單身女性也能活出精彩

現(xiàn)如今，打開電視機(jī)，各大頻道都在火熱地播放著各種形式的相親節(jié)目。在如今這個(gè)不淡定的社會(huì)，單身似乎就意味著凄凄慘慘戚戚，寂寞空虛冷，脫單是每個(gè)“剩斗士”的頭等大事。尤其是廣大剩女同胞們，每天不是被父母逼著去跟哪個(gè)親戚介紹的對(duì)象見面，就是被各種閨蜜朋友拉去參加無聊透頂?shù)穆?lián)誼。然而，現(xiàn)代社會(huì)的單身大多不是自己所能選擇的，而是被迫單下來的。很多女性其實(shí)很想找個(gè)伴侶，很想結(jié)婚，但理想和現(xiàn)實(shí)總是差距甚遠(yuǎn)，于是就這樣陰差陽錯(cuò)變成剩女。雖然這是一個(gè)很無奈的事實(shí)，但是你仍然可以活得更好。畢竟，在通往幸福的旅途中，有很多條路可以選擇。下一站，幸福！

Audie Cornish （Host）： Over the years， as women have gained financial and social independence， they’ve had a profound effect on the workplace and the economy. We’re exploring that impact in our series about the changing lives of women， and for this 2）installment， we’ll start with the single ladies.

Pop-culture images of the single woman has been a mixed bag. It’s evolved from Mary Tyler Moore to When Harry Met Sally and later Sex and the City， to 30 Rock’s Liz Lemon. Writer Rebecca Traister says until very recently， it was marriage that marked the beginning of a woman’s adult life. But in the last few decades， there’s been a dramatic jump in the average age women get married， from around age 22 to nearly 27 with major effects.

Rebecca Traister： We have now shifted our vision of what an adult woman’s life path usually 3）entails， and it now entails some period of economic， social， sexual independence.

Cornish： Traister is a senior editor at the New Republic. She’s working on a book about unmarried women. She says while the shift in marriage patterns is mostly a good thing for women， at times it’s also been viewed as a 4）destabilizing force in society.

Traister： The lack of marriage is being blamed for almost every social ill， whether it’s gun violence， whether it’s poverty， whether it’s the dropping birthrate—you have 5）demographers worried about the fact that as people marry later， they’re having fewer children. Single women come in for an enormous amount of blame politically and culturally. So that’s one set of messages. Another set is this kind of 6）glamorization， whether it’s Sex and the City， which is now 10 years old， or whether it’s the New Girl or Mindy Kaling. You see all new depictions of women living independently and having interesting， varied lives.

Cornish： So you’re finishing up a book right now on single women， and you’ve talked to many single women. What is the reality that they’re living out？

Traister： Well， the reality is much more complicated. I mean， I think we make a mistake when we create a 7）binary between， you’re either married or you’re unmarried. Once you lift the 8）imperative that everybody get married at age 22， what you get is an infinite variety of paths. It’s not simply some argument that single life is 9）inherently better than married life. The fact is there are all kinds of married lives and all kinds of single lives， and more people are now free to go down a variety of paths.

Cornish： At the same time， it was always believed that economic wealth and even kind of culturally， that happiness was attributed—right？—to being in a marriage. And certainly politically that has been the message， that marriage makes lives better， particularly for people who are struggling financially. Are people looking at that differently？ Has that message changed？

Traister： Well， solid marriages do make many lives happier， but finding a solid marriage， as many of us know， isn’t something that happens easily. And the idea that marriage simply as marriage， finding a partner—if you’re talking 10）heterosexually， finding a man—is going to improve your emotional or economic life is a real myth. And the imperative that you find that partner in order to have a complete or happy life can lead you down a very dangerous path because of course marriage to just another person isn’t necessarily going to improve your life. In fact it may make your life much worse if you have a poor emotional connection， no emotional connection， if that person is struggling economically in the same way that you are， if that person is in any way 11）abusive. All these things are realities lived every day by married people. So marriage in and of itself isn’t a cure for poverty or unhappiness. Good marriages， economically stable marriages， emotionally rewarding marriages， are a 12）tremendous 13）perk for people.

Cornish： So you’ve called this a mass shift. What are the implications of that？

Traister： Well， you basically have the creation of a new population. One clear example is that single women actually in 2012 made up 23 percent of the 14）electorate and they—they voted overwhelmingly for Barack Obama over Mitt Romney. You have women who are earning money in places where they’d never earned money before. You have women who are single who are having babies out of 15）wedlock； more than 50 percent of first births are now to unmarried women. It destabilizes the power structures that had existed before because to have women living independently in these ways—voting， having babies or earning money—it removes some of the power that had traditionally belonged to men，who have long been in economic and political power.

