there will continue to be women who are unable to meet their breastfeeding goals.

Saturday， I filled out a comment card and I called the rec center first thing Monday morning to speak to the pool manager. I conveyed my concern about how an experience like that could profoundly impact the nursing relationship and that I hoped they could better train their staff， especially since they serve so many families. The manager was sincerely apologetic and assured me that she would speak to the lifeguards and supervisors to make sure they know that they cannot ask a woman to stop nursing or to relocate while nursing.

Overall， the outcome here is good. This experience will end up being a tiny blip7） in the whole of my breastfeeding years. Its an experience that I am glad I had， not just because it was a reminder of how far we still have to go regarding the normalization of breastfeeding in this country， but also because it was a moment that showed me how important it is for us as mothers to be confident in our choices and to be able to stand up for ourselves and our children. I could have moved to the locker room， but I didnt because I knew that I wasnt doing anything of which I should be ashamed or that should be hidden. I was caring for my baby in the best way that I know how and I was setting an example of motherhood not just for my daughters， but for every girl and young woman there. Which， when it comes down to it， that is perhaps the best reason for nursing in public in the first place.

時(shí)不時(shí)，我的新聞推送會(huì)突然彈出一則關(guān)于在公共場(chǎng)合哺乳的報(bào)道，內(nèi)容往往是一位母親在餐館或商店哺乳被阻止。也有的時(shí)候，這類(lèi)新聞報(bào)道的是一位母親被要求停止哺乳所引發(fā)的后果—一群哺乳母親發(fā)起的民眾抗議。無(wú)論是哪種報(bào)道，隨之而來(lái)的通常都是一場(chǎng)十分激烈的辯論，討論當(dāng)眾哺乳是否合適。

我只是偶爾對(duì)這些報(bào)道發(fā)表評(píng)論。并非是因?yàn)槲也恢С诌@種只要你和孩子樂(lè)意隨時(shí)隨地都能哺乳的做法，但被人要求停止哺乳這事兒完全超出了我的經(jīng)驗(yàn)，有點(diǎn)兒像小說(shuō)里虛構(gòu)的一樣。

我在撫育兩個(gè)女兒諾拉和扎拉時(shí)喂了三年多的奶。那時(shí)，我哺乳過(guò)的地方多得列不完：商場(chǎng)、雜貨店、飛機(jī)、火車(chē)、餐館、公園、海灘，哪兒都喂過(guò)，甚至走在大街上時(shí)我也喂過(guò)奶。當(dāng)諾拉尚在襁褓之中而我還得去工作時(shí)，我非常幸運(yùn)地可以時(shí)不時(shí)把她帶在身邊，所以我甚至在工作時(shí)也喂過(guò)奶：不僅在我自己的辦公室里，在老板和同事們都在場(chǎng)的員工會(huì)議上也喂過(guò)。在那期間，從未有哪家企業(yè)的哪位老板或雇員要求我停止哺乳，換個(gè)地方，或者遮擋一下。

直到這周六（編注：英文原文發(fā)表于2013年4月）。

周六下午，我和丈夫克里斯決定全家一起去縣娛樂(lè)中心的室內(nèi)泳池玩一下午。那天，我們穿上泳裝，把孩子和要用的東西放入嬰兒車(chē)，步行就過(guò)去了。我們游了會(huì)兒泳，在水上漂了會(huì)兒，又打了會(huì)兒水仗，玩了一個(gè)小時(shí)，然后離開(kāi)泳池想休息一下。就在那時(shí)，我那三個(gè)月大的寶寶明顯餓了，而且很疲倦的樣子。于是我不假思索地做了一件再自然不過(guò)的事：我抱起她，讓她“肚肚貼媽媽”，然后調(diào)整泳衣，讓她含住乳頭。我和克里斯的聊天沒(méi)有任何間斷，扎拉也很快安靜下來(lái)。

