別讓家暴毀了童年

On August 24th， 2015， the first law draft on anti-domestic violence in China was submitted to the Standing Committee of the National People’s Congress for deliberation. The news was definitely the gospel of children in China and made people who care for children’s healthy growth feel delighted. At the same time， the domestic violence on children once again triggered the high attention by the public opinion.

2015年8月24日，中國首部反家庭暴力法草案提交全國人大常委會審議。這則消息無疑是中國兒童的福音，也令所有關(guān)注兒童健康成長的人士倍感欣慰。與此同時，兒童家暴問題再次引發(fā)輿論的高度關(guān)注。

The stunning number of cases of

minors suffering from domestic violence

未成年人遭受家庭暴力之?dāng)?shù)目令人驚心

There are slight differences of various groups’ definitions on domestic violence.

The Women’s Resource and Rape Assistance Program mainly focuses on abuse between couples and its social influence， which means it is done by one side of the couple for obtaining or keeping the control of the other. “Domestic violence can be physical， sexual， emotional， economic， or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused but also has a substantial effect on family members， friends， coworkers， other witnesses， and the community at large.”

The World Health Organization describes the actions of domestic violence by examples， pointing out that body abuse includes： slapping， shaking， beating with fist or object， strangulation， burning， kicking and threats with a knife； sexual abuse includes coerced sex through threats or intimidation or through physical force， forcing unwanted sexual acts， forcing sex in front of others and forcing sex with others； mental abuse includes isolation from others， excessive jealousy， control of his or her activities， verbal aggression， intimidation through destruction of property， harassment or stalking， threats of violence and constant belittling and humiliation.

United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund （UNICEF） stressed that， to let minors see or indirectly hear or observe domestic violence and its consequences also belongs to the mental abuse of minors.

不同組織對家庭暴力的定義分類有些微不同。

婦女資源和強奸受害者援助計劃主要關(guān)注伴侶之間的虐待行為及其社會影響，指其由一方伴侶向另一方實施，以獲得或保持對另一方的掌控權(quán)?！凹彝ケ┝梢允巧眢w、性、感情、經(jīng)濟或心理方面的動作或威脅行為……不僅波及受虐者，亦對家庭成員、朋友、同事、其他目擊者、乃至整個社會造成重大影響?！?/p>

世界衛(wèi)生組織舉例描述了家庭暴力的具體行為，指出身體虐待包括“掌摑、搖動、用拳頭或物體毆打、勒殺、焚燒、腳踢和用刀威脅”；性虐待包括“通過威脅、恐嚇或身體力量實施的強迫性行為、強迫性動作、強迫在他人面前進行性行為及與他人發(fā)生性關(guān)系”；心理虐待包括“將受害者與他人隔離、過分嫉妒、控制受害者活動、言語攻擊、以破壞財產(chǎn)進行恐嚇、騷擾或跟蹤、暴力威脅及不斷貶低和侮辱受害者”。

聯(lián)合國兒童基金會還強調(diào)，讓未成年人親眼目睹、間接聽見或觀察到家庭暴力行為及其后果也屬于對未成年人的精神虐待。

The law draft on anti-domestic violence in China hasn’t listed the mental abuse and defines domestic violence as “abusive actions on home members by beating， binding， slaughtering and limiting personal freedom and so on.” Xinhua News Agency premised the words of Liu Li， Deputy Chief Judge of the Olympic Village Court of Chaoyang District of Beijing that， the statistics of domestic violence cases in China show that cases of physical abuse account for a larger part， so as the first draft， it should solve the main problem. But since the clauses add “and so on” at the end of the behaviors， it leaves room for explanation on other types of domestic violence.”

The statistics of UNICEF in 2014 show that， the proportions of Chinese children being abused by their father and mother are 43.3% and 43.1% respectively and only 20.1% of boys and 29.5% of girls have never been abused by any violence. Around the world， every 6 children in 10 from the age of 2 to 14 （about 1 billion people） are abused by their keepers all year round. 1/3 of girls from the age of 15 to 19 （about 84 million people） were abused by their husbands or mates mentally， physically or sexually. 40% of child abuse happen in home and children grew up in domestic families are more easily to be abused physically or sexually compared with those in ordinary families.

