Star dads tried to survive in embarrassment： reflecting the problems of modern family education

Though Where are We Going Dad was trying to be the “encyclopedia of education” for parents after 80s， five dads in the show were not almighty “model fathers”， they were also in awkward situation when facing tough and strange outdoor living conditions and in the cart when taking care of the kids alone. But the real expression of the “imperfect” brought parents to think and reflected the problems in modern Chinese family education.

雖然《爸爸去哪兒》節(jié)目組力圖打造80后父母的“教育百科全書”，但在節(jié)目中，五位爸爸并非十項(xiàng)全能的“模范父親”，他們在條件艱苦且陌生的戶外生存中也是窘態(tài)百出，在獨(dú)自照看孩子時也常常顯得捉襟見肘。但正是通過這樣“不完美”的真實(shí)展現(xiàn)，在帶領(lǐng)家長一起反思的同時，也折射出了現(xiàn)代中國家庭教育中的一些問題所在。

Absence of education

from fathers

父親教育的缺位

Though the modern society advocates the equality between men and women， in fact， the foundations of the patriarchal society are still deep and firm， which brings the mainstream values of male being the backbone of a family. So it is still the division of labor standards that “men in charge of external affairs and female in charge of internal affairs”， and it is naturally the main responsibility of mothers to “take care of kids”. But actually， education from fathers cannot be neglected or replaced. The famous psychologist Gardi said， “Father is a unique existence， who has a special force for cultivating kids.” The study shows that， the intelligence development of child is closely bound up to the contacts with the father. Psychologist Mike Minnie also pointed out that： kids who contact with the father no less than 2 hours a day have higher IQ than that of those who contact less than 6 hours a week.

盡管現(xiàn)代社會提倡男女平等，但實(shí)際上父系社會的根基仍然深厚牢固，由此帶來的主流價值觀念是男性在家庭中要充當(dāng)頂梁柱。因此“男主外，女主內(nèi)”仍然是普遍的社會分工標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，“照顧孩子”這項(xiàng)工作自然而然成為媽媽的主要職責(zé)。但實(shí)際上，父親對孩子的教育是不可忽視的，也是不可取代的。著名的心理學(xué)家格爾迪說：“父親是一種獨(dú)特的存在，對培養(yǎng)孩子有一種特別的力量?！毖芯堪l(fā)現(xiàn)，孩子智能發(fā)展的高低與和父親接觸的密切程度息息相關(guān)。心理學(xué)家麥克·閔尼也指出：一天中，與父親接觸不少于2小時的孩子，比那些一周以內(nèi)接觸不到6小時的孩子智商更高。

In family education， father can give child gender identity that can make son become more masculine and daughter be better at coquetry. If missing something in this respect， it would slowly let child get imperfection in gender awareness when growing up. Dong Xiaoping， researcher of Institute of Teenagers of Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences also said， father is the key person to show the outside world to kid. He raised the interest of kid for the outside world and leads kid to observe the reality， which not only affects kid’s emotional and cognitive development， but also let kid obtain the sense of trust to the world from the guidance of father. It is because， different from mothers who always have a lot of concerns， fathers would communicate with kids when guiding them， encourage them to boldly explore and answer their questions， so that make them get greater feeling of success than that of frustration in the real world.

The picture of Cameron， Prime Minister of UK， taking his daughter on foot was published in the British newspapers and raised a heated debate. The tender moment shows the image of a loving father of a country’s Prime Minister. However， when it turns to the time spend by Chinese fathers on educating children； it is not that much as expected. According to the survey of Yangtse Evening Post， over 80% of fathers of kindergarten kids admit that they have never taken part in parents meeting. In family daily life or group activities， the absence of father is not a few see. Where are We Going Dad just focused on this point by letting fathers and kids participate in interesting outdoor activities together. The time spent only by dad and child can more or less touch fathers in front of the screen and makes them be more involved in parent-child activities. After a dozen of programs， all of the star fathers said， every trip shortened the distance to their children and they would never know how the kids need them if didn’t take part in the show.

