養(yǎng)兒之道

The high cost of parent is not unique to China. Though their parenting way is often praised and learned from by Chinese parents， foreign parents are not as carefree as they are imagined.

育兒成本高并不是中國(guó)獨(dú)有的現(xiàn)象，國(guó)外育兒方式雖常被中國(guó)父母盛贊和效仿，但其實(shí)外國(guó)父母?jìng)円膊⒉皇窍胂笾心前銦o(wú)憂無(wú)慮。

It costs highly to raise children in abroad and governments help

國(guó)外育兒價(jià)不菲，政府幫忙養(yǎng)孩子

Nine years ago， a survey of more than 2，000 British adults conducted by showed： old mothers， increasing housing prices and soaring cost of education of children had made British families \"shrink\". The one of every 5 interviewed couples decided not to have children. Among the people who did not want to have a family， 37% believed that it was because they did not want to compromise on their own way of living， while the other 15% were people who had to postpone the plan of having a family due to living expenses. Among the respondents， a small number of people were very eager to have more children， but delayed it because of funding problems. More than one third of the age of 25 to 34 years old were postponing their plan to have children due to funding problems and some 24% of the people had been waiting for more than 5 years. How much is the cost of children in Britain？ According to a research result provided by CEBR for the Vitoria Insurance Company in Liverpool， the cost of child rearing of a British family （from birth to 21 years old） is up to 230，000 pounds， 82，000 pounds more than that of ten years ago. The research found that many British families， in order to save money， reduce the cost of buying toys or even food for their children， but even so， the savings are still unable to fill the gap caused by the rising cost of children.

The Costs of Kids Report released in 2013 by Australia's Suncorp Metway Bank showed that their cost of kids climbed to 250 AUD per week， including 12 costs such as that of food， health care and education and so on. The cost of the age of 17 from the birth of a child to 18 years old is the most expensive. Monique Reynolds， Regional Manager of the bank said that costs of kids are increasing at an surprising rate and in the past year， cost of nursing and health care of children rose by 17%， much faster than the rising speed of consumer price index. In different stages， infants cost 220 AUD every week； children cost 185 AUD a week spent； pupils cost 180 AUD every week and teenage costs as high as 258 AUD every week. Calculated like this， the average annual cost kids in Australia is almost up to 10000 AUD， and it takes 180000 AUD for raising a child to 18 years old.

The U.S. Department of Agriculture had assessment in 2014 on the national cost of children. According to the report， from the time a child was born to 18 years old， the parents of a middle-income family would spent more than 245，000 USD for the child. The cost of kids was affected by region and income. The cost of child of the family that lived in the northeastern of the U.S. could be as high as 455，000 USD， while those families living in low-income areas could spend much less， with about 145，500 USD. Yet the cost of university was not included in these numbers， and the cost of university education was rising year by year. However， the report also said， in that toys and clothes could be reused and pursing more food would be cheaper， raising more children would lower the cost. A family with 3 or more than 3 children cost 22% less than a family with two.

早在九年前，英國(guó)斯基普頓房屋互助委員會(huì)對(duì)兩千多名英國(guó)成年人進(jìn)行的調(diào)查顯示：高齡母親、住房?jī)r(jià)格上揚(yáng)以及加速上漲的子女教育費(fèi)用正迫切使英國(guó)家庭“縮水”。受訪的每5對(duì)夫婦中就有1對(duì)決心不要孩子。在不打算組建家庭的受訪者中，37%認(rèn)為這是因?yàn)樗麄儾辉妇妥约旱纳罘绞阶龀鐾讌f(xié)，而另外的15%則是因生活開(kāi)支而不得不將組建家庭的計(jì)劃推遲。受訪者中，也有人極度渴望生育更多子女，但因資金問(wèn)題被迫將時(shí)間后延。年齡在25歲到34歲之間的受訪者中，超過(guò)三分之一的人都因資金問(wèn)題已經(jīng)或正在推延要小孩的時(shí)間，其中甚至有約24%的人已為此等待了5年以上的時(shí)間。英國(guó)的育兒成本有多高呢？根據(jù)英國(guó)經(jīng)濟(jì)和商業(yè)中心（CEBR）近期為利物浦維多利亞保險(xiǎn)公司出具的一份研究結(jié)果表明，一個(gè)英國(guó)家庭的育兒經(jīng)費(fèi)（從孩子出生到21歲）高達(dá)23萬(wàn)英鎊，比十年前增加了8.2萬(wàn)英鎊。經(jīng)過(guò)研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，很多英國(guó)家庭為了節(jié)省開(kāi)支，削減了為孩子購(gòu)買玩具甚至是食物的開(kāi)支，但即便是這樣，省下來(lái)的部分開(kāi)支仍舊無(wú)法填補(bǔ)價(jià)格不斷上漲的育兒項(xiàng)目。

