寬容媽媽

佚名+等

As I sat perched in the second-floor window of our brick schoolhouse that afternoon， my heart began to sink further with each passing car. This was a day Id looked forward to for weeks： Miss Paces fourth-grade， end-of-the-year party. Miss Pace had kept a running countdown on the blackboard all that week， and our class of nine-year-olds had bordered on insurrection by the time the much-anticipated “party Friday” had arrived.

I had happily volunteered my mother when Miss Pace requested cookie volunteers. Moms chocolate chips reigned supreme on our block， and I knew theyd be a hit with my classmates. But two oclock passed， and there was no sign of her. Most of the other mothers had already come and gone， dropping off their offerings of punch and crackers， chips， cupcakes and brownies. My mother was missing in action.

“Dont worry， Robbie， shell be along soon，” Miss Pace said as I gazed forlornly down at the street. I looked at the wall clock just in time to see its black minute hand shift to half-past.

Around me， the noisy party raged on， but I wouldnt budge from my window watch post. Miss Pace did her best to coax me away， but I stayed put， holding out hope that the familiar family car would round the corner， carrying my rightfully embarrassed mother with a tin of her famous cookies tucked under her arm.

The three oclock bell soon jolted me from my thoughts and I dejectedly grabbed my book bag from my desk and shuffled out the door for home.

On the four-block walk to our house， I plotted my revenge. I would slam the front door upon entering， refuse to return her hug when she rushed over to me， and vow never to speak to her again.

The house was empty when I arrived and I looked for a note on the refrigerator that might explain my mothers absence， but found none. My chin quivered with a mixture of heartbreak and rage. For the first time in my life， my mother had let me down.

I was lying face-down on my bed upstairs when I heard her come through the front door.

“Robbie，” she called out a bit urgently. “Where are you？”

I could then hear her darting frantically from room to room， wondering where I could be. I remained silent. In a moment， she mounted the steps—the sounds of her footsteps quickening as she ascended the staircase.

When she entered my room and sat beside me on my bed， I didnt move but instead stared blankly into my pillow， refusing to acknowledge her presence.endprint

“Im so sorry， honey，” she said. “I just forgot. I got busy and forgot—plain and simple.”

I still didnt move. “Dont forgive her，” I told myself. “She humiliated you. She forgot you. Make her pay.”

Then my mother did something completely unexpected. She began to laugh. I could feel her shudder as the laughter shook her. It began quietly at first and then increased in its velocity and volume.

I was incredulous. How could she laugh at a time like this？ I rolled over and faced her， ready to let her see the rage and disappointment in my eyes.

But my mother wasnt laughing at all. She was crying. “Im so sorry，” she sobbed softly. “I let you down. I let my little boy down.”

She sank down on the bed and began to weep like a little girl. I was dumbstruck. I had never seen my mother cry. To my understanding， mothers werent supposed to. I wondered if this was how I looked to her when I cried.

I desperately tried to recall her own soothing words from times past when Id skinned knees or stubbed toes， times when she knew just the right thing to say. But in that moment of tearful plight， words of profundity abandoned me like a worn-out shoe.

“Its okay， Mom，” I stammered as I reached out and gently stroked her hair. “We didnt even need those cookies. There was plenty of stuff to eat. Dont cry. Its all right. Really.”

My words， as inadequate as they sounded to me， prompted my mother to sit up. She wiped her eyes， and a slight smile began to crease her tear-stained cheeks. I smiled back awkwardly， and she pulled me to her.

We didnt say another word. We just held each other in a long， silent embrace. When we came to the point where I would usually pull away， I decided that， this time， I could hold on， perhaps， just a little bit longer.

那天下午，我坐在學(xué)校磚樓二樓的窗臺(tái)上，看著一輛輛經(jīng)過(guò)的汽車，心不斷地往下沉。裴老師帶的四年級(jí)班的年終派對(duì)將在那天舉行，我已經(jīng)盼了好幾個(gè)星期了。那個(gè)星期，裴老師還在黑板上弄了個(gè)倒計(jì)時(shí)牌。當(dāng)這個(gè)令人望穿秋水的“派對(duì)星期五”到來(lái)的時(shí)候，我們這班九歲大的孩子興奮得像炸開了鍋。

在裴老師征召志愿者提供小甜餅的時(shí)候，我很開心地推薦了我母親。母親做的巧克力片在我們那個(gè)街區(qū)是最好吃的。我知道它們肯定會(huì)在同學(xué)們中大受歡迎?？墒莾牲c(diǎn)都過(guò)了，她還沒(méi)有出現(xiàn)。其他同學(xué)的母親大都已來(lái)過(guò)了，帶來(lái)了她們做的飲料、餅干、薯?xiàng)l、紙杯蛋糕，還有堅(jiān)果巧克力蛋糕。我的母親卻還不見蹤影。