在家庭教育中，爸爸能帶給孩子性別上的認(rèn)同感，可以讓兒子更陽剛，讓女兒更懂得撒嬌。如果在這方面有所缺失，會讓孩子在成長過程中慢慢顯現(xiàn)出性別意識上的不完備。上海社會科學(xué)院青少年研究所的董小蘋研究員表示，父親是向孩子呈現(xiàn)外在世界的關(guān)鍵性人物，他激起孩子對外界的興趣，引導(dǎo)孩子對現(xiàn)實(shí)的觀察，這種作用，不僅影響孩子的情感和認(rèn)知發(fā)展，而且使孩子從父親的引導(dǎo)中獲得對世界的信任感。這是因?yàn)?，不同于母親總是有很多顧慮，父親在引導(dǎo)中會與孩子相互交流，鼓勵他們大膽探索，解答他們的疑難問題，從而使他們在現(xiàn)實(shí)世界中獲得的成功感大于挫折感。

英國首相卡梅倫步行送女兒上學(xué)的照片被拍下刊登在英國報紙上，曾經(jīng)引起一陣熱議，溫情的一刻展示出了一國首相慈愛父親的形象。但反觀中國父親在教育孩子所花的時間上，投入并不如期望中那么多。揚(yáng)子晚報在調(diào)查中發(fā)現(xiàn)，有80%以上的幼兒園大班爸爸承認(rèn)沒開過家長會。在家庭日常生活或集體活動中，父親的缺席也并不少見?！栋职秩ツ膬骸芬舱亲プ×诉@個看點(diǎn)，讓爸爸帶孩子進(jìn)行有趣的戶外活動，這種父子間的單獨(dú)相處多少會讓屏幕前的爸爸們有所感觸，帶動他們更多地參與到親子活動中。十幾期的節(jié)目后，明星爸爸們都表示，每次的出行都拉近了自己和孩子之間的距離，不參加節(jié)目都不知道原來孩子這么需要自己。

The confusion of spoiling things by excessive enthusiasm

拔苗助長的困惑

In the TV program Where are We Going Dad， the innocent smile and the funkiness the children show when they go back to nature moves people greatly. When the little princess Angela asked whether she could fly on the back of the swan， when Kimi wanted to become a superman and when Tiantian was planted in the desert like a tree， the audience laughed spontaneously. This is the innocence that children at this age should have. But in reality， the world of children is not all about fairy tale. They have to face the stress of various early childhood classes and interest-oriented class. Mr. Zhang said： “Nowadays children face great pressure of competition. If they acquire knowledge too early， their innocence may be harmed， if they do not， they may fall behind other children， which is found contradictory by parents.” Some parents become panicked because they see all the children around go to acquire different knowledge and skills， and different organizations try to persuade them by attaching great importance to their lessons. Therefore， they start to cultivate their “l(fā)ittle genius”.

在《爸爸去哪兒》的節(jié)目中，孩子們天真無邪的笑容以及回歸自然后散發(fā)的童真都令人動容。當(dāng)寶貝Angela問天鵝能不能帶她飛的時候，當(dāng)Kimi要變身超人的時候，當(dāng)天天被當(dāng)成一棵樹種在沙漠里的時候，觀眾都會發(fā)自內(nèi)心地笑出來，這才是這個年齡段的孩子應(yīng)該擁有的童真世界。但在現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中，孩子們的世界里并不都是童話，他們還面對著各種早教班、興趣班的壓力。張爸爸說，“現(xiàn)在小孩將會遇到很大的競爭壓力，讓孩子過早學(xué)習(xí)知識又怕扼殺他們的天性，但是如果不學(xué)習(xí)又怕將來落后于別的同學(xué)，其實(shí)家長也挺矛盾的。”正是因?yàn)榭匆娭車暮⒆佣荚缭绲厝W(xué)習(xí)各種知識和技能，一些家長也慌了神，如果再加上早教機(jī)構(gòu)添油加醋地游說，家長們便會積極地開始打造他們的“小神童”。