澳大利亞SuncorpMetway銀行2013年發(fā)布的育兒花費(fèi)報(bào)告（Costs of Kids Report）表明，本國(guó)育兒消費(fèi)已經(jīng)攀升到每周250澳元，其中包含食品、健康和教育支出等12大支出項(xiàng)目。從孩子出生到18周歲的階段里17歲時(shí)的花費(fèi)是最昂貴的。銀行區(qū)域總經(jīng)理雷諾茲（Monique Reynolds）表示育兒費(fèi)用正在以驚人的速度迅猛增長(zhǎng)，在過(guò)去的一年里，兒童保育和健康護(hù)理花費(fèi)上漲了17%，大大超出了消費(fèi)者物價(jià)指數(shù)上升的速度。在孩子各階段花費(fèi)中，嬰兒階段每周花費(fèi)220澳元；兒童階段每周花費(fèi)185澳元；小學(xué)階段每周花費(fèi)180澳元；青少年階段每周花費(fèi)更是高達(dá)258澳元。如此計(jì)算，澳大利亞平均每年在養(yǎng)育孩子的花費(fèi)上達(dá)到了近1萬(wàn)澳元，將一個(gè)小孩養(yǎng)育至18歲大約需要花費(fèi)18萬(wàn)澳元。

美國(guó)農(nóng)業(yè)部在2014年也對(duì)全國(guó)育兒花費(fèi)進(jìn)行了預(yù)估。根據(jù)報(bào)告顯示，孩子從出生成長(zhǎng)到18周歲，一個(gè)中等收入家庭的父母將要花費(fèi)超過(guò)24.5萬(wàn)美元來(lái)?yè)狃B(yǎng)他們的孩子。育兒費(fèi)用支出受到區(qū)域和收入影響。住在美國(guó)東北部城市地區(qū)的家庭育兒經(jīng)費(fèi)可能高達(dá)45.5萬(wàn)美元，但是生活在低收入地區(qū)的家庭花費(fèi)會(huì)少很多，大概14.55萬(wàn)美元。不過(guò)這些都沒(méi)有算上孩子在大學(xué)時(shí)期的花費(fèi)，而且大學(xué)教育費(fèi)用支出正在逐年上漲。但報(bào)告也稱，鑒于玩具和衣服可以重復(fù)利用，食物購(gòu)買越多越實(shí)惠，因此養(yǎng)兒越多成本就越低。擁有3個(gè)及3個(gè)以上孩子的家庭，養(yǎng)兒成本比兩個(gè)孩子的家庭要低22%。

For most European countries and the U.S.， although the cost of children is rising， at the same time， some countries come up with following support of raising children for every family. In Europe， France is the country with the highest birth rate， which is the result of high subsidies of the country to families. The government spends 8.3% of the GDP every year to support the families who make a contribution to the country by giving birth. Therefore married French parents do not have to worry about whether they can afford to raise children or not. If the parents’ income is too low， the child can enjoy all kinds of social subsidies. For single-parent families， the subsidies their children receive from government can exceed the income of a single father or a single mother. In addition to high subsidies， France also formulated a lot of policies to encourage people to have more children. For example， through reducing tax and providing subsidies at the same time. Since personal income tax accounts for a high proportion of the income， living pressure for the married people is on the rise. But once they have children， the government will reduce part of the personal income tax， and a second child will even bring with the high subsides of government.

The British government also helps families with children. It provides 20.5 pounds children's welfare fund for the family with children every week， families with many children，can get 13.55 pounds for each child from the second child. To families with more than one child， it reduces the economic pressure on parents greatly. British newspaper once reported that a man who had 26 children got about 32678 pounds from governmental welfare projects. We will not discuss here whether it is moral for parents to make profit through children， but at least we can see that British government is comparatively generous in subsides of raising children.

