The Perfect Holiday

E.V. Lucas

∷陳榕 譯

Great men are few in any case, and we are so much too apt to look for them in the wrong places—in Parliament for example—that we are in danger of missing some of those that do exist.Not only did I find a great man, but I discovered a great secret too. I discovered how to spend a holiday.

The secret is that our holidays should rest not only our minds and bodies but our characters too. Take, for example, a good man. His goodness wants a holiday as much as his poor weary head or his exhausted body. I wonder if he should not rest it by becoming for three weeks a bad man... Similarly a wicked man should rest his wickedness and devote his month at Brighton to good works.

I do not, I must confess, see, in England, any period of prosperity for my plan; but it is sound, none the less.Perhaps the nearest practicable advice to it that one dares to give is that on a holiday we should endeavor to change the conditions of our life in every way as completely as possible. Only thus can a holiday be,for those of us who are active and restless in mind, a genuine rest. For it is not idleness that such require, but a change of employment.

For myself, who am neither good nor bad, and therefore have neither goodness nor badness to rest, the best holiday would be some occupation in the open air of an exciting or continually engrossing character, as utterly opposed to the ordinary routine of driving a pen as could be devised. And I think I have found it. I believe that a perfect holiday would be to join a traveling circus for a week or so as a utility man.

This discovery came upon me in a flash at Southampton as I watched the performance.During one turn—it was that hoary barebacked jockey act in which the rider sits on the horse’s tail and rocks his arms, and of which I tired permanently thirty years ago—I read in the programme the announcement of the circus’s immediate intentions, and it was then that the desirability of such a life made itself felt—desirability at any rate to a weary literary hack who wished to forget himself and his trade in a certain absorbing Bohemian strenuousness. For on the next day there were to be two performances and a grand procession at Winchester; and the next day at Basingstoke; and the next day at Farnham,and so forth—always the two performances and always (weather permitting) the grand procession of triumphal cars through the principal streets at noon.

What a life! Everything in it but sleep, so far as I can see. Popularity, applause, lamps, might and muscle; the contiguity of wild beasts; tigers, tigers, burning bright in the watches of the night; acquaintance with clowns;proximity to dazzling equestriennes—all inspiring reverence and wonder in small boys. What a life! And wages, too, honestly earned, and perhaps now and then some food and drink. Perhaps a word from Lord John himself: not necessarily friendly, but a word from a lord.

So I felt as I read the programme, quite content to be just a menial hand. But then came the great man, Pimpo,and I saw that I must aim higher.

I may say at once that Pimpo was the busiest clown I have ever seen, and the most versatile. The ordinary clown, it is true, may now and then be detected by the observant—and all of us are observant in a circus—within the clothes of the ring-master, or among the gentlemen who stand at the entrance with white gloves and applaud the ladies; while his appearance, devoid of humor, among the troupe of acrobats who leap over elephants, is not uncommon. But Pimpo never divested himself of his character as a laughter maker, whatever his role might be. And he had more roles than I can remember. We saw him first as a clown and a clown only, winning bottles of wine from the ring-master by a series of adroit sophisms. He was then, as I say, a clown only: a good one, it is true, but no more. He came next with a tea-tray and essayed to loop the loop on it, on this occasion proving himself to be a finished acrobat.A troupe of jumping dogs soon after entered; and who should be their trainer and exhibitor but Pimpo? Later came the great attraction of the evening, if the size of type on the bills is an indication: a “Horde of Forestbred Siberian Bears.” In strolled the horde, very tame and mild, three in number, and sat at a desk and drank milk from a bottle and rode on a toy roundabout—all under the direction of whom? Pimpo. (There is no doubt about his name, for it was on his back.)