Mrs Zhu is a mother of a three-year-old child. She has just obtained a PhD in history. She extremely dislikes giving knowledge to children too early： “Attending early childhood classes or comparing with other children in their skills and hobbies will eliminate the innocence of children. But nowadays Chinese parents generally believe the idea that ‘do not let your child fall behind at the starting line’ she said with a puzzled expression， “a lot of parents I know read the Analects of Confucius to their two-year-old children， being afraid that their children will fall behind， which is so funny.” In her opinion， at the infant stage， the most important thing of children is to develop good habits and communication ability. She is pleased with her daughter： \"Although she does have any knowledge or skills， I think she understands how to behave.\" In the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child there are terms that point out clearly： \"Children have the rights to rest and relax， to have games and entertaining activities that are suitable to their ages and to participate in cultural life and artistic activities freely. The right of participating in cultural life and artistic activities freely should be fully respected and that offering equal chance of cultural， artistic entertaining and relaxing activities should be encouraged.\" Early education should not be limited to the inculcation of knowledge， but should “be suitable to the age of children\"， enable children to grow up naturally， teach them common sense and at the same time do the best they can to protect their world.

剛獲得歷史學(xué)博士學(xué)位的朱女士同時也是一個三歲孩子的媽媽，她特別反感過早給孩子灌輸知識，“上早教或攀比孩子會什么其實(shí)是在扼殺孩子的童真。但是現(xiàn)在中國家長普遍都相信‘不要讓孩子輸在起跑線上’這句話，”她不解地說道，“身邊有很多家長給兩歲的小孩讀《論語》，生怕孩子落后，這種做法很可笑。”在她看來，幼兒階段最重要的是習(xí)慣的培養(yǎng)，以及與人交往能力的建立。她對自己的女兒感到很滿意：“雖然她什么都不會，可是我覺得該懂的道理她什么都懂了。”在《聯(lián)合國兒童權(quán)利公約》中也有條款明確指出：“兒童有權(quán)享有休息和閑暇，從事與兒童年齡相宜的游戲和娛樂活動，以及自由參加文化生活藝術(shù)活動。應(yīng)尊重并促進(jìn)兒童充分參加文化和藝術(shù)生活的權(quán)利，并應(yīng)鼓勵提供從事文化、藝術(shù)、娛樂和休閑活動的適當(dāng)和均等的機(jī)會?！痹缃滩⒉粌H限于知識方面的灌輸，而是提倡要“與兒童年齡相宜”，讓孩子順其自然地成長，在教給他們基本的道理時，也要盡可能地保護(hù)好他們童真的世界。

The shame of “nature-deficit”

“自然缺失”的遺憾

As what the America thinker Emerson once said： \"The secret of cultivating a good person is to let him/her live in nature.\" Although there are both advantages and disadvantages in the teaching methods of the five fathers in Where are We Going Dad， the program’s idea of making children return to nature is worth for advocating. With the rapid development of science and technology， children can have contact with all sorts of electronic products such as computer， television， mobile phone or iPad. Young parents’ reliance on electronic products could affect their children who lack self-control easily. Some parents even use these electronic products to replace the time they spend with their children. \"Given an iPad， she can sit there and play it for a whole day.\" Miaomiao's mother has some concerns， but when she is busy with her work， an iPad can really help her to \"take care\" of her seven-year-old daughter. Most children who live in cities are away from nature for too long. Farmlands and forests become more and more strange and unattractive to them， so they have a new title-- \"children with nature deficit disorder\". The term which comes from American writer Richard Louv’s book Last Child in the Woods is not a professional medical item but a description of a phenomenon. In the book， Louv expressed his concern that staying at home for a long time without contact with nature may lead to higher possibility of obesity， depression and other kinds of mental diseases of children， and their attention can be distracted easily.

