A Greater Debt to Pay

By Aaron A.Vessup

世上本不存在不公平，心生不同便有了區(qū)別對待。同為人類，白人和黑人受到的待遇卻存在很大差異。Aaron Vessup通過自己的親身經(jīng)歷向我們闡明了這一點(diǎn)。如今的他正試圖用自己的力量改變這個現(xiàn)狀，讓世界還黑人一個公道。路漫漫其修遠(yuǎn)兮，他真的能做到嗎？

“Burn Baby, Burn!” was a popular song played at most parties and on some radio stations when I was a student during the 1960s, and these things were happening around the world. People were upset at the directions their different worlds were going: the unfair rules, unequal job opportunities,corporate malfeasance, police brutality,1. malfeasance: 瀆職，違法行為；brutality:暴行。so they were directing their anger at symbols of the “establishment”. Many of these people were minority2. minority: 少數(shù)的。citizens,members of the so-called “black community”. I suppose a compelling part of my then uniqueness is that I am from a family of seventeen. My father was a Pentecostal “fundamentalist preacher”, and church pastor.3. Pentecostal: 圣靈降臨節(jié)的（圣靈降臨節(jié)又稱五旬節(jié)，是基督教節(jié)日，為紀(jì)念耶穌復(fù)活后差遣圣靈降臨而舉行的慶祝節(jié)日）；fundamentalist: 基要主義的，基要主義是近現(xiàn)代基督教神學(xué)思潮之一；preacher: 傳教士；pastor: 牧師。We had no choice when it came to religious beliefs, and we had no escape from the physical and mental abuse suffered inside our house let alone in the outside world.4. 涉及宗教信仰時(shí)，我們別無選擇。我們無法躲避在自己家所遭受的身體和精神上的虐待，更別提在外面了。abuse:虐待；let alone: 更不必說。I became very familiar with many forms of family violence. Although within our church physical “non-violence” was exhorted, the psychological mental warfare was perfected to a high level of destructiveness.5. 雖然我們的教會勸誡身體上的“非暴力”，但心理和精神上的摧殘卻已達(dá)到了一定境界。exhort: 勸誡；warfare: 沖突；destructiveness: 破壞性。

I have not always been committed to the use of words and nonviolence as tools for change. In my youth I had been a playground “bully6. bully: 恃強(qiáng)凌弱者，惡霸。”, I viewed myself as the cowboy “Marshall” or “peacemaker” who settled problems among my peers at school with my fists. However, I often found myself being paddled in the Principal’s office with threats to be formally kicked out of school and sent home as a result.7. 不過，我經(jīng)常被叫到校長辦公室遭受毆打，被威脅說這樣做的后果就是學(xué)校會正式開除我，把我遣送回家。paddle: v. 打。Unfortunately, at home things were violent as well since my father was quite explosive and demanding, and I was frequently whipped, punched, and my body bloodied for talking too loudly, or merely looking at my parents in a manner that made them feel I was even thinking a rebellious thought.8.不幸的是，我父親性格暴躁，甚為苛刻，所以家里也充滿了暴力。如果我說話太大聲，或是父母覺得我看他們的樣子讓他們覺得我有一絲叛逆的想法，他們就會用鞭子抽我，用拳頭打我，使我傷痕累累。demanding: 苛刻的；whip: 鞭打；punch: 用拳頭猛擊；rebellious: 反叛的。My parents rationalized that they simply were beating me to “Save me from the policeman’s bullet!” “God’s word dictates that we use the whip on you accordingly.”9. rationalize: 為……找借口；bullet: 子彈；dictate:指示。Frequently I was whipped in tandem fashion10. in tandem fashion: 以一前一后的方式。by both of my parents. To them, in the “real world” it did not matter whether I had broken any laws or committed any crimes, being black was sufficient to place a target on my back for the police to aim their weapons. Implicit also in this message was that all white people were only happy if black people were dead. Internalizing11. internalize: 使深藏心底。these and other messages, I began writing poetry and also jogging. I loved running while wrestling with issues on the home front, with the white Jesus who had become inculcated in my brain as demanding sacrifices, and with the unfair reach of the law.12. 面對家庭的紛爭，那些灌輸于我頭腦的“白人上帝”所要求的犧牲理念，以及不公平的法律，我喜歡通過跑步來思考這些問題。on the home front: 家庭方面；wrestle with: 設(shè)法解決；inculcate: 灌輸，諄諄教誨。For my mental stability I ran a lot. There also seemed to be an“escape” offered in sports activities.