The family statistics of Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development （OECD） in 2013 show that， among its members， America has the highest proportion of death of children （0-19） caused by neglecting， abuse and violent treatment by keepers， about 4 times that of other members except Mexico with 1350 people per year. But Luxembourg， Portugal， South Korea， Slovakia and Switzerland don’t have the records like this. Scholar Friedman found that， compared with other countries， the proportion of children died of parents’ abuse in America is higher. Domestic violence has become the most frequent element that persecute children’s health compared with drug abuse， alcohol and family mental illness.

中國此次的反家庭暴力法草案，暫時未列入精神方面的侵害，而將家庭暴力定義為“以毆打、捆綁、殘害、強行限制人身自由等方式，對家庭成員實施的侵害行為。”新華社援引北京市朝陽區(qū)人民法院奧運村法庭副庭長劉黎的話，中國家庭暴力案例的歷史數(shù)據(jù)證明，身體虐待案占比例最大，因此作為首部草案，須優(yōu)先解決問題的主要矛盾。不過，由于條款在例舉一些家暴行為后加上了“等”字，“為其他形式家暴留下了解釋空間?！?/p>

聯(lián)合國兒童基金會2014年統(tǒng)計表明，中國兒童遭受父母親暴力對待的比率分別為43.3%和43.1%，僅有20.1%的男童和29.5%的女童16歲前未受過任何暴力行為。全球2至14周歲兒童每10名中便有6名（近10億人）常年遭到看護人體罰，三分之一的15至19周歲少女（8，400萬人）曾受其丈夫或伴侶情感、身體或性暴力侵害。40%虐待兒童的行為發(fā)生在家中，生長于家暴家庭的兒童較一般家庭兒童更可能遭受身體及性虐待。

經(jīng)濟合作與發(fā)展組織2013年家庭數(shù)據(jù)庫指出，成員國中美國0-19歲兒童因看護人疏忽、虐待或暴力對待致死的比率最高，約為除墨西哥之外的其他成員國的四倍，平均每年有1，350人，而盧森堡、葡萄牙、韓國、斯洛伐克和瑞士沒有該類兒童死亡的記錄。學(xué)者弗里德曼研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，相較于其他國家，美國兒童死于父母傷害的比率更高。家庭暴力已成為超過濫用藥物、酒精和家庭心理疾病的最常見迫害兒童健康因素。

Domestic violence

affects the life

家暴影響人生

The question of the online questions and answer community Quaro saying “many children in China were treated violently by their parents， why they have not had large scale of mental trauma when they grow up” has attracted the attention of 19753 people and 2901 answered. The mostly agreed answer was that although I seem like a lucky man with “good family and successful career” in others’ eyes， actually I attempted suicide when I was 15 due to the abuse of my parents and many times cannot see the hope of life when I grow up. “I am a leader of a small group but I dare not to scold anyone； I always try to play up to the authority includes my lover； I extremely care about others’ comments， especially the negative ones， which would make me not be able to face myself for a while； I cannot think things to sleep like you do since any negative things would make me cry， so for many years I listen to cross talk to sleep； I treat feeling with indifference and dare not to love others by asking for more and devoting less， I would feel panic if my lover doesn’t reply me for busy work that I would think I did something wrong and he would leave me； I feel uncomfortable in occasions of speeches， I have humpback and don’t prick up myself since I think I don’t deserve it； I know I should be very happy but I feel lonely forever.”

These expressions are exact the same as the analysis of psychologists of American Children's Bureau. Children in families of domestic violence are easier to have obstacles in study， social contact， behavior， emotion， attitude and cognition compared with ordinary people， and they have no sympathy for others， fear many things and like to flinch， lack self-esteem and self-confidence and cannot handle conflicts and contrasts. Children under the age of 5 may even have backward development， and eating， excretion and sleep problems. In a women and children shelter institution in Taiwan， a little boy from a family of domestic violence always hurts himself by hitting the wall and a 6-year-old girl doesn’t smile for a whole day and just washed clothes instead of playing outside. Chen Jingqi， from the Institute of Child and Adolescent Health of Peking University， did a research on 3577 college students and found that， students who had experience of abuse have more frequent depression compared with those didn’t have. The number of students from the former group who seriously thought about suicide was 22.5 times and 16.3 times for boys and girls respectively compared with the latter one and the number of them in violent fighting was 6.1 times and 16.5 times respectively.