正如美國思想家愛默生曾說：“培養(yǎng)好人的秘訣就是讓他在大自然中生活?！北M管《爸爸去哪兒》中五位爸爸的教育模式有利有弊，但節(jié)目組帶孩子重返自然的理念是值得提倡的。隨著日新月異的科技發(fā)展，孩子們很小就可以接觸到各種如電腦、電視、iPad、手機(jī)之類的電子產(chǎn)品。年輕爸媽對電子產(chǎn)品的依賴很容易影響到仍缺乏控制力的孩子，有的父母甚至用這些電子產(chǎn)品取代陪伴孩子的時間?！敖o她一個iPad，她就能坐著玩兒一天?！泵缑绲膵寢岆m然有些擔(dān)憂，但工作忙起來的時候iPad確實(shí)能幫她“照顧”七歲的女兒。目前大多數(shù)城市的孩子長期脫離大自然，農(nóng)田和森林對他們來說變得越來越陌生，也越來越缺乏吸引力，于是，他們有了一個新的稱謂——“自然缺失癥兒童”。這個來自于美國作家理查德·洛夫《林間最后的小孩》一書中的名詞并不是一個專業(yè)的醫(yī)學(xué)名詞，而只是一種現(xiàn)象的表述。在書中，洛夫表達(dá)出了自己的擔(dān)憂，長時間宅在家里、缺乏與自然的接觸，兒童肥胖的幾率會增加，注意力不集中甚至抑郁等各種心理疾病都可能會接踵而來。

An increasing number of studies show that， the connection with nature can have a positive effect on people’s physiological， psychological and mental health. \"Children who do not often go outside have poorer immunity， because once they have adapted themselves to a simple environment， they will feel discomfort about a complex environment.\" He Ping， director of Pediatrics of Hospital of Traditional Chinese Medicine of Yunnan Province said， \"And having activities on open grass or in fresh air of the mountains is good to the move of the lung and can help maintain the respiratory system.\" In addition， the changeable nature could help improve the imagination and creativity of human. Howard Gardner， Professor of Institute of Education of Harvard University said： \"The imagination of children who are away from nature will be fixed by existing and ordinary patterns.\" Lin Yutang also writes in his It's All Because of the Green Mountains： “the childhood experience of being close to nature is enough to be a strong support for my lifelong knowledge， morality and way of behavior， because I believe that I still observe the life with a farm boy's eyes.\" Taking children close to the ever-changing nature， retrieving the spirituality endowed by nature is also an indispensable chain of education.

越來越多的研究顯示，與自然的聯(lián)系能對人們的生理、心理和精神健康產(chǎn)生積極作用。“不常出門的兒童抵抗力較差，因?yàn)檫m應(yīng)單一環(huán)境后，復(fù)雜的環(huán)境組合容易給他們造成不適的感覺。”云南省中醫(yī)院兒科主任何平表示，“而經(jīng)常在空曠的草地上、空氣清新的山林里活動，有利于肺臟的活動，幫助保健呼吸系統(tǒng)?！辈粌H如此，大自然的變幻無窮還會有助于提高人類的想象力和創(chuàng)造力。哈佛大學(xué)教育學(xué)院的霍華德·加德納教授認(rèn)為：“孩子脫離了自然，他們的想象力就會被既定的、常見的形態(tài)固化。”林語堂也在《都是因?yàn)槟切┣嗌健分袑懙溃骸巴陼r這種與自然接近的經(jīng)驗(yàn)，足為我一生知識的和道德的至為強(qiáng)有力的后盾，因?yàn)槲蚁嘈盼胰匀皇怯靡粋€簡樸的農(nóng)家子弟的眼睛來觀看人生?！睅Ш⒆佑H近變幻無窮的自然，重新找回大自然賦予人的靈性，也是教育中不可缺少的一環(huán)。