我要先承認(rèn)，我的乳房比我們不在泳池時(shí)露得多一點(diǎn)。我不能說(shuō)自己曾在哺乳時(shí)用過(guò)哺乳巾，除了有一次在商場(chǎng)的長(zhǎng)凳上，那一次很尷尬，我恨不得隱身消失，當(dāng)時(shí)我的大女兒才剛出生（那之后我才意識(shí)到，用哺乳巾的麻煩遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)多于它起到的那點(diǎn)作用）。但我在哺乳時(shí)穿的衣服通常都能防止身體暴露。倒不是說(shuō)我有四處袒胸露乳的特權(quán)，但是寶寶必須吃東西，而在我們家寶寶就是這么進(jìn)食的。而且說(shuō)實(shí)話，想想那天游泳池里有些比基尼的尺寸和款式，我就不明白怎么會(huì)有人因?yàn)榭吹轿疑陨远嗦冻龅囊稽c(diǎn)乳房而抱怨，我只不過(guò)是讓乳房起到其本來(lái)的作用。

所以，想象一下我聽(tīng)到那一聲“女士”時(shí)有多么驚訝吧。我將目光從平靜的扎拉身上移開(kāi)，抬頭看到一位十幾歲的救生員站在我面前，對(duì)我說(shuō)：“我們不允許在泳池邊哺乳。您可以到更衣室去?！?/p>

那一瞬間，我與周?chē)囊磺型耆艚^開(kāi)了，我只看到那個(gè)女孩站在我面前，穿著白色T恤，顯然遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)沒(méi)到做母親的年紀(jì)，也完全不知道自己剛剛說(shuō)的話意味著什么。有一瞬間，我懷疑剛剛的事情是不是真的發(fā)生了。

我深深地吸了口氣，與此同時(shí)，嘈雜泳池邊的喧囂重回我的耳畔。我坐直了身子，直視她的眼睛說(shuō)：“州法律規(guī)定，我可以在法律允許我去的任何地方哺乳?！本瓦@么一句話。她臉紅了，嘟囔著道了歉，然后快步離開(kāi)了。

我又低頭檢查了一下。我的另一只乳房露出來(lái)了嗎？扎拉沒(méi)有像我想的那樣遮住那么多嗎？不，不是的。事實(shí)上，比起我的連體泳衣，她的頭和身體可能把我的胸部遮擋得更嚴(yán)實(shí)。

我看到那名救生員回到泳池對(duì)面一群站著的救生員中間，她顯然在向他們講述剛剛發(fā)生的事情。他們中的許多人轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)頭，看著坐在靠墻的椅子上的我。沒(méi)有其他人再過(guò)來(lái)。但就在我和克里斯為剛才發(fā)生的事感到無(wú)比震驚的同時(shí)，我也擔(dān)心接下來(lái)會(huì)再發(fā)生什么事。什么都沒(méi)發(fā)生，但我們整個(gè)下午都沒(méi)了興致。我們后來(lái)又下了水，但沒(méi)玩多久。

雖然這次經(jīng)歷讓人惱火，而且被一群救生員單獨(dú)挑出來(lái)說(shuō)事讓我很不舒服，但因?yàn)樵俏业牡诙€(gè)孩子，而我如今是一位盡職盡責(zé)且自信的哺乳媽媽?zhuān)赃@件事最終不會(huì)影響我的母乳喂養(yǎng)，也不會(huì)影響我和孩子的哺育關(guān)系。然而，我和克里斯越是討論所發(fā)生的事情，就越擔(dān)心這樣的經(jīng)歷會(huì)對(duì)新晉媽媽造成怎樣的影響，她們可能已經(jīng)在為哺乳而糾結(jié)，或是感到難為情。被人告知不能在某個(gè)地方哺乳可能會(huì)令她們停止母乳喂養(yǎng)。

第一次在家以外的地方給諾拉喂奶時(shí)，我感到無(wú)比緊張，那些生動(dòng)的細(xì)節(jié)現(xiàn)在還記憶猶新。我花了好長(zhǎng)時(shí)間才適應(yīng)大部分的育兒工作，更別說(shuō)在別人面前解開(kāi)上衣扣子了。但是我意識(shí)到，要想實(shí)現(xiàn)哺乳一年的目標(biāo)，我就得邁過(guò)這道坎兒。于是一天晚上，我借助本地一家母嬰精品店舉辦的派對(duì)來(lái)實(shí)現(xiàn)這一點(diǎn)。我將諾拉放入嬰兒背帶，動(dòng)身前往派對(duì)。在那兒，有許多媽媽在給寶寶哺乳，這讓人覺(jué)得很安全。但是也有我從未謀面的男士在場(chǎng)，這又讓我感到極為尷尬。