Cornish： How much of this is basically about the economy，across the board， that people are making this choice not necessarily because they want to—I mean， a surveyconducted by the Pew Research Center showed that marriage is still a life goal. You know， how does this 16）reconcile？

Traister： Well， I think the fact that women have unprecedented economic opportunity that， you know， they’re now permitted to and in fact， in many cases， expected to go out and earn money， they are busy doing other things. That does not mean that many women and men don’t still have the desire to partner， to fall in love. But the actual economic 17）tolls of marriage and motherhood， which are very real， mean that often they’re electing not to take on those tolls of marriage and motherhood early in their careers when they are now in a position to be out stabilizing themselves economically.

Cornish： You mean it takes you out of the running for those jobs or it hurts your earning power， and so women are saying， you know what， I’m just not going to do it？

Traister： Right， or I’m not going to do it right now. It’s not necessary politicized. It’s a human sense of， I don’t want to get tied down and distracted by my emotional life right now as I’m establishing myself as an adult. That doesn’t mean that the desire for love， partnership and companionship is removed. The kinds of strategic choices that women across classes are making about when to marry， when to have children， how to commit themselves to their career， how to make money， doesn’t mean that any of them don’t yearn for companionship. But there are also a series of practical choices now available to them， ways of balancing the different things they can do with their lives， that often mean that marriage doesn’t necessarily have to come first and that in fact in many cases， it doesn’t make strategic sense for marriage to come first.

Cornish： Well， Rebecca Traister， thanks so much for talking with us.

Traister： Thank you so much for inviting me.

奧蒂·科尼什（主持人）：多年來，隨著女性獲得經(jīng)濟(jì)和社會(huì)生活的獨(dú)立，她們對(duì)職場(chǎng)和經(jīng)濟(jì)產(chǎn)生了深遠(yuǎn)的影響。我們的系列節(jié)目正在探究女性生活方式的改變所帶來的影響，而在這個(gè)部分中，我們開始討論單身女性。

單身女性在流行文化中的形象一直是好壞參半。從《瑪麗·泰勒·摩爾秀》到《當(dāng)哈利遇上莎莉》，然后到《欲望都市》，再后來便是《我為喜劇狂》里面的莉斯·萊蒙。作家麗貝卡·特雷斯特說到目前為止，婚姻依然標(biāo)志著一個(gè)女人成年生活的開始。但在過去的幾十年里，女性的平均結(jié)婚年齡產(chǎn)生了戲劇性的變化，從22歲左右上升到將近27歲，帶來了重大影響。

麗貝卡·特雷斯特：對(duì)影響女性生活軌跡的要素，我們現(xiàn)在的看法改變了，如今女性的生活方式受到一定時(shí)期的經(jīng)濟(jì)、社會(huì)以及性生活方面獨(dú)立的影響。

科尼什：特雷斯特是《新共和》雜志的資深編輯，她在寫一本有關(guān)未婚女性的書。她說盡管婚姻模式的改變總的來說對(duì)女性是有利的，但是有時(shí)候也會(huì)被看作是社會(huì)的不穩(wěn)定因素。

特雷斯特：婚姻的缺失被歸咎為幾乎所有社會(huì)問題的根源。像是槍支暴力、貧困、持續(xù)下降的出生率--人口學(xué)家們擔(dān)心隨著人們結(jié)婚年齡的推遲，他們生育的孩子會(huì)越來越少。單身女性對(duì)政治和文化的影響難辭其咎。因此這是要傳達(dá)的一種信息。另一種信息是這種（單身女性）魅力的渲染，不管是在10年前的《欲望都市》里，還是在《杰茜駕到》里，或是敏迪·卡靈（譯者注：她兼具美國導(dǎo)演、演員、編劇于一身，因身材肥胖但卻才華洋溢而受到很多女性的追捧）--你可以看到對(duì)女性獨(dú)立以及豐富多彩生活的所有新的描繪。

科尼什：那么你目前快要完成一本有關(guān)單身女性的書，你也和許多單身女性聊過，她們的生活現(xiàn)狀是怎樣的？

特雷斯特：好吧，現(xiàn)實(shí)的情況更加復(fù)雜。我的意思是，當(dāng)我們?cè)O(shè)定了兩種情況--結(jié)婚和未婚時(shí)，我們就犯錯(cuò)誤了。一旦你撤消了“每個(gè)人都應(yīng)該在22歲結(jié)婚”的規(guī)定，到頭來你卻發(fā)現(xiàn)有無限種生活的方式。這不僅僅是爭(zhēng)論單身生活本來就比婚姻生活好的問題，事實(shí)是，婚姻生活與單身生活都有很多種形式，越來越多的人都有多種可以選擇的生活道路。