The permeation of foreign education mode

外國教育模式的滲透

The present education has problems， more or less， but if we trace back to the situation of education in the past three decades， we will find that the education philosophy of parents has had many changes. From the free-range mode of “feeding the children up” only in 1950s to 1960s， to the “hoping the child will have a bright future” mode， which only focused on academic education in 1980s to 1990s， to the scientific education that parents care about the physical and psychological heath of children and hope they can have over-all education now. Such developing track cannot go without the influence of foreign teaching philosophy. The Chinese style of education still exists， but more and more education philosophies have permeated into the parenting experience of young parents.

雖然如今中國的教育仍然存在著或多或少的問題，但若反觀一下六十年來中國的教育情況，家長的教育觀念發(fā)生了許多變化。從上世紀(jì)五、六十年代的只要求“喂飽孩子”的放養(yǎng)模式，到八、九十年代的“望子成龍”只重視孩子學(xué)業(yè)的培養(yǎng)，再到如今家長更關(guān)注兒童的身心健康、提倡讓孩子全面發(fā)展的科學(xué)教育。這樣的發(fā)展軌跡除了中國自身發(fā)展的歷史背景影響之外，不能不說同時也受到了外國教育理念的影響。中國式教育的痕跡仍然存在，但越來越多的國外教育觀念和方法已經(jīng)開始滲透到年輕父母的“育兒經(jīng)”中。

The United States advocate the releasing of potential and letting children learn in games and experiences. The biggest characteristic of American education is that it puts more emphasis on \"experience\" than \"inculcating knowledge\". The teachers think it is more important to teach children the way to learn than to teach them how to solve several math problems. Teachers of kindergartens or primary schools will never inculcate children the knowledge and skills that are beyond their age， and they hope that children could obtain the ability to explore and observe， develop good values and way of learning by experiencing various hand-on puzzle games and activities. The biggest benefit of it is that children will have the habit of learning and exploring actively， become real explorers rather than accept the inculcation of the teachers. Americans also attache great importance to the cultivation of independence. The starting point of family education is to cultivate the pioneering spirit of children， and make them self-reliant persons. Children in the United States begin to live alone in their own room since the age of two or three， and the parents only come to the room to say goodbye at bedtime. American parents start to cultivate independence and self-care ability of children when they are little， so that they will have a strong ability to adapt to different environments in the future.

Germany places more emphasis on children’s nature. Their constitutions prohibit early development of children’s intelligence. In their opinion， the “only task” for children before they attend primary school is to grow up happily. Playing is the nature of children， so they should do what is suitable for their nature. German parents generally agree that： the cultivation of children's abstract thinking ability could lay a good foundation for the further education in the future. So parents sometimes inspire their children to draw the rooms of their home by memory or illustrate abstract objects by drawings to improve their abstract thinking ability. They also try to make their children behave precisely since they are little.

美國提倡釋放潛能，讓孩子在游戲和體驗(yàn)中學(xué)習(xí)。美國教育最大特點(diǎn)在于“重視體驗(yàn)”多于“知識傳授”，老師認(rèn)為交給孩子學(xué)習(xí)能力比教會他做幾道算術(shù)題更重要。幼兒園或小學(xué)老師決不會將不屬于這個年齡段的知識技能硬灌輸給孩子，而是希望他們通過多動手、多體驗(yàn)來在各種益智、團(tuán)隊(duì)游戲中學(xué)會觀察和探索的本領(lǐng)，形成健康的價值觀和學(xué)習(xí)方法。由此帶來的最大好處是，孩子從小會養(yǎng)成主動學(xué)習(xí)、探究的習(xí)慣，成為真正的探知者，而不是被動接受老師的灌輸。美國人還十分重視獨(dú)立性的培養(yǎng)，家庭教育是以培養(yǎng)孩子富有開拓精神、能夠成為一個自食其力的人為出發(fā)點(diǎn)的。美國兒童兩三歲起便獨(dú)居一室，父母通常在臨睡前到孩子房間里道一聲晚安就走了。美國父母從小就鍛煉孩子獨(dú)立能力和自理能力，讓小孩今后具有更強(qiáng)的適應(yīng)能力。