對(duì)于多數(shù)歐美國(guó)家，盡管養(yǎng)育孩子的成本在不斷升高，但與此同時(shí)，部分國(guó)家對(duì)于每個(gè)家庭育兒開(kāi)支的扶持也緊隨其后。在歐洲，法國(guó)是出生率最高的國(guó)家，這得益于國(guó)家對(duì)生育家庭給予的高額補(bǔ)助。政府每年花費(fèi)國(guó)民生產(chǎn)總值的8.3%用來(lái)支持生育家庭對(duì)國(guó)家做出的貢獻(xiàn)。這使得法國(guó)已婚父母完全不用擔(dān)心生孩子養(yǎng)不起的問(wèn)題。如果父母收入過(guò)低，孩子還能享受各種社會(huì)補(bǔ)助，對(duì)于單親家庭來(lái)說(shuō)，孩子受到的政府補(bǔ)助更是有可能超過(guò)單親父親或單親母親的工資。在高額補(bǔ)助的同時(shí)，法國(guó)還制定了很多政策來(lái)鼓勵(lì)法國(guó)市民生育更多的孩子。例如通過(guò)減免稅收與補(bǔ)助并行的策略。由于法國(guó)個(gè)人所得稅占工資比例較高，已婚人士的生活壓力也在不斷上升。但生育孩子之后，政府將會(huì)減免部分個(gè)人所得稅，在生育第二個(gè)孩子之后便可以享受政府帶來(lái)的高額生育補(bǔ)助。

英國(guó)政府也對(duì)有孩子的家庭進(jìn)行幫助，國(guó)家對(duì)生育家庭每周發(fā)放20.5鎊兒童福利基金，有多個(gè)孩子的家庭，從第二個(gè)孩子開(kāi)始，每個(gè)孩子還能領(lǐng)取13.55鎊的支持。對(duì)于生育多個(gè)孩子的家庭來(lái)說(shuō)，這大大減輕了父母的經(jīng)濟(jì)壓力。英國(guó)就曾有報(bào)紙報(bào)道過(guò)男子靠生育26個(gè)子女在多個(gè)福利項(xiàng)目中領(lǐng)取政府福利補(bǔ)助約32678英鎊。這里暫且不去探討父母靠孩子謀取暴利的行為是否道德，但至少可以看到英國(guó)政府在對(duì)養(yǎng)育孩子的補(bǔ)助上是比較慷慨的。

Education cost is the main cost and we should be rational in raising child

教育支出占大頭，養(yǎng)娃還需靠理性

Compared with some countries that encourage people to have more children and provide subsides for children， Chinese people tend to rely on their own. Before the implementation of the Selective Two-child Policy ， it is very common for one family to have one child. The government also implement incentive policies for only-child families， providing only-child subsides which vary from region to region. However， dozens of RMB does no help to the huge cost for children nowadays. With the improvement of living standards， raising a child does not only lie in the level of \"raising\" and more money are spent on \"parenting\"， like other countries. However， the parenting cost of China is almost all borne by the parents， and sometimes even need to turn to the elder family members of the child's parents for financial support. According to the survey conducted by the magazine Family Baby， Guangdong Women's Federation and some other media and institutions， in the first generation of only-child families， parenting cost accounts for 85% of all the costs. Among them， education， health care and housing cost the most.

On the parenting forum of Sina， a father called \"big-head daddy” once listed his the monthly cost of his 4-year-old daughter （unit： RMB）： kindergarten nursery： 2000； meals： 400； piano： 600； roller skating： 200； traditional Chinese painting： 120； abacus： 240； babysitter： 1500； garments： 300； food and snacks： 400； toys， books and CD： 100； playing and watching shows： 100 （cost of companion of adults not included）； traveling： 200； education： 1500； milk powder： 100； medicine and treatment if she was sick. The monthly costs on average reaches 8，000 RMB， of which education cost is up to 60.8%. The parenting channel of Tencent got almost the same ratio from the questionnaires it got in Ji'nan. The interviewed people believed that education cost makes up the largest proportion in the total cost， for about 60%， followed by health care and insurance cost， which accounts for about 15%.

