短文習(xí)作：表達(dá)觀點(diǎn)類

廖英

試題呈現(xiàn) 2013與2014年《爸爸去哪兒》的大熱引發(fā)了人們對(duì)于親子話題的關(guān)注。其中孩子的教育在古今中外都是一個(gè)永恒的話題。英語(yǔ)中有句諺語(yǔ)“Spare the rod， spoil your child.”這句話在漢語(yǔ)中的意思是“孩子不打不成器?！闭?qǐng)就此說(shuō)法，結(jié)合生活中的事例，寫(xiě)一篇不少于120字的文章，談?wù)勀銓?duì)家庭教育的看法。

審題點(diǎn)撥 此試題將時(shí)下流行的話題與學(xué)生的生活連接在一起，具有很強(qiáng)的時(shí)效性和親近感。對(duì)于“孩子不打不成器”這一觀點(diǎn)同學(xué)們可贊成亦可反對(duì)，只要結(jié)合具體的事例加以言之有理的論述即可。在具體行文中，同學(xué)們可第一段引入話題并直接闡明自己的觀點(diǎn)，第二段結(jié)合事例論證觀點(diǎn)，最后一段總結(jié)全文并再次重申自己的觀點(diǎn)。行文中一定要確保觀點(diǎn)明確。

習(xí)作一

As the saying goes， “Spare the rod， spoil your child.” Most of parents think it is a privilege to punish child， but it is harmful to childrens health. Family education should be given rice to concern.

When I was a child， I was too active to do something terrible. First of all， my mother often talked with me， but I didnt attach importance to it. Then I made the same mistake again. My father was too angry that he punished me severely. I was very sad and crying for a long time. Then I reduse talking with him and didnt eat food to show my resistance. And my parents apologized to me. Then they thought educating child need to talk more with them rather than punishing.

Now I am outstanding and live happy.

這是一篇中檔習(xí)作。其優(yōu)點(diǎn)是：

1. 要點(diǎn)基本齊全，觀點(diǎn)明確，結(jié)構(gòu)清晰。

2. 活學(xué)活用了高中階段的一些考綱詞匯，如：privilege， resistance， severely。此外，作者也恰到好處的使用了一些短語(yǔ)，如attach importance to， apologize to sb， be harmful to。

3. 善于運(yùn)用邏輯銜接詞過(guò)渡。如：as the saying goes， first of all， then。

不足之處有：

1. 個(gè)別單詞、短語(yǔ)拼寫(xiě)或表達(dá)有誤。如Then I reduse talking with him可改為I was reluctant to talk with him。同樣，should be given rice to concern應(yīng)改為should be given proper concern。I was too active to do something terrible中too... to...表示“太……而不能……”，應(yīng)改為I was so active and naughty that I always did something terrible.

2. 個(gè)別邏輯詞選用不當(dāng)。first of all多用在表達(dá)觀點(diǎn)而非陳述事情的發(fā)展的順序上，可改成at first。then出現(xiàn)了三次，有重復(fù)之嫌，可換成其他遞進(jìn)詞，如later， gradually， next等，讓表達(dá)更富多樣性。

3. 最后一段的內(nèi)容有待充實(shí)?？商砑右恍┱Z(yǔ)句以強(qiáng)調(diào)父母教育方式改變給自己帶來(lái)的重要影響，如Thanks to their shift of education methods and their awareness of the importance of communication， now I am outstanding and live a happy life.

習(xí)作二

Most people who reach the peak of their careers are well-educated by parents. The family education is a decisive factor for success， which can help children know the world more appropriately. As for the saying， “Spare the rod， spoil your child.” I do approve of this conventional view to some degree. Strict family education is of great importance to pave the way for a childs growth and success.

When it comes to strict family education， a distinguished musician—Lang Langs story vividly stand out in my memory. His parents being very strict， he just had to practice playing the piano from day to night. Not only could he spare no time for his other hobbies， but also he couldnt get a long rest utterly. After having adjusted to those unbelievable harsh rules， his efforts gradually began to bear fruits. With a chance of performance captured by him， his talent is ultimately recognized. So remarkable is his work that everyone just shows great respect to him. He owes his great achievement to his parents education. Though it might seem to be out of place， it turned out to take effect for him.

Overall， we cant ignore the importance of strict family education. There being twists and turns in life， we must let children know it.

這是一篇高檔習(xí)作，屬于正方觀點(diǎn)。其優(yōu)點(diǎn)是：

1. 此文結(jié)構(gòu)清晰，首尾呼應(yīng)，觀點(diǎn)明確。作者在首段陳述觀點(diǎn)I do approve of this conventional view to some degree.在末段又再次重申觀點(diǎn)：we cant ignore the importance of strict family education.

2. 文章銜接過(guò)渡自然，層次分明。恰到好處的銜接讓文章邏輯更為清晰。

3. 此文非常有文采。一方面，文中使用的詞匯非常豐富，另一方面，文中也運(yùn)用了許多高級(jí)句式，句型結(jié)構(gòu)變化多樣，如文中出現(xiàn)了兩個(gè)獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)和部分倒裝。

習(xí)作三

It seems that strict education is world-widely accepted， which most parents think is the best approach to keeping their children from bad behavior. As far as Im concerned， only by taking good advantage of sincere love and wise communication can education really works well.

Allowing for my interest and happiness， my mother never forced me to do things that I was not interested in， but encouraged me to engage myself in what I was fond of. It was immediately that she bought me a violin when I said I loved music. There was a time when I tended to give up playing the violin， but my mother cheered me up and told me the importance of sticking to my goal. Rather than scold me severely， she always communicated with me equally， from which I learned something I would never forget.

It is love and respect that play a vitally important role in education. Seldom does punishment teach children how to behave correctly， but can hurt their hearts. So， the education of love is the permanent topic which we should focus more on.

這也是一篇高檔習(xí)作，屬于反方觀點(diǎn)。其優(yōu)點(diǎn)是：

1. 文章要點(diǎn)齊全，行文流暢，層次分明。

2. 語(yǔ)言精練、準(zhǔn)確，長(zhǎng)短句結(jié)合，給人抑揚(yáng)頓挫之美感。此外，在句式上，作者善用了一些固定句式，使文章顯得“高級(jí)”。

3. 作者善于強(qiáng)調(diào)句和倒裝句強(qiáng)調(diào)自己觀點(diǎn)。如第一段的倒裝句only by taking good advantage of sincere love and wise communication can education really works well. 和第二段的強(qiáng)調(diào)句It was immediately that she bought me a violin when I said I loved music.