“別著急，羅比，她很快就會(huì)來(lái)的?！碑?dāng)我孤苦無(wú)望地盯著下面的大街時(shí)，裴老師對(duì)我說(shuō)。我看了看墻上的鐘，它黑色的指針顯示是兩點(diǎn)半。

在我的周圍，喧鬧的派對(duì)正進(jìn)行得如火如荼，而我卻不愿從窗口這個(gè)觀察點(diǎn)挪動(dòng)半步。裴老師用盡辦法對(duì)我好言相勸，我還是一動(dòng)不動(dòng)，不死心地期待著家里那輛熟悉的汽車轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)街角，載著我那應(yīng)該感到難為情的母親，懷里抱著一罐她那出名的小甜餅。

三點(diǎn)的鐘聲把我從思緒中驚醒，我沮喪地從課桌上抓過(guò)書包，拖著步子出了門往家走。

學(xué)校離家只有四個(gè)街區(qū)，在路上我就計(jì)劃好了怎么報(bào)復(fù)。我要一進(jìn)門就砰地把門關(guān)上，媽媽迎向我的時(shí)候不要和她擁抱，并發(fā)誓再也不跟她說(shuō)話了。

當(dāng)我回到家，屋子里空無(wú)一人。我到冰箱上找有沒(méi)有她留下的便條，她也許會(huì)解釋沒(méi)去的原因，可那兒什么也沒(méi)有。失望和憤怒一同襲來(lái)，我氣得下巴直抖。生平第一次，母親讓我失望了。

我上樓去，在自己的床上趴著。這時(shí)樓下傳來(lái)她進(jìn)門的聲音。

“羅比。”她略顯焦急地喚我，“你在哪？”

我能聽到她像著魔了一樣逐個(gè)房間找我。我仍舊一聲不吭。很快，她上樓了，腳步聲越來(lái)越快。

她進(jìn)到我的房間，挨著我在床上坐著。我茫然地盯著枕頭一動(dòng)不動(dòng)，當(dāng)她不存在。

“對(duì)不起，寶貝。”她說(shuō)，“我忘掉了，我一忙就忘掉了，就是這樣?！?/p>

我還是沒(méi)動(dòng)?！皠e原諒她。”我告訴自己，“她讓你丟臉了，她把你給忘記了，要給她點(diǎn)懲罰。”

接下來(lái)母親做了一件我怎么也想不到的事。她開始笑，我感覺得到她笑得渾身顫動(dòng)。開始還悄無(wú)聲息，接著越來(lái)越急促，越來(lái)越大聲。

我簡(jiǎn)直不敢相信，這個(gè)時(shí)候她還笑得出來(lái)？我翻過(guò)身，面朝著她，準(zhǔn)備讓她看到我眼睛里的憤怒和失望。

但母親根本沒(méi)有笑，她是在哭?！皩?duì)不起，”她輕輕地抽泣著，“我讓你失望了，我讓我的小家伙失望了。”

她癱倒在床上，開始像個(gè)小女孩一樣地哭泣。我目瞪口呆。我從沒(méi)見母親哭過(guò)。在我眼里，母親是不會(huì)哭的。我想，我哭的時(shí)候在她眼里是不是也是這個(gè)樣子。

我拼命回想過(guò)去當(dāng)我蹭破膝蓋、碰傷腳趾時(shí)她對(duì)我說(shuō)的安慰話，那種時(shí)候她總是知道該說(shuō)什么?？墒窃谶@個(gè)淚眼婆娑的時(shí)刻，我實(shí)在太沒(méi)用，找不到一句情深意濃的話語(yǔ)。

“好了，媽媽?！蔽疑爝^(guò)手去輕輕撫摸她的頭發(fā)，結(jié)結(jié)巴巴地說(shuō)，“我們其實(shí)根本不需要那些小甜餅，那里有好多吃的東西。別哭了，沒(méi)事，真的?！?/p>

我的話盡管自己聽來(lái)都覺得蒼白無(wú)力，卻讓母親坐了起來(lái)。她擦了擦雙眼，一絲微笑在她滿是淚痕的臉上綻開。我也不好意思地笑了笑，然后她就把我拉到懷里。

我們?cè)贈(zèng)]有說(shuō)話，只是默默地?fù)肀Я撕芫煤芫?。通常我們擁抱一?huì)兒就會(huì)分開，但這次，我決定，也許，我會(huì)多堅(jiān)持那么一會(huì)兒。endprint