德國更加注重保護(hù)孩子的天性。他們的憲法禁止對孩子過早開發(fā)智力，在德國人看來，孩子在上小學(xué)之前的“唯一的任務(wù)”就是快樂成長。因?yàn)楹⒆拥奶煨允峭嫠?，所以要做符合孩子天性的事情。德國的家長還普遍認(rèn)為：培養(yǎng)孩子的抽象思維能力能為以后更高層次教育打下良好基礎(chǔ)。因此家長有時候會啟發(fā)孩子憑記憶畫出家里的房間，讓他們用圖形表現(xiàn)抽象事物，鍛煉他們的抽象思維，同時也從小培養(yǎng)他們嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)?shù)娘L(fēng)格。

Swedes have fewer restraints for children and they will not evaluate the creativity of children by their adult standards. They think that being strict to children， teaching them to obedient unconditional will only give the children a sense of depression and inferiority， and therefore they will lack independence and creativity. However， creativity is far more important than rotate learning and test scores. Swedes also think that children should first belong to society and then the family. The parenting of parents should not infringe the rights of children. Their respect for the independence of children is showed in many ways. Apart from independent living ability， Swedes also pay attention to the cultivation of children's awareness of independence. They seldom impose their opinions on children or give their children lesson on morality. Children could do anything they want without being stopped only if they do not disturb others and can ensure their own safety.

Japan， the neighbor of China also values the independence of children. When children are little， their parents often inspire thinking into them： do not make troubles for others. When Japanese children go to class or travel with their family， they will carry a bag with their own luggage inside and take care of their own belongings. Such things should all be done by their own， and teachers and parents only give some guidance aside. Even after they go to school， some students need to make money by part-time jobs in their spare time. Being different from the western education philosophy of interaction between parents and children， the Japanese teaching method of cultivating independent personality also makes great contribution to Japan’s becoming one of the major powers in the world.

瑞典人對孩子的拘束更少，他們不會用大人的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來對孩子的創(chuàng)造力進(jìn)行評價。他們認(rèn)為，嚴(yán)厲要求兒童，無條件服從的教育只會使孩子產(chǎn)生壓抑和自卑感，讓他們?nèi)狈ψ灾餍院蛣?chuàng)造性。而創(chuàng)造力遠(yuǎn)比死讀書和考試分?jǐn)?shù)更重要。瑞典人還認(rèn)為，孩子首先是社會的，其次才是家庭的，家長對孩子的管教不能侵犯孩子的權(quán)利。他們對孩子自主性的尊重體現(xiàn)在許多方面。除了從小就培養(yǎng)孩子的獨(dú)立生活能力外，瑞典人很注意培養(yǎng)孩子的自主意識，決不把大人的意志強(qiáng)加給孩子，很少對孩子進(jìn)行道德說教。在不妨礙他人和保證自身安全的前提下，兒童做任何事都不會被制止。

中國的鄰居日本，同樣也強(qiáng)調(diào)培養(yǎng)孩子的獨(dú)立人格，父母在孩子很小的時候就給他們灌輸一種思想：不要給別人添麻煩。日本的孩子上課或者全家人外出旅行的時候，都會背一個小包，里面裝著自己的物品，自己的東西要自己負(fù)責(zé)看管，諸如此類的很多事情都需要孩子自己去做，家長和老師只是在一旁略加指導(dǎo)。即使上學(xué)后，許多學(xué)生仍然利用課余時間去打工掙錢。雖然和西方的親子互動式教育理念有些差別，但培養(yǎng)獨(dú)立人格的教育方式也確實(shí)為日本躋身世界大國起到重要作用。