我被幸運困住了

By+John+Samony

When it happened， I was in the middle of my lucky rabbit's foot1） phase. The fake rabbit's foot on a keychain was supposed to bring me luck.

Parents go through phases， too， the way kids do. Some try cooking exotic foods， learning musical instruments， or gardening. Mine were in their art-collecting phase when I mentioned that the mantle2） above the fireplace looked a little bare.

My parents agreed.

A few days later， we found ourselves at an auction at the art gallery downtown. It was like a museum， except smaller and everything was for sale.

My mom said， "Let us know if anything catches your eye."

I walked around the place. Nothing really caught my eye， except a sign that said Snack Bar—Upstairs.

I climbed the steps to the mezzanine3） where the snacks and drinks had been set up. I grabbed a small plate and piled on some carrot sticks， cherry tomatoes， chips， and onion dip4）. I leaned on the railing5） and ate， peering down at the people wandering around the gallery floor. I soon realized I had severe onion breath.

As I pulled a pack of mints6） from my pocket， I accidentally pulled out my rabbit's foot keychain as well.

Before I realized what was happening， the rabbit's foot was falling over the railing toward a small purple-and-yellow vase decorated with squiggly7） lines. I worried that it might hit the vase and knock it off its pedestal8）. As I was picturing the vase shattering all over the floor， the keychain dropped neatly inside.

I let out a breath.

For a second， I thought about leaving the rabbit's foot where it was—a little bonus prize for the person who bought the vase. But since it was my current fad9）， and without it I'd feel unlucky， I ran down the stairs to stage10） a rescue.

I looked around. No one had seen anything， and no one was watching me. I turned the vase upside down and shook it gently. Nothing. It reminded me of the way quarters sometimes get trapped inside my piggy bank. The rabbit's foot was probably lodged11） at a strange angle. I tried again. Nothing.

I rolled up my sleeve and dipped my hand into the vase as if I were fishing12） one of my mom's earrings out of the kitchen-sink drain （which I do more often than you might think）.

Grabbing a bit of fake fur by two fingers， I pulled my hand back up. Well， I tried to pull my hand back up.

I stole another look around the room. The crowd was too busy gazing at art to gaze at me.endprint

I tried again to pull out my hand. It was stuck.

I was standing in the middle of an art gallery with my hand inside an expensive vase. Maybe the stress and embarrassment had made my hand swell.

I didn't like what I heard next.

"Ladies and gentlemen， let's now begin the auction for these fine pieces of artistry and craftsmanship."

I was hoping the auctioneer would start with the paintings at the far wall near the entrance.

"Let's begin with the items on the floor. Our first piece is a vase in the Art Nouveau13） style."

Uh-oh.

Everyone was walking toward me. Including my parents. I stood still and closed my eyes.

Then the auctioneer stopped talking. It got quiet. I opened my eyes to see the entire room staring at me.

"What are you doing？" my dad asked.

Nothing was going to sound more unbelievable than the truth. "My hand is stuck."

"Oh， Mark！" my mom cried.

The crowd gasped14）.

"I'm OK，" I said.

My dad leaned in close and whispered in the auctioneer's ear.

The auctioneer nodded and spoke. "Since it appears this vase also comes with a red-faced young man， are there any objections to letting his parents purchase the piece at a reasonable price？"

I heard some laughs at the idea of a bidding war breaking out for a vase with me attached， but luckily no one bid.

"Sold to the parents of the， uh， lucky young man！"

When we got home and I was more relaxed， my dad dripped in some vegetable oil and I was able to slide my hand out.

The vase actually looks good on the mantle over our fireplace. At one point， I figured my rabbit's foot wasn't so lucky. But then I realized： it could have fallen into a vase that didn't match our wallpaper！

事情發(fā)生的時候，我正處在迷戀幸運兔腳的階段，認為一條鑰匙鏈上的假兔腳就能給我?guī)砗眠\。

父母也會像孩子們那樣經(jīng)歷各種階段。有的父母會去嘗試烹飪異國菜肴、學習樂器或是侍花弄草。在我提出壁爐上方的臺子看起來有些空時，我爸媽正處在收藏藝術(shù)品的階段。

我爸媽認同了我的看法。

幾天以后，我們?nèi)⒓恿耸袇^(qū)藝術(shù)畫廊的一個拍賣會。那里就像一個博物館，只不過地盤要小一些，而且所有物品均可出售。

媽媽說：“你要是看中了什么東西，就告訴我們?！?/p>

我在這個地方轉(zhuǎn)來轉(zhuǎn)去，沒有什么真正能讓我看上的東西，除了一塊寫著“小吃吧——樓上請”的標示牌。

我順著樓梯爬上了夾層樓，里面已經(jīng)擺好了一些小吃和飲料。我抓起一個小碟子，然后把一些胡蘿卜條、圣女果、薯條和洋蔥醬堆在碟子里。我倚在欄桿上，邊吃邊盯著在樓下展廳里走動的人們。很快，我就發(fā)現(xiàn)自己滿口洋蔥味。