最后證明，參加那個(gè)派對(duì)可能是我為建立母乳喂養(yǎng)的信心所做的一個(gè)最佳決定。我決不會(huì)忘記一位朋友的超棒老公（那時(shí)我們剛通過(guò)介紹認(rèn)識(shí)）。我在給諾拉喂奶時(shí)，他就坐在房間對(duì)面，若無(wú)其事地照常跟我聊天。他對(duì)哺乳絲毫沒(méi)有顯得大驚小怪。我那時(shí)正開(kāi)始為自己是否有能力用母乳喂養(yǎng)諾拉樹(shù)立信心，他的這種反應(yīng)正是我所需要的。

如果我們不能在哺乳期繼續(xù)照常生活，那沒(méi)有人會(huì)哺乳一年（這其實(shí)只是最短的建議時(shí)間），包括我自己。如果我們被困在家里，不能外出購(gòu)物，不能在餐館吃飯，不能在游泳池陪家里大一點(diǎn)的孩子玩，那我們就不可能哺乳一年。如果我們第一次走出心理舒適區(qū)哺乳，別人就告訴我們不應(yīng)該這么做，或者讓我們感到羞恥或?qū)擂?，那我們極有可能就不會(huì)繼續(xù)哺乳了。母乳喂養(yǎng)對(duì)寶寶是最好的，對(duì)媽媽是最好的，對(duì)家庭，對(duì)雇主，對(duì)社區(qū)，對(duì)環(huán)境，都是最好的。母乳喂養(yǎng)是最好的，但我們?nèi)绻皇侨巳硕贾С帜溉槲桂B(yǎng)，我的意思是像看待母親擁抱孩子一樣自然地看待哺乳，那么就一直會(huì)有女性無(wú)法完成自己的哺乳目標(biāo)。

周六，我填寫(xiě)了一張意見(jiàn)卡。周一一早，我就打電話給娛樂(lè)中心，和游泳池經(jīng)理通話。我告訴她，我擔(dān)心像這樣的經(jīng)歷可能會(huì)嚴(yán)重影響母親和寶寶的哺育關(guān)系，我希望他們能更好地訓(xùn)練員工，特別是因?yàn)樗麄円獮槟敲炊嗉彝シ?wù)。經(jīng)理真誠(chéng)地道了歉，并向我保證，她會(huì)告誡他們的救生員和監(jiān)督人員，確保他們知道自己不能要求一位女士停止哺乳或是在哺乳時(shí)更換地點(diǎn)。

總的來(lái)說(shuō)，這件事的結(jié)果倒還好。這次經(jīng)歷最終會(huì)成為我哺乳那幾年時(shí)間里的一個(gè)小插曲。我很高興能有這么一次經(jīng)歷，不僅因?yàn)樗嵝蚜宋?，在這個(gè)國(guó)家，要讓人們將哺乳視為一件自然的事，我們還有很長(zhǎng)的路要走；而且還因?yàn)槟且豢套屛铱吹剑覀冏鳛槟赣H要對(duì)母乳喂養(yǎng)這一選擇有信心，要能夠維護(hù)自己和孩子們的權(quán)利，這對(duì)我們而言十分重要。我本來(lái)可以去更衣室，但我沒(méi)有去，因?yàn)槲抑雷约翰⒉皇窃谧鍪裁次覒?yīng)該引以為恥或見(jiàn)不得人的事。我是在用我所知的最好方式來(lái)照料我的寶寶，而且我不僅為我的女兒，也為在場(chǎng)所有的女孩和年輕女性樹(shù)立了一個(gè)母親的榜樣。如此說(shuō)來(lái)，這或許才是在公共場(chǎng)合哺乳首先要考慮的最佳理由。