Luckily for me, when I was nearly drowning13. drown: 淹死。in our High School swimming pool, a white classmate whom I did not know, jumped into the pool and saved me. During this episode I could clearly see the white gym teacher standing at the edge impassively watching.14. episode: 一個事件，一段經(jīng)歷；impassively: 無動于衷地。To this day I never knew the identity of my student rescuer. At this school there were very few cross-cultural contacts visible. Minority group members were simply invisible unless involved in sports.Everyone acted hush-hush15. hush-hush: 極秘密的。about the incident. I was quite embarrassed. So we all acted as if nothing had happened. But I had become so shaken by this event that I withdrew from the swim class, and never went near water until well into my adulthood, some fifteen or twenty years later. However, not only had a white youth saved my life, but also many years later another white student within one of my own speech classes taught me how to swim. I had long ago accepted the fact that not all white people were my enemy.

Another stroke of good fortune to befall16. befall: 降臨于，發(fā)生到……身上。me was public speaking competition.Through my participation on college and university debate teams, I learned early a more civilized way of fighting to address my grievances17. grievance: 不滿，委屈。. Communicating with words instead of using force is a skill that I wanted to enhance. Although I had some early successes in district and state competitions, I knew that there were more skills to be learned in the communications field. Thus, I continued fighting to reach the national finals in speech competition. Later, as university professor on various campuses I have been able to coach18. coach: 指導(dǎo)。other student winners who happened to be black and white.

Our early elementary school teachers inspired in us the dream of even becoming the president of the United States. I held on to this dream for years, before realizing that first, I was not “pure” and untainted19. untainted: 無污點(diǎn)的。enough. I did not have a life without blemishes20. blemish: 污點(diǎn)。. At that time I had at least one failed marriage.Second, later the realities of life clearly demonstrated that my life had not been tainted enough. I would never be in the mainstream on the road to governmental leadership, nor was this goal now even desirable. For the past twelve years or so,I have been a simple world traveler and retired teacher, who does not want to become just another meaningless statistic.Nor do I want to be a destructive torch-bearer21. torch-bearer: 火炬接力者。seeking to burn things down. While some of my brothers have been incarcerated22. incarcerate: 監(jiān)禁。, I have not lost faith in positively affecting change. Yet, my continued small contribution to the cultural milieu23. milieu: 周圍環(huán)境，社會環(huán)境。seems minimal. I still write hoping to access more networks to build bridges of understanding. I have not given up on the idea to open or create cultural channels for communications between groups in conflict with each other. This childhood dream lives on.

I believe that I have a purpose to contribute to the survival of mankind in some meaningful way. Within me is a hope that I can be some kind of ambassador for peace, serving the great family of brothers and sisters of the world in a way no other person can do or imagine. Writing poetry, academic textbooks, and classroom teaching are not enough. Running away from problems has also never been a lasting solution. I want to play a part on the world’s the problem intervention media stage to positively address issues of social harmony.24. intervention: 介入，調(diào)停；address: 解決。I am a citizen of the world, my life is not my own. I cannot be blamed for what the United States government has or has not done to my own communities of people: Native Americans, African Americans,and Citizens of the world. Today my dream remains to use my inner fires to bring“l(fā)ight” to others to help constructing a world with less fear, less anger, and perhaps less military conflict.