中國網(wǎng)絡(luò)問答社區(qū)知乎上關(guān)于“中國很多孩子被父母暴力對待過，為什么成年后沒有出現(xiàn)大規(guī)模的心理創(chuàng)傷？”的問題吸引了19，753人關(guān)注，2，901人回答。其中獲得高票贊同的回答表示，自己雖然在旁人看來是一個“家庭事業(yè)雙豐收”的幸運兒，但事實上15歲時就因不堪父母辱罵自殺未遂，成年后亦無數(shù)次覺得看不到生活的希望。“我是一個小團體內(nèi)的leader，但是幾乎不敢批評任何人；我永遠(yuǎn)在討好權(quán)威，包括愛人；我極其在意別人的評價，特別是負(fù)面反饋，會讓我一段時間內(nèi)都無法正視自己；我不敢像你們一樣想著事情睡覺，想到任何負(fù)面的事情都會哭，所以多年以來，一直聽著相聲入睡；我對情感極度漠視，不敢愛，索取得多，付出得少，和愛人聯(lián)系，對方忙工作沒回復(fù)，我都會惶恐不安，覺得自己做錯了事情，他不要我了；我在需要發(fā)言的場合永遠(yuǎn)不自信，駝背、不敢打扮自己，潛意識里覺得自己不配；我知道自己應(yīng)該很幸福，但是永遠(yuǎn)覺得孤獨?！?/p>

這些表現(xiàn)與美國兒童局心理學(xué)家的分析如出一轍。身處家庭暴力的兒童和青少年比一般人更可能出現(xiàn)學(xué)習(xí)、社交、行為、情緒、態(tài)度和認(rèn)知障礙，或者表現(xiàn)出焦慮、自責(zé)和憤怒，對他人沒有同情心，或者恐懼退縮、缺乏自尊自信，不會處理沖突和矛盾。小于5歲的兒童甚至可能出現(xiàn)發(fā)育倒退，進食、排泄和睡眠問題。臺灣一家婦女兒童庇護機構(gòu)中，一名來自家暴家庭的小男孩常常撞墻自殘，6歲小女孩整日沒有笑容，不出去玩只埋頭洗衣服。北京大學(xué)兒童青少年衛(wèi)生研究所陳晶琦對中國3，577名大中專學(xué)生的調(diào)查表明，童年有過受虐經(jīng)歷的學(xué)生，其抑郁情緒出現(xiàn)頻率明顯高于無受虐經(jīng)歷的學(xué)生，前者之中認(rèn)真考慮過自殺的男生和女生人數(shù)分別為后者的22.5倍和16.3倍，卷入暴力斗毆的人數(shù)分別為6.1倍和16.5倍。

More seriously， the domestic violence may spread to the next generation and become vicious circle. According to the materials of the United Nations Children’s Fund， for families of women being abused by husbands， the probability of husbands being abused or seeing mother abused during childhood is very high. Over 70% of abused children need mental treatment or are more likely to become abuser. Those children may think nobody cares about them or domestic affairs and violence is the expression of love that it can solve problems and control others. But not all of them would become abusers when grow up. Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse found that 15% of the children would try to stop violence of which 6% would ask for help and 9% would protect the victims or try to stop the violence since they know it is wrong.

But it is beyond question that the influence of domestic violence on minors would last for a life time. Star Lin Xiaopei once said she would adopt children but not get married or have children “I feel insecure about men which comes from my father… I came from a single-parent family and my father abused me. It took me a long time to adjust myself of the influence. I think I am not suitable for having a child.”

