科幻小說中的五大雞肋發(fā)明

Remember all those Star Trek gadgets you wished you had because they looked so cool? Well, it turns out looking cool is about all theyd be good for.

Heres five inventions that will be available some day... even if nobody wants them.

還記得在《星際迷航》里那些讓你想要擁有的看起來酷斃了的小玩意兒嗎？呃，實(shí)際上，它們也就是看起來酷，僅此而已。

這里有五個(gè)在將來會(huì)得到應(yīng)用的發(fā)明……盡管沒有人想用它們。

第五名：飛行汽車

As seen in:

Blade Runner, The Fifth Element, Back to the Future II, Futurama, The Jetsons... its actually kind of difficult to list sci-fi that doesnt feature some variation of the flying car.

Why we thought we wanted them:

First, we dont mean some kind of sissy half-plane, half-car hybrid that some people will try to tell you is a flying car. No, we mean real, float off the ground, how the crap is that happening, Jetsons sort of flying cars.

Of course, once you learned to drive, you wanted one even more. Every time youre stuck in traffic, you can picture yourself flipping a switch and swooping into the sky, leaving those honking fools behind. Youd fly straight to work, free as a bird.

Why we were wrong:

Well, guess what: They will not let you do that. People just flying wherever they want would be a death warrant for every radio tower and power line in the country.

曾出現(xiàn)在：

《銀翼殺手》《第五元素》《回到未來II》《飛出個(gè)未來》《杰森一家》……實(shí)際上，從某種程度上講，很難能列出來一個(gè)單子，說科幻小說里沒有出現(xiàn)飛行汽車的。

我們?yōu)槭裁聪胍?/p>

首先，有人會(huì)把那種不倫不類的又像飛機(jī)、又像汽車的混合動(dòng)力車叫作飛行汽車。不，我們說的是真正能離開地面飄在空中的那種——就是《杰森一家》里那種，那簡直可以說是個(gè)垃圾玩意兒。

當(dāng)然，一旦你學(xué)會(huì)了開車，你會(huì)迫不及待地想要一輛飛行汽車。每次你被堵在路上的時(shí)候，腦子里就會(huì)浮現(xiàn)出一個(gè)畫面：你按了一個(gè)按鈕，然后你的車就一下子飛上了天，把那些還在死命按喇叭的倒霉蛋兒們遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)地甩在了后面。而你像一只自由的小鳥，直飛向工作地。

我們?yōu)槭裁村e(cuò)了：

呃，試想一下：他們不會(huì)讓你那樣做。人們飛著去他們想去的任何地方，這會(huì)讓每個(gè)收音天線塔和國家的輸電線處在一擊致命的危險(xiǎn)中。

第四名：飛行背包

As seen in:

The Jetsons (again), The Rocketeer, James Bond used one in Thunderball, Boba Fett in Star Wars... too many to count. If youve never heard about and/or purchased a toy featuring a jet pack, you are from the 1800s.

Why we thought we wanted them:

Because every single human wants the ability to fly, pretty much from birth. Were talking about the ability to fly, not ride in a thing that flies.

Why we were wrong:

Were going to skip past the obvious point that the Rocketeer here would be left with charred stumps below the thigh, since that exhaust is coming out at around 2,000 degrees.

Modern jet packs just use tanks of compressed gas that basically fart you into the air. If that sounds lame, youre right. The prototypes they have now let you fly a whole 30 seconds.