The increasing education investment is one of the most important factors of the rise of cost of children. Although China implements compulsory education of nine years， nowadays the education cost is far more than what it was before. On the one hand， it is related to the improvement of income of all the people and that \"money worths less and less\"， on the other hand， it is affected by the educational concept and the shortage of high-quality educational resources. The faith of \"Don't let the children fall behind at the starting line\" is a great pressure on the parent， like the bill post by \"big-head daddy\"， the little girl is on the path of “comprehensive development” composed by extra-curricular classes. Seeing that other people’s children attend a variety of classes， an extra-curricular classes， few parents can resist the temptation. In addition to the tuition of class itself， in order to compete for high-quality educational resources， buying house in the school district， paying fees to choose school and cost of giving gifts to people have become a heavy cost that parents are not avoid. In Guiyang， Momo’s mother moved three times in five years in order to make it convenient for her daughter to go to school， which is the vivid modern version of the \"Mencius' Mother Moves Her Home Three Times to Better Her Son's Education”. It can be seen that Momo’ mother spend great energy and large fortune to buy a house in school district to better her daughter’s education.

相對(duì)于一些國(guó)家鼓勵(lì)生育并發(fā)放育兒福利，中國(guó)人在生養(yǎng)小孩所需的經(jīng)費(fèi)上更多的是靠自己。在單獨(dú)二胎政策實(shí)施之前，一家一個(gè)孩子的現(xiàn)象極為普遍。政府也對(duì)獨(dú)生子女家庭實(shí)行獎(jiǎng)勵(lì)政策，發(fā)放獨(dú)生子女保障費(fèi)，發(fā)放標(biāo)準(zhǔn)根據(jù)地區(qū)差異而不同，但幾十元的保障費(fèi)用對(duì)于如今龐大的育兒經(jīng)費(fèi)支出來(lái)說(shuō)，只不過(guò)是杯水車薪。隨著生活水平的提高，育兒也不再只是停留在“養(yǎng)”這個(gè)層面，更多的支出同其他國(guó)家一樣，花費(fèi)在“育”上。然而，中國(guó)育兒所產(chǎn)生的邊際成本幾乎全部由父母承擔(dān)，有的甚至需要求助于孩子父母的長(zhǎng)輩來(lái)進(jìn)行經(jīng)濟(jì)支持。根據(jù)《家庭·育兒》雜志、廣東婦聯(lián)以及其它媒體和機(jī)關(guān)單位開(kāi)展的調(diào)查顯示，在第一代獨(dú)生子女組成的家庭中，育兒支出占到了全部開(kāi)支的85%。而其中，在教育、醫(yī)療和住房上花的錢最多。

在新浪育兒論壇上，一位名叫“大頭爸爸”的父親曾列出了他4歲女兒一個(gè)月的費(fèi)用（單位：元）：幼兒園托費(fèi)：2000；飯費(fèi)：400；鋼琴：600；輪滑：200；國(guó)畫：120；珠心算：240：保姆費(fèi)：1500；衣服：300；食物和零食：400；玩具、書和光盤：100；玩和看節(jié)目：100（不包括大人陪同的費(fèi)用）；旅游：200；教育基金：1500；奶粉：100；如果生病，還要另外計(jì)算醫(yī)藥費(fèi)。一年算下來(lái)，每個(gè)月平均近8000元，其中用于教育的費(fèi)用高達(dá)60.8%。騰訊網(wǎng)育兒頻道在濟(jì)南的調(diào)查問(wèn)卷中也顯示出幾乎一樣的支出比例。被訪者均認(rèn)為教育支出在總支出中占的比例最大，大約占60%左右，其次是看病和買各種保險(xiǎn)的花銷，大約占到15%。