Here was versatility enough, one would think: but Pimpo had other views. Only a few minutes passed before he was again in our midst as a wire-walker, doing things in mid-air that I could not do on the ground and putting to shame his three companions, who performed as it were on crutches beside him. And then a final entry, as impresario to a couple of elephants whose special talent was shaving each other and extinguishing a house on fire. That was an evening’s work of some magnitude alone: but Pimpo did not merely put his various beasts through their tricks and nothing else:he jested incessantly until the little boys’ laughter was as steadily recurrent as the roar of the surge; he tumbled; and once, threatening to fight the ring-master, he took off twenty waistcoats.

The elephants gone, and the burning house extinguished,the circus men began to tear up the seats, and loosen the tentropes, and prepare for the march on Winchester. I waited a little to watch them, and then turned away towards my inn.As I did so I caught sight of a sturdy fellow with a chalked face carrying a truss of hay towards the elephants’ tent. It was Pimpo, beginning his night’s work.

“There,” I said to myself, “goes a great man. It is he I would be for a fortnight——that would be a holiday indeed.”

偉人總是少數(shù)，而我們在尋找他們的時候，往往容易找錯地方——比如到議會里去找，結(jié)果反而可能會錯過那些真正偉大的人。我曾經(jīng)發(fā)現(xiàn)過一位偉大的人，而且還發(fā)現(xiàn)了一個偉大的秘密。我發(fā)現(xiàn)了應(yīng)該如何度過假期的秘訣。

秘訣是假期應(yīng)該既能讓人放松身心，也能讓人改換稟性。以一個好人為例。他的美德就像他可憐的、萎頓的大腦或者是筋疲力盡的身體一樣需要休假。我在想他難道不該給美德放個假嗎，當(dāng)三個星期的惡人…… 同理，壞蛋應(yīng)該放棄作惡，利用在布萊頓的這個月行善積德。

實話實說，我知道在英國，這樣的計劃什么時候都行不通。不過，這計劃是合理的。或許最實用的建議是我們在休假時，應(yīng)該盡可能地徹底改變生活環(huán)境。對我們這些大腦一刻不停地飛轉(zhuǎn)的人來說，只有這樣的假期才是真正的休息。休息需要的不是無所事事的懶散，而是換個職業(yè)。

E. V. 盧卡斯（1868—1938）出生于倫敦一個教友派家庭，16歲在書店當(dāng)學(xué)徒，自學(xué)成才，成為新聞記者，后擔(dān)任英國著名幽默雜志《潘趣》（Punch）的編輯。盧卡斯的藝術(shù)創(chuàng)作跨越諸多領(lǐng)域，曾經(jīng)寫過戲劇、詩歌、小說，也曾經(jīng)因出版查爾斯·蘭姆的傳記而蜚聲文壇。然而，總體而言，他的作品以散文的成就最大。他的散文筆觸從容，富有想象力，語言詼諧幽默，其中代表作有《性格與喜劇》（Character and Comedy, 1907）、《付出與收獲》（Giving and Receiving, 1922）、《漫步者的獎賞》（Saunterer’s Rewards, 1933）等。

我算不上好人，也不是壞蛋，因此不需要給什么美德或者邪惡放個假。對于我來說，最好的假日就是呆在戶外，做點讓人興高采烈或者是忘乎所以的事，相對于日復(fù)一日地耍筆桿，這是我所能想到的最為不同的選擇。我想我已經(jīng)知道了該干什么。我相信完美的假期就是成為馬戲團的一員，干上一個星期左右，當(dāng)個萬能的配角。

我是在南安普頓看表演時，靈機一動想到這個主意的。在觀看某輪節(jié)目時——節(jié)目表演的是傳統(tǒng)的無鞍騎術(shù)，騎手坐在馬尾部，揮舞著胳膊，這種節(jié)目30年前我就看膩了——我在節(jié)目單上讀到了馬戲團目前的行程安排，就在那一刻，我體會到了這種生活的吸引力——這種生活絕對合乎疲憊文人的心意，可以讓人忘卻自我，忘卻工作，投身到精彩的、火熱的、波西米亞式的生活中。第二天，在溫切斯特有兩場表演和一場大游行；一天后在巴星斯多克；再過一天，在法漢姆，諸如此類——慣例是兩場表演，慣例（只要天氣允許）是在午間的主干道上進行花車巡游。