曾出現(xiàn)在：

《杰森一家》（又來了），《火箭人》，詹姆斯邦德在《雷霆萬鈞》里也用過一次, 星球大戰(zhàn)里的Boba Fett... 數(shù)不勝數(shù)。要是你從來沒有聽說過它，或者沒有買過一個(gè)帶著飛行背包的玩具，那你肯定是從19世紀(jì)來的。

我們?yōu)槭裁聪胍?/p>

因?yàn)槊總€(gè)人從生下來就都渴望能夠飛翔。我們說的是具有飛翔的能力，而不是說坐在一個(gè)能飛的東西里。

我們?yōu)槭裁村e(cuò)了：

我們先不說最明顯的一點(diǎn)，即那個(gè)火箭人的大腿會(huì)被烤得像截?zé)沟臉錁?，因?yàn)榛鸺臍饬鲿?huì)以大約2000度的高溫噴出來。

現(xiàn)在的飛行背包用的是裝著壓縮天然氣的罐子，基本上只能把你“噴”離地面。如果那聽起來很衰的話，正是如此?，F(xiàn)在研究出來的原型機(jī)只能讓你飛整整30秒。

第三名：全息甲板

As seen in:

Most people would know the holodeck as being an invention out of the Star Trek series, but they probably took the idea from a Ray Bradbury short story called The Veldt where a family has a holodeck that simulates an African veldt, and then are (predictably) eaten by virtual lions.

Why we thought we wanted it:

The holodeck is just big room, that can simulate any number of environments and/or experiences for the user, and can trick all five senses into believing that its real. You dont have to hook anything up to your brain, and you can walk in and out of it like any room.

Why we were wrong:

Of course, we here at Cracked were too busy practicing Jujitsu and working on our dragsters to watch something as geeky as Star Trek, but we do know that the dangers of a holodeck were demonstrated in Episode 234. This episode proved that if you get shot by a cowboy in the holodeck world, you really die.

曾出現(xiàn)在：

大多數(shù)人對(duì)全息甲板的了解，可能以為它是來自《星際迷航》系列的一個(gè)發(fā)明。但是，他們很可能是從雷·布萊伯利寫的一個(gè)叫《大草原》的短篇小說里得到這個(gè)想法的。在這部小說里，一家人有一個(gè)全息甲板，能模擬非洲的大草原，然后他們（很可能）被虛擬的獅子給吃掉了。

我們?yōu)槭裁聪胍?/p>

全息甲板只是一個(gè)能模擬任意數(shù)量環(huán)境的大屋子，也能模擬進(jìn)去的人的感覺，從而欺騙人的五感，讓人以為是處在真實(shí)的世界。你不用在你的大腦上連接什么東西，你也可以像進(jìn)出任何屋子一樣進(jìn)出全息甲板。

我們?yōu)槭裁村e(cuò)了：

當(dāng)然，就像我們瘋也似的忙著練柔道和改裝汽車一樣，我們瘋狂地看著像《星際迷航》這樣令人生厭的東西。但我們知道，全息甲板的危險(xiǎn)性出現(xiàn)在第234集里。這集告訴我們，如果你在全息甲板的世界里被一個(gè)牛仔射殺了，那你也就真的死了。

第二名：遠(yuǎn)程傳送

As seen in:

Star Trek, The Fly, countless video games.

Why we thought we wanted it:

Heres a technology thatd make the flying car and the jet pack both look like that retarded Flintstones car you drive with your feet. Were talking instant transport to anywhere, any time. You can live on the beach in Hawaii and live in New York. Sit there in the morning and sip coffee until about five seconds before the meeting is set to start, then step into your transport—there you are, in the conference room.

Why we were wrong:

Many later science fiction writers have declared that a device that can disassemble and reassemble a human molecule-by-molecule would be patently unsafe (the most famous and grotesque portrayal of a teleporter accident came, of course, in the film Spaceballs). But, even if they get the bugs worked out, there is a much larger and much weirder issue.

A teleporter wouldnt actually break down your atoms and then shoot those same atoms thousands of miles through the air; even if it were possible, thered be no reason to do it. It would instead just grab Hydrogen and Oxygen atoms from out of the air and assemble you out of those (one Hydrogen atom is the same as another, after all).