更嚴(yán)重的是，這種家庭暴力很可能延伸至下一代，陷入惡性循環(huán)。根據(jù)聯(lián)合國兒童基金會資料，婦女受到丈夫家暴的家庭中，丈夫在其兒童時期受虐或目睹母親受虐的概率很高。超過70%的家暴兒童需要接受心理治療，否則很可能轉(zhuǎn)為施暴者。在暴力家庭成長的孩子或許會認(rèn)為無人會關(guān)心或插手家中發(fā)生的事情，暴力是愛的表現(xiàn)，可以用其解決問題、馴服掌控他人。當(dāng)然，并非所有兒童長大后都會成為施虐者。反暴力和虐待明尼蘇達(dá)中心發(fā)現(xiàn)，15%面臨虐待的兒童會試圖阻止暴力行為，其中6%會向外尋求幫助，9%會積極試圖保護受害者或制止暴力，因為他們知道家庭暴力是錯誤的。

但毫無疑問，家庭暴力對未成年人的影響將伴隨終身。明星林曉培曾表示會領(lǐng)養(yǎng)兒童，但不打算結(jié)婚生子：“我對男生的不安全感，來自我父親……我來自單親家庭，父親的家暴讓我花了很多時間調(diào)整原生家庭帶來的狀態(tài)，我認(rèn)為，我不適合生育小孩?！?/p>

Some domestic violence is not “domestic violence”

家暴不是“家暴”

It has always been a global problem for minors suffering domestic violence， but compared with women in this regard， it is less focused and studied. One of the reason may be the public opinion – many people， including those being abused don’t think some behavior belongs to domestic violence.

The statistics of the UNICEF show that， about 3/10 of grown-ups think it is necessary to do physical punishment for educating and cultivating children and half of the girls from the age of 15 to 19 （about 126 million people） think it is proper for husband sometimes hit or beat the wife. Among the member of OECD， except in Denmark and Sweden， most of the parents think it is unacceptable to do physical punishment on children， the parents of many other countries think it is a way to make the children behave orderly by slight physical punishment like slapping or spanking and they admit they do things like this at ordinary times. According to the survey of the women’s federation in Guangzhou， only 37.5% of the interviewees think physical punishment on children belongs to domestic violence and the victims would call the police after being abused of 35 times at average.

未成年人遭受家庭暴力一直是一個全球性問題，但相比于婦女遭受家庭暴力，其關(guān)注度和研究力度都偏低，原因之一可能是社會觀念——許多人，甚至包括受虐者在內(nèi)，不認(rèn)為一些行為屬于家庭暴力。

聯(lián)合國兒童基金會數(shù)據(jù)表明，約十分之三的成年人相信體罰對正確教導(dǎo)和培養(yǎng)孩子必不可少，半數(shù)15至19周歲少女（約1.26億人）認(rèn)為有時丈夫攻擊或毆打妻子是合理的。經(jīng)合組織成員國中，除丹麥和瑞典大部分家長認(rèn)為體罰孩子不可接受外，許多國家家長都相信諸如掌摑或打屁股之類的輕微體罰是教育孩子守紀(jì)律的可行方法，他們承認(rèn)自己平時會使用這些方式進行教導(dǎo)。2014年中國廣州婦聯(lián)的調(diào)查中，僅37.5%的受訪者認(rèn)為家長打孩子屬于家暴行為，受害者平均遭遇35次家暴后才會報警。

According to the Canadian report， in the lawsuit that was called the “worst case of abuse the police has ever seen” by Ottawa police， the 11-year-old boy had many scratches and scars on his body and was of malnutrition. But his stepmother claimed that the child was “out of control” and was diagnosed of attention deficit disorder and had mental drug therapy， “I did nothing”， but the boy’s father admitted he had chained the boy in the basement by chains and plastic belts.

In 2013， two little girls were found dead at home because of starvation， and the reason may be their mother left them at home for a long time without care. There was similar situation before， fortunately， they went out and were found by the neighbors. The neighbors once suggested sending them to children welfare association， but since they got their mother， it didn’t work. At last， the avoidable tragedy happened.