多精彩的生活啊！照我看，除了睡覺，應(yīng)有盡有。人們的熱烈追捧、掌聲、石腦油燈、力量與肌肉；川流不息的野獸；老虎，老虎，在夜晚人們的注視中熠熠生輝；結(jié)識小丑；接近散發(fā)無窮魅力的女騎手——這正是小男孩們夢寐以求的榮耀和精彩。多棒的人生！還有依靠誠實勞動換來的薪水，或許時不時還有食物和飲料。也許還能聽到約翰爵士本人的發(fā)言：口氣不需要多親切，只要是爵士說了話就行。

所以，我看著節(jié)目單，志得意滿地盤算著要去當(dāng)個小配角?？墒瞧綕娺@個偉大的人物出場了，我這才恍悟需要把目標訂得更高一點。

我敢說在我見過的所有小丑中，平潑是最忙碌的，也是最多才多藝的。說真話，普通的小丑要是你目光敏銳，有時是能夠辨認出來的——在看馬戲的時候，我們個個目光敏銳——他可能穿著馬戲團領(lǐng)班的衣服，也可能站在入口處的紳士堆里，帶著白手套為女士們鼓掌；如果他放棄搞笑，出現(xiàn)在雜技演員的行列里，從大象頭頂凌空飛過，這也沒什么稀奇。而平潑無論扮演什么角色，卻從未忘記自己是個要讓人歡笑的角色。他的角色多得我都記不住。我們起先發(fā)現(xiàn)他是個小丑，純粹的小丑，用一連串機敏的俏皮話從馬戲團領(lǐng)班手里贏了一瓶又一瓶的葡萄酒；照我說，他當(dāng)時只是個小丑：絕對是個好小丑，但僅此而已。接著，他帶著茶盤上場了，試圖托著茶盤翻跟頭，用這個機會證明了自己是個出色的體操家。隨后，一大群狗蹦蹦跳跳地上場了；誰是馴獸師和表演者？當(dāng)然是平潑。接著是當(dāng)晚的最大看點，光看節(jié)目單上的字號就能猜出來：“森林野生西伯利亞熊群”。這些熊踱著步上了場，表現(xiàn)得又聽話又溫順。一共三只熊，坐在桌子旁邊，從瓶子里喝牛奶，乘坐玩具旋轉(zhuǎn)木馬——這一切都是誰在指揮？平潑。（這必定是他的名字，因為就寫在他背上。）

人們會想：這已經(jīng)足夠多才多藝了吧。平潑可不這么想。幾分鐘后，他又出現(xiàn)在我們中間，這次是走鋼絲的人。他在半空中的表演我在平地上都做不了，三個同伴和他一比頓時黯然失色，他們在他身邊看起來就像是拄著拐杖的殘疾人。而他最后一次上場時，指揮著兩只大象，大象的才藝是相互剃毛，以及給一座著火的房子滅火。一晚上光是忙這些就足夠了：然而，平潑可不是只讓各式各樣的動物完成表演就行了：他不停地插科打諢，讓小男孩們的笑聲一浪高似一浪；他突然摔倒；還有一次，他威脅要和馬戲團領(lǐng)班打架，一口氣脫下了20件馬甲。

大象下場了，著火的房子熄滅了，馬戲團的人們開始拆卸座椅，松開蓬繩，為溫切斯特的游行做準備。我望著他們，等了一會兒，然后轉(zhuǎn)身向我住的酒店走去。正在此時，我看到了一位臉上涂著白粉的健碩男子拿著一大捆干草走向大象的帳篷。他是平潑，開始了晚上的工作。

“那才是個偉大的人。”我對自己說。“我想當(dāng)兩個星期的他——那才是真正的假期。”