我從口袋里掏出一包薄荷糖時，不小心把我的兔腳鑰匙鏈也帶了出來。

還沒等我反應過來發(fā)生了什么事情，我的幸運兔腳就從欄桿上方掉了下去，墜向一個紫黃相間、點綴著波浪線的小花瓶。我很擔心它會砸到花瓶，使花瓶從底座上掉下來。就在我想象著那只花瓶碎了一地的情景時，鑰匙鏈不偏不倚地掉進了花瓶里。

我松了一口氣。

有那么一小會兒，我想就讓那只兔腳留在花瓶里好了——算是送給花瓶買主的小驚喜。但因為它是我目前的最愛，沒有它我會覺得不吉利，我還是跑下樓準備把它“救”出來。

我環(huán)顧四周，發(fā)現(xiàn)沒人看到我這邊的狀況，也沒人盯著我。我把花瓶倒過來，輕輕地晃了晃。什么都沒掉出來。這讓我想到有時候硬幣卡在我的小豬存錢罐里的情形。我的幸運兔腳有可能以一個奇怪的角度卡在花瓶里面了。我又試著晃了晃，還是什么都沒有掉出來。endprint

我卷起袖子，把手伸進花瓶里，就像我從廚房水池的排水管里摸索著幫媽媽找她的一只耳環(huán)一樣（這事兒我常干，比你可能想象得到的次數(shù)還要多）。

我兩根手指夾著一點假兔毛，把手往出拔。好吧，我是試圖把手拔出來。

我又偷偷地朝四周瞅了一眼。所有人都在忙著看藝術(shù)品，沒人看我。

我又試著拔出手，但手被卡住了。

我站在一家藝術(shù)畫廊的中央，手被卡在了一只昂貴的花瓶里。也許是因為壓力和尷尬，我的手變腫了。

我一點都不喜歡接下來聽到的話。

“女士們，先生們，現(xiàn)在讓我們開始拍賣這些精美的藝術(shù)作品和手工藝品吧。”

我希望拍賣師從遠處靠近入口的墻上掛著的那些畫開始拍賣。

“我們從放在地上的作品開始吧。我們的第一件拍賣品是一只具有新藝術(shù)風格的花瓶?！?/p>

慘了。

所有人都向我走來，包括我爸媽。我站在那里一動不動，閉上了眼睛。

隨即，拍賣師不說話了。展廳里一下子靜了下來。我睜開眼睛，看到展廳里的所有人都在盯著我。

“你在干什么？”爸爸問。

沒有什么比實情聽起來更令人難以置信了?！拔业氖直豢ㄗ×??！?/p>

“噢，馬克！”媽媽叫道。

眾人都倒抽了一口氣。

“我沒事。”我說。

爸爸側(cè)身靠近拍賣師，在他耳邊低語了幾句。

拍賣師點點頭，說：“既然現(xiàn)在看來這個花瓶還附贈一位滿臉通紅的年輕人，有人反對讓他的父母以合理的價格買下這件拍賣品嗎？”

我聽到一些人在笑，為一只附贈了我的花瓶進行喊價這個念頭逗樂了他們。但幸運的是，沒有人出價。

“那就賣給這位，呃，幸運年輕人的父母啦！”

等我們回到家，而我也放松了許多時，爸爸往花瓶里滴了幾滴植物油，我的手這才可以抽出來。

事實上，這個花瓶擺在我家壁爐上方的平臺上看起來真不錯。我曾一度認為我的兔腳并沒那么幸運，但轉(zhuǎn)念又想：它本來還可以掉進一個與我們家的墻紙完全不搭的花瓶里的！

1. rabbit's foot： 兔腳。在一些西方國家的文化中，兔腳是一種護身符，被認為可以帶來好運。

2. mantle [?m?ntl] n.【冶】（高爐的）環(huán)殼。這里指壁爐上方的平臺。

3. mezzanine [?mez?ni?n] n. 夾樓，夾層樓面（指兩層樓之間的樓面，尤指一樓和二樓之間的樓面）

4. dip [d?p] n. 沙司，蘸醬；vt. 把（手等）伸入

5. railing [?re?l??] n. 欄桿

6. mint [m?nt] n. 薄荷糖

7. squiggly [?skw?ɡli] adj. 呈波形曲線的

8. pedestal [?ped?stl] n. （花瓶等的）座墩

9. fad [f?d] n. （一時的）狂熱

10. stage [ste?d?] vt. 籌劃，謀劃

11. lodge [l?d?] vt. 把……嵌入

12. fish [f??] vt. 摸找，搜尋

13. Art Nouveau： <法>新藝術(shù)，約1890～1910年間流行于歐洲和美國的一種裝飾藝術(shù)風格，以曲折有致的線條為特色，主要體現(xiàn)于建筑、室內(nèi)裝飾和插圖藝術(shù)。

14. gasp [ɡɑ?sp] vi. 倒抽氣

譯 / 李笑endprint