曾出現(xiàn)在：

《星際迷航》，《變蠅人》，還有數(shù)不清的電子游戲里。

我們?yōu)槭裁聪胍?/p>

有一種技術(shù)，能讓飛車和飛行背包都看起來像呆呆的《摩登原始人》里，你用腳來開的那種車一樣傻。我們說的是瞬間傳送東西到任何時(shí)間、任何地點(diǎn)的技術(shù)。你可以住在夏威夷的海灘上，也可以住在紐約。在開會(huì)前五秒鐘，你還可以坐在早晨的海灘上品著咖啡，然后你起身走進(jìn)你的傳送機(jī)——你就到會(huì)議室了。

我們?yōu)槭裁村e(cuò)了：

后來的許多科幻小說家都聲明說，那種可以一個(gè)分子一個(gè)分子地拆分、組合人體的設(shè)備，很明顯是不安全的（史上最著名和怪異的失敗的傳送，出現(xiàn)在電影《太空炮彈》里）。但是，盡管他們補(bǔ)上了漏洞，還是有一個(gè)更大的、更離奇的問題。

一臺(tái)傳送機(jī)不會(huì)真的拆分你到原子然后把那些原子發(fā)射到幾千里外；即使這是可能的，也沒有理由去那樣做。取而代之的是，只要在空氣里抓一把氫和氧的原子，然后把它們組裝起來，就是你了（畢竟氫原子們總是一模一樣的）。

第一名：物質(zhì)復(fù)制機(jī)

As seen in:

Again, Star Trek

Why we thought we wanted it:

Youre hungry, and you dont really feel like cooking or even going out to get something. Well no need to starve! This machine will replicate virtually any food that you can think of. Or, at least a series of foods that have previously been programmed into the machine.

Not just food, either. Anything. Need new batteries for your remote? Replicator. New pair of shoes? No problem. Forget your girlfriends birthday? Punch a button on the replicator and itll spit out a pair of flawless diamond earrings.

Why we were wrong:

Since its just assembling molecules, presumably it would be cheaper for this thing to make you a pair of diamond earrings than a hot dog, since fewer molecules and less energy would be required. It could print perfect counterfeit money. Hell, punch a button, and itll crank out a molecule-for-molecule replica of The Mona Lisa.

The bad news is, of course, it would eliminate your job. Your job, and all your friends jobs, and, well, almost everyone elses. No need for farms or factories or stores. The only people whod still be working are doctors and the people who make replicators. Oh, wait, you can just have a huge replicator that makes replicators.

曾出現(xiàn)在：

還是《星際迷航》

我們?yōu)槭裁聪胍?/p>

你餓了，可你很不想做飯，甚至不想出去買吃的。你不會(huì)餓死的！這臺(tái)機(jī)器基本上可以復(fù)制出任何你想吃的東西。或者，至少是那些被預(yù)先編到機(jī)器程序里的食物。

還不止是吃的東西，而是任何東西。遙控器該換新電池了？復(fù)制。想要雙新鞋？沒問題。把女朋友的生日忘了？按機(jī)器上的一個(gè)鈕，一對(duì)完美無瑕的鉆石耳環(huán)就從機(jī)器里出來了。

我們?yōu)槭裁村e(cuò)了：

既然只是分子的組裝，那么可以推出，用這個(gè)機(jī)器做一對(duì)鉆石耳環(huán)會(huì)比做一只熱狗便宜，因?yàn)樽銮罢哂玫姆肿雍湍芰扛?。它還能造出完美的假幣。更絕的是，只要按一下鈕，它就會(huì)做出一幅一個(gè)分子一個(gè)分子復(fù)制的《蒙娜麗莎》。

當(dāng)然，壞消息是，這顯然會(huì)讓你失業(yè)。你的工作、你所有朋友的工作，還有幾乎每個(gè)人的工作都會(huì)丟掉。我們?cè)僖膊恍枰裁崔r(nóng)場(chǎng)或者工廠或者商店了。唯一在工作的人們，就是醫(yī)生和那些做復(fù)制機(jī)的人。呃，等等，你可以只做一個(gè)巨大的復(fù)制機(jī)，專門復(fù)制復(fù)制機(jī)。