教育方面投入的增高是生養(yǎng)孩子成本升高極為重要的因素之一。雖然中國(guó)推行九年制義務(wù)教育，但如今的教育成本遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)大過(guò)從前。這一方面與經(jīng)濟(jì)收入的整體水平提高以及“錢越來(lái)越不值錢”有關(guān)系，另一方面則受教育理念及優(yōu)質(zhì)教育資源短缺的影響。“不讓孩子輸在起跑線上”的信念成為壓在家長(zhǎng)身上的大山，正如“大頭爸爸”曬出的賬單，小小年紀(jì)的女兒已經(jīng)開(kāi)始走上了“全面發(fā)展”的課外興趣班之路?？粗鴦e人的孩子狂報(bào)各種補(bǔ)習(xí)班、興趣班，很少有家長(zhǎng)按捺得住。除了上課本身的費(fèi)用外，為了爭(zhēng)奪優(yōu)質(zhì)教育資源，購(gòu)買學(xué)區(qū)房、擇校費(fèi)、人情送禮費(fèi)也成為家長(zhǎng)們繞不開(kāi)的沉重成本。在貴陽(yáng)的茉茉媽為了女兒上學(xué)方便，在五年之內(nèi)搬了三次家，生動(dòng)演繹了現(xiàn)代版的“孟母三遷”。可見(jiàn)為了買學(xué)區(qū)房方便女兒上學(xué)，茉茉媽在精力和金錢上都下足了本。

Nicholas Eberstadt， Demographer of American Enterprise Institute （AEI） said that \"The obvious fact is that great changes have taken place in people's views on family， children and the future. China is developing towards other low-fertility countries in East Asia， such as Japan， South Korea and so on.\" The website of Bloomberg once reported that many infant products are sold in China in much higher prices than that in the U.S.， partly because that Chinese parents are willing to spend a lot of money for their only offspring. WangFeng， Professor of sociology， University of California， Irvine thought， \"the Chinese parents have a common cultural values， which emphases on children's success. They do this through putting a large investment in children.\" Mrs Zhao who lives in Beijing said， \"I want to give the best of everything to my child”， but the result is that the best thing has very high price， and the pressure “soars\". This wish of giving their children the best resources is very common for Chinese parents. They do not want to let their children fall behind at the starting line， but the high cost also burden the parents with heavy pressure. Mrs Zhao feels frustrated with an income that is not high and a relatively high cost of children. Sometime she has to reduce her on expense to meet the needs of her child.

For most Chinese people， family has always been the focus of life and child is the core in the family. Many businessmen aims at such \"pain points\" of families， and make the parent-child consumption market popular without difficulty， making children as bait to empty the purse of their parents. But whether \" to give children the best of everything\" can surely bring \"the best result\"？ Lei Hong， Professor of Sociology Department of Huazhong University of Science and Technology thinks that giving all the best to children is to meet certain psychological needs of the adults， but there are unreasonable factors in the cost of children. Choosing school and choosing the best is the extra “supplement” that parents give their children， hoping to make them successful， and a lot of money is spent unnecessarily. The survey found that the economic investment for children is not necessarily proportional to their healthy growth. Over-encouraging of children to have high consumption will breed their desire to keep up with the Joneses and the concept that material comes first， which is bad for children's mental health， causing the deviation of and reality easily.

Compared with spoiling children with material， the investment of emotional education and quality education seems to be more effective. Some of the more \"successful\" parents say that they pay more attention to communicate with their children， putting more energy and money in cultivating the observation， expression and self-care ability of children， stimulating their self-confidence， curiosity and interest in learning. In the face of many unnecessary things such as \"imported toys \"， “all kinds of extra-curricular classes，\" and \"summer camp abroad\"， parents should remain rational， rather than follow or compete blindly， choosing the parenting way in accordance with their own economic conditions， and abandoning the desire to pursue fame and profit. Gu Baochang， Professor of Population Development Studies Center of Renmin University of China once tried to persuade the young parents at present in an interview that they should place less emphasis on materials but more on connections. He said that the society should take more responsibility in having children， but if parents always hold the opinion that \"material comes first\"， their desire will be difficult to be fulfilled. The healthy growth of children is the first concern of every family， at present when the basic cost of children grows， parents should learn to be clever， do things within their capacities and get rid of the title of \"slave to children\". This can not only save some unnecessary expenses， but also relieve some unnecessary burden of children， making them grow up healthy and happily while improving life quality of the whole family.