加拿大媒體報道，在一項渥太華警察稱為“警方見過的最惡劣的虐待案”訴訟中，11歲受虐男孩身上有多處抓傷、疤痕且營養(yǎng)不良，但其繼母聲稱孩子已經(jīng)“失控”，曾被診斷患有注意力缺陷障礙，在接受精神藥物治療，“我什么都沒做”，而男孩生父承認(rèn)自己用鏈子和塑料長帶把男孩鎖在家中地下室里。

2013年，南京兩名女童被發(fā)現(xiàn)餓死家中，原因可能是母親長時間將孩子獨自留在房中不顧。之前也曾遇到類似情況，所幸當(dāng)時女童跑出家門，被鄰居發(fā)現(xiàn)才沒有餓死。而鄰居曾提議將女童送往兒童福利院，但因母親尚健在，福利院無法收容。最終，這場本可避免的悲劇發(fā)生了。

“People always think domestic violence belongs to private affairs and should be solved by oneself. Even calling the police means just conciliation.” China Youth News premised the words of Professor Li Hongtao of China Women's University. Before the law draft of anti-domestic violence， the clauses relate to this regard exist in laws and regulations like Marriage Law and Law of Protection Minors that many lawyers think it is not practicable. People’s Daily once commented that， for cases relate to parents’ abuse on minors’ legal rights and interests， the accountability system is not complete and the punishment is not enough that many abusers haven’t been punished effectively and cannot change parents’ idea of sparing the rod and spoiling the child.

Therefore， the legislation and law popularization are both necessary for improving the public awareness of minors being abused by domestic violence and protecting them from being hurt.

“很多時候，人們都覺得家暴是私事，應(yīng)該關(guān)起門來自己解決。即使報警，也多是調(diào)解調(diào)解就完事了。”《中國青年報》引述中華女子學(xué)院教授李洪濤的話說。中國反家庭暴力法草案出臺前，與反家暴相關(guān)的條款散布于《婚姻法》、《未成年人保護法》等法律法規(guī)中，許多律師認(rèn)為缺乏可操作性?！度嗣袢請蟆吩u論，在未成年人合法權(quán)益受父母侵害的案件中，“責(zé)任追究制度不夠完善”，“處罰方式如同隔靴搔癢，導(dǎo)致很多家暴得不到有效處罰”，難以扭轉(zhuǎn)父母“不打不成器”的觀念。

由此可見，要提高社會對未成年人遭受家庭暴力的認(rèn)識，保護未成年人免受家暴危害，立法和普法缺一不可。

Keep minors away from domestic violence

讓未成年人遠(yuǎn)離家暴

The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child asks that， “any cruel torture or punishment on children that would bring harm to them were forbidden. Children have been hurt， neglected or abused have the rights to get help. Children have the rights to know their rights and interests. Adults should know these rights and interests and help children understand them.”

In European Union，18 countries have the act for protecting children that clearly said how to define， report， evaluate and protect children suffering from violence， abuse and neglect. 13 countries have specific national policy for protecting children and all country members have related clauses for evaluating children’s living condition and ask all the staff contacting to children have the responsibility to report to children protection institution once they are found abused. Like the National Program on Prevention of Violence Against Children and for Assistance to Children 2011–2015 for keeping children away from violence and providing aid for them， it arranged experts in many institutions to train the staff how to identify kinds of violence and help children； Holland organized an interdisciplinary team to evaluate possible children abuse case and formulate protection measures； the Youth Care Services in Belgium signed a cooperative agreement with the Birth and Childhood Office to strengthen the cooperation between teenager care workers and office community health workers. But in some countries due to the excessive working load of specialties and lack of staff， it is hard to implement the set standard.

《聯(lián)合國兒童權(quán)利公約》規(guī)定，“禁止任何人對兒童實施酷刑或造成傷害的處罰。如果曾經(jīng)受到傷害、忽視或虐待，兒童有權(quán)獲得幫助。兒童有權(quán)了解自己的權(quán)利。大人應(yīng)該了解這些權(quán)利，并幫助兒童了解它們?！?/p>