科尼什：與此同時(shí)，人們總是將經(jīng)濟(jì)的增長，甚至從某種文化角度上，幸福-對(duì)嗎？-都?xì)w功于婚姻。當(dāng)然政府也會(huì)宣揚(yáng)，婚姻能讓生活更美好，特別是對(duì)那些經(jīng)濟(jì)拮據(jù)的人們。人們對(duì)此有不同的看法嗎？這些信息有沒有改變？

特雷斯特：好吧，穩(wěn)定的婚姻確實(shí)能讓人生變得更加美滿。但是我們?cè)S多人都知道，找到一段穩(wěn)定的婚姻不是那么容易。那些單純地為結(jié)婚而結(jié)婚，那就是找一個(gè)伴侶-如果你討論的是異性戀，找一個(gè)男人就能改善你的精神或是經(jīng)濟(jì)狀況的想法是存在疑點(diǎn)的。為了過完整或美滿的人生你必須找一個(gè)伴侶，（這種想法）會(huì)引你走一條危險(xiǎn)的人生道路，因?yàn)楹茱@然與一個(gè)人結(jié)婚不一定能改善你的生活。事實(shí)上，如果你們的感情基礎(chǔ)薄弱或是沒有感情，如果那個(gè)人也和你一樣在為錢發(fā)愁，如果那個(gè)人有虐待的傾向，那么婚姻就會(huì)使你的生活變得更糟。這些事情都是已婚的人每天都會(huì)面對(duì)的現(xiàn)實(shí)。因此婚姻本身不是治愈貧窮或是不幸的良方。好的婚姻，經(jīng)濟(jì)穩(wěn)定的婚姻，精神上契合的婚姻，都是對(duì)人們極大的一種恩賜。

科尼什：那么你把這種情況叫大規(guī)模的轉(zhuǎn)變。這里面有什么含義呢？

特雷斯特：好吧，社會(huì)產(chǎn)生了新一代人。一個(gè)明顯的例子是2012年，單身女性占選民人數(shù)的23%。她們以壓倒性的票數(shù)讓巴拉克·奧巴馬穩(wěn)勝米特·羅姆尼。女性在之前從未從事過的領(lǐng)域賺錢；一些女性雖然未婚但卻有了孩子。頭一胎有超過50%都出自于未婚女性。這破壞了過去存在的權(quán)力結(jié)構(gòu)的穩(wěn)定性，因?yàn)楝F(xiàn)在女性能夠獨(dú)立地生活--選舉、生孩子或者賺錢，這就分走了傳統(tǒng)中長期以來應(yīng)該屬于男性的權(quán)力--經(jīng)濟(jì)和政治的權(quán)力。

科尼什：全面地來看，人們不情愿地作出了結(jié)婚這個(gè)決定，經(jīng)濟(jì)因素在這里占了多大的比重呢？我的意思是，皮尤研究中心（譯者注：美國調(diào)查機(jī)構(gòu)）做的一項(xiàng)調(diào)查顯示，婚姻仍然是人們的一個(gè)人生目標(biāo)。你懂的，這個(gè)問題如何協(xié)調(diào)解決呢？

特雷斯特：好吧，我認(rèn)為女性有了前所未有的賺錢機(jī)會(huì)，你知道的，事實(shí)上她們現(xiàn)在被允許，在很多情況下，也希望能夠出去賺錢，她們正在忙于做其他事情。這不意味著許多男性和女性沒有相愛和找一個(gè)伴侶的欲望。但是結(jié)婚和當(dāng)媽媽所要付出的經(jīng)濟(jì)代價(jià)是非常真實(shí)殘酷的，意思是單身女性通常都不會(huì)在她們事業(yè)的初期選擇承擔(dān)這些代價(jià)，她們此時(shí)正需要穩(wěn)定自己的經(jīng)濟(jì)狀況。

科尼什：你的意思是結(jié)婚生子會(huì)讓你喪失工作熱情，或是影響你贏得地位的機(jī)會(huì)，所以女性才說，你知道嗎，我不會(huì)這樣做？

特雷斯特：嗯，或者是我目前不會(huì)這樣做。這不一定要上綱上線。這只是人的一種想法--我還在成長中，不希望因?yàn)榻Y(jié)婚而受到情緒的影響。這不代表對(duì)愛情、共同生活以及陪伴的渴望被磨滅。這些各階層女性的策略性選擇——什么時(shí)候結(jié)婚，什么時(shí)候生孩子，如何追求自己的事業(yè)，怎么賺錢不代表她們中有任何一個(gè)人不渴望有人陪伴。現(xiàn)在她們面前有許多可行的選擇，她們有多種方式來平衡生活中不同的事情，這通常說明婚姻不一定是首要完成的事，而事實(shí)上在許多情況中，把婚姻看成首選不是明智的選擇。

科尼什：好的，麗貝卡·特雷斯特，非常謝謝你的到來。

特雷斯特：我也十分感謝你的邀請(qǐng)。