美國(guó)企業(yè)研究所人口統(tǒng)計(jì)學(xué)家埃伯施塔特·尼古拉斯說(shuō)：“顯而易見(jiàn)的事實(shí)是，人們對(duì)家庭、孩子和前途的看法發(fā)生了巨變。中國(guó)正朝著其他低生育率的東亞國(guó)家的方向發(fā)展，例如日本和韓國(guó)等。”彭博社網(wǎng)站曾報(bào)道過(guò)許多嬰幼兒產(chǎn)品在中國(guó)的售價(jià)比在美國(guó)高得多，部分原因是中國(guó)父母心甘情愿為他們唯一的后代花大錢。加利福尼亞大學(xué)歐文分校社會(huì)學(xué)教授汪峰（音）認(rèn)為：“中國(guó)父母擁有共同的文化價(jià)值觀，這種文化強(qiáng)調(diào)子女的成功。他們通過(guò)對(duì)孩子大筆投入來(lái)做到這一點(diǎn)。”在北京居住的趙女士就表示“什么都想給孩子最好的”，但帶來(lái)的結(jié)果是最好的東西價(jià)格也很高，“壓力一下就上去了”。這種希望給孩子最好資源的育兒心理在中國(guó)極為普遍，家長(zhǎng)不愿意讓孩子輸在起跑線上，但是高額的費(fèi)用也讓很多家長(zhǎng)深感壓力。趙女士對(duì)于不算高的收入和相對(duì)高的育兒支出也表示無(wú)奈，很多時(shí)候只好縮緊自己的開(kāi)支來(lái)滿足孩子的需求。

對(duì)于大多數(shù)中國(guó)人來(lái)說(shuō)，家庭一直都是生活的重心，孩子在家庭中更是處于核心地位。很多商家正是看中了這樣的家庭“痛點(diǎn)”，才不費(fèi)力氣便炒火了親子消費(fèi)市場(chǎng)，用孩子做誘餌掏空父母的錢包。但是否“給孩子最好的一切”就一定能帶來(lái)“最好的結(jié)果”？華中科技大學(xué)社會(huì)學(xué)系主任雷洪教授認(rèn)為，一切都給孩子最好的，是滿足成人的一種心理需求，但這些育兒成本里確有不合理成分，擇校、培優(yōu)，是家長(zhǎng)望子成龍給孩子的額外“滋補(bǔ)”，花的不少都是冤枉錢。調(diào)查發(fā)現(xiàn)，對(duì)孩子的經(jīng)濟(jì)投入和他們的健康成長(zhǎng)并不一定成正比。過(guò)分鼓勵(lì)孩子高消費(fèi)容易滋生他們的攀比心理和物質(zhì)至上的心態(tài)，反而不利于孩子的心理健康發(fā)展，容易導(dǎo)致理想狀態(tài)與客觀現(xiàn)實(shí)的偏差。

相比于在物質(zhì)上去嬌慣孩子，情感教育和素質(zhì)教育的投入似乎更能顯成效。一些較為“成功”的父母表示，他們更注重和孩子溝通交流，把精力和金錢更多地放在培養(yǎng)孩子的觀察、表達(dá)和生活自理能力上，去激發(fā)孩子自信心、求知欲和學(xué)習(xí)興趣。面對(duì)許多諸如“進(jìn)口玩具”、“各式培訓(xùn)班”、“出國(guó)夏令營(yíng)”等非必需的項(xiàng)目，家長(zhǎng)應(yīng)當(dāng)保持理性，不盲目效仿和攀比，選擇符合自身經(jīng)濟(jì)條件的育兒支出方式，摒棄追名逐利的心理。中國(guó)人民大學(xué)人口與發(fā)展研究中心教授顧寶昌在一次采訪中曾勸導(dǎo)當(dāng)下的年輕父母要輕物質(zhì)重感情。他表示，社會(huì)應(yīng)該在生育方面承擔(dān)更多的責(zé)任，但是父母如果總是抱著“物質(zhì)第一”的心態(tài)養(yǎng)育后代，這樣的欲壑將很難被填平。孩子的健康成長(zhǎng)自然是每個(gè)家庭中所關(guān)注的大事，在基本的育兒成本不斷增長(zhǎng)的今天，要學(xué)會(huì)做聰明的家長(zhǎng)，量力而為，主動(dòng)摘掉“孩奴”的帽子。這樣不僅可以節(jié)省不必要的開(kāi)支，還能為孩子減去一些多余的負(fù)擔(dān)，讓孩子健康快樂(lè)成長(zhǎng)的同時(shí)還能提升家庭整體的生活質(zhì)量。