在歐盟，有18個國家擁有保護兒童的法案，明確指出如何界定、報告、評估和保護遭受暴力、虐待和忽視行為的兒童受害者。13個國家制定了保護兒童的具體國策，所有成員國都有評定兒童生存狀況的相關(guān)條款，規(guī)定與兒童接觸的專職人員發(fā)現(xiàn)兒童受虐時有義務(wù)向兒童保護機構(gòu)報告。如立陶宛于2011至2015年間實施防止暴力傷害兒童和援助兒童的國家項目，由專家在多間機構(gòu)培訓(xùn)職員如何鑒別各種暴力形式，幫助受害兒童；荷蘭組建了一只跨學(xué)科的專業(yè)團隊，評估可能的兒童虐待案件并訂立保護措施；比利時青少年關(guān)懷機構(gòu)與嬰童辦公室簽訂了一項合作協(xié)議，加強青少年護理工作者與辦公室社會醫(yī)務(wù)人員的合作。但也有一些國家由于專業(yè)人員工作繁重或缺少人力，難以貫徹既定標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。

The law draft of China has learned from the experience of other countries and made school， medical aid agencies and public welfare institutions have the responsibility to report， if they didn’t report and caused serious consequence， related people in charge should be punished； people’s court can issue “personal safety protective order” when necessary to forbid abuser contacting or abusing victim and it can repeal the guardian qualification if children under guardianship were badly abused by the guardian. Domestic violence is not the home business for each family any more， the law enforcement agency finally has the law to abide by and the tragedy in Nanjing would not happen again.

In order to insure the law enforcement effectiveness， Li Hongtao said the law enforcement agency should be trained professionally. The news about abused woman stabbed to death by her husband in the police station shocked the whole country and showed the poor protection of the agency. Li said when the victim called the police， the policeman just said coldly for getting evidence “take of your clothes！” that the victim was mentally hurt for the second time. The UN conference documents also advised that China should set up the multi-cooperated anti-domestic violence interventional mechanism， perfect the punishment measures on abusers， improve law enforcement， carry out publicity and education of anti-domestic violence and self-protection through media and schools， provide professional shelter， medical service and mental rehabilitation service for survivors and offer mental and abstinence counselling treatment for abusers.

It is meaningful and imperative to protect minors from domestic violence. Just like what Yin Jianli said in her book A Good Mother Is Better than A Good Teacher， to learn how to be parents， “the simplest first step is not to beat and scold children anymore and not to be a savage wearing business suit.”

此次中國反家庭暴力法草案借鑒了其他國家的保護經(jīng)驗，規(guī)定學(xué)校、醫(yī)療救助、社會福利等機構(gòu)有報告義務(wù)，若未報案而造成嚴(yán)重后果的，相關(guān)責(zé)任人須接受處分；人民法院必要時可發(fā)出“人身安全保護令”，禁止加害人再次接觸、加害受害者，并可依法撤銷嚴(yán)重侵害被監(jiān)護人合法權(quán)益的監(jiān)護人資格。家庭暴力不再是各人家務(wù)事，執(zhí)法機關(guān)亦終于有法可依，南京兒童慘死的案件當(dāng)不會重現(xiàn)。

為保證法律執(zhí)行效力，李洪濤認(rèn)為執(zhí)法機構(gòu)需要專業(yè)培訓(xùn)。此前家暴的女子在警察局被丈夫砍死的新聞?wù)痼@全國，這體現(xiàn)了執(zhí)法機構(gòu)保護不力。李洪濤說有的受害者報警后，警察取證時冷冰冰道“脫！”，讓受害者受到二次心理創(chuàng)傷。聯(lián)合國會議文件還建議，中國應(yīng)建立多部門合作的反家庭暴力干預(yù)機制，完善懲戒施暴者的措施，加強執(zhí)法力度，并通過媒體及學(xué)校進行廣泛的反家暴和自我保護宣傳教育，為家暴幸存者提供專業(yè)庇護、醫(yī)療、心理康復(fù)服務(wù)，對施暴者進行心理、精神、戒癮等輔導(dǎo)治療。

保護未成年人免受家庭暴力侵害意義深遠(yuǎn)，勢在必行。正如《好媽媽勝過好老師》一書作者尹建莉所寫，學(xué)習(xí)做父母，“最簡單的第一步就是不再打罵孩子，不做穿西裝的野人?！?/p>