發(fā)如雪，微醺的歲月

by Darnell L. Moore

I recently stopped by my supervisors office to wish him a good night. As I talked， he gazed intently upon my head until he finally 1）blurted，“Oh my God， is that a gray hair？”

And an extensive 2）mesmerizing gray 3）strand， it was. In fact， this particular histrionic gray 4）sprouted so high that it seemed to be 5）vying for everyones attention.

Before I had a chance to finish my weak and overly wrought explanation about the gray hair signifying wisdom， my boss pulled out a pair of scissors and asked permission to chop off the gray. I let him—despite my 6）sermonizing in defense of the old—and was made a bit younger， at least until the grays that 7）audaciously sprout out of the crown of my head returned.

近日，我經(jīng)過主管辦公室時(shí)，順道進(jìn)去和他道聲晚安。就在我說話時(shí)，他聚精會神地盯著我的頭，然后脫口而出：“天吶，那是白發(fā)嗎？”

這是一大綹引人注目的白發(fā)。實(shí)際上，這一綹特別具有戲劇性的白頭發(fā)還長得那么高，就像是在吸引所有人的注意一樣。

我還沒來得及說完那無力而夸張的解釋——白頭發(fā)象征著智慧——我的老板便拿出一把剪刀，問我是否可以將這綹白發(fā)剪掉。雖然我搬出套話為衰老辯護(hù)，但還是讓他剪了，之后的我看起來年輕了少許，至少在那綹白發(fā)再次在頭頂上肆無忌憚地長出來之前是如此。

On another occasion， I tried to pull out each gray strand in my beard one at a time. It was painful， literally and 8）figuratively. Pulling out ones hair strand by strand is a process that is not for the weak at heart—or 9）cuticle. It hurts.

To make it worse， I continued to pull but the gray strands， which seem to be tougher than the black strands that fall out with ease frequently， refused to loosen their attachment to my chin. I lost. Yet， I also was pained by the fact that I could not fully embrace my gray hairs and， therefore， my aging self. I was so resistant to looking like an “old man” that I was willing to 10）subject myself to the 11）stinging sensation of forceful hair removal to appear younger.

Over the past few years， I have really wanted to 12）hack my gray hairs one by one， but they are 13）unyielding. They refuse to be disappeared. Indeed， the most ambitious of the grays desire endless acknowledgment.

I have heartlessly pulled out one hair only to 14）contend with the five daring strands that return with 15）ferocity several weeks later in memory of the fallen. And I have finally resolved that I cannot win the fight against the relentless grays. Whenever I look in the mirror at my once fully-black beard， which is now 16）salt-and-pepper， I throw up my hands and clippers in defeat.

還有一次，我嘗試一根一根地將白胡子拔掉。非常疼，身心如是。一綹一綹地把頭發(fā)拔掉對于擁有軟弱的心——或者是表皮的人來說，是不可行的，十分疼痛。

而且更糟的是，我繼續(xù)拔掉一綹綹的白胡子，但是白胡子比那些經(jīng)常脫落的黑胡子頑固很多，它們拒絕脫離我的下巴。我輸了。但是，我還是為自己不能夠完全接受白發(fā)——也就是變老——這個(gè)事實(shí)感到痛苦。我對看起來像“老人”這件事抗拒到竟然甘愿讓自己遭受拔掉白發(fā)這種強(qiáng)烈的疼痛，以便讓自己看起來顯得年輕。

在過去的幾年里，我真的很想一根一根拔掉我的白發(fā)，但是它們不屈不饒。它們不愿意就此消失。其實(shí)，野心勃勃的白發(fā)想要無窮無盡的認(rèn)可。

我冷酷地拔出一根白發(fā)，只是為了和那幾個(gè)星期之后來勢洶洶的五綹大膽的白發(fā)做抗?fàn)帲源肆魝€(gè)紀(jì)念。我最后明白自己不可能戰(zhàn)勝這些冷酷無情的白發(fā)。我照鏡子時(shí)，看見自己曾經(jīng)的黑色胡子，現(xiàn)在已滿是斑白，我就妥協(xié)地?fù)P手扔開鉗子了。

Like powerful divinities， grays remind us of our 17）impermanence. They are cues that we are getting “old，” which is a descriptor used by the young to signal that which is no longer 18）en 19）vogue. In other words， pack your bags and prepare for transcendence. Certainly， I thought the same when I was young and gray-less. So， now when the young read my beard as a sign of my ascension into the realm of the ancient， I am reminded of my own attraction to youthfulness and fear of the inevitable， namely， aging.

At 36， I now contend with the reality that I cannot beat mortalitys mark by using a simple hair colorant or clippers. It is a fight that I will not win even though I often feel pressured to defend against aging whenever I am reminded of its grip.

Both stories illuminate the tension that exists in my life. I am getting older and am learning to embrace that fact， but I am also aware of that which increasing age brings.

My skin is not as tight and smooth as it once was. I have bags under my eyes. I no longer feel current and hot in some night clubs. My once trim stomach that never required a 20）gazillion 21）crunches in order for others to see my 22）abs is now a grown mans gut. Birthday invitations now require a certain sense of humor when composing because they need to be convincing enough to encourage friends whove attended 15-20 parties in the past to show up， again， this time around. It is no longer awkward for me to purchase eye cream along with my vitamin enriched agedefying skin 23）moisturizer. And the grays（like age）， well， they will not be stopped. And thats the point.

像強(qiáng)大的神靈般，白發(fā)提示我們?nèi)瞬⒎情L生不老。它們是我們變“老”的提示，是年輕人用來描述一切過時(shí)之物的標(biāo)志。換句話說，打點(diǎn)行裝準(zhǔn)備超越吧。當(dāng)然，我年輕又少白發(fā)的時(shí)候也是這么想的。所以，現(xiàn)在那些年輕人認(rèn)為我的胡子是我“榮登”老年階層的標(biāo)志，我則想起了自己對于年輕的迷戀，對必然老去的恐懼。

我36歲，現(xiàn)在也明白了，通過一支簡單的染色劑或者鉗子是無法跟凡人衰老定律抗衡的。每當(dāng)年老緊追不舍時(shí)，我也時(shí)常覺得有必要負(fù)隅頑抗，即便如此，這終究是一場我無法勝出的戰(zhàn)斗。

兩個(gè)事例就說明了存在于我生活中的焦慮。我正在漸漸變老，而且也不得不學(xué)會接受事實(shí)，但是我也意識到了隨之而來的變化。

我的皮膚不如以前緊致和光滑了。我開始有眼袋了。在夜店不再覺得自如和激動了。以前我從來不需要做無數(shù)仰臥起坐來練就腹肌示人，而現(xiàn)在腹肌早變成中年男的肚子了。發(fā)出生日邀約時(shí)需要一定的幽默感，朋友們過去都參加過你的15到20次生日派對了，要他們今年再來，得花點(diǎn)心思。去買眼霜和富含維生素抗老化護(hù)膚液時(shí)，我不再感到尷尬了。那些白發(fā)（就像年紀(jì)），嗯，是無法阻止的。這就是問題關(guān)鍵。

Each of us， regardless of our numerical age， is aging daily. Whether we are 17， 37 or 77， we get older every day. We also move closer toward death. As unpleasant as it sounds， it is a truth that I am learning to embrace particularly within a western society that 24）proliferates the fiction of perpetual youthfulness over the reality of our mortality. We arent gods after all.

I have failed at ridding my beard of the gray whiskers. I officially raise the white flag of surrender.

I refuse to spend the rest of my days 25）waging war against the inevitable. I am getting older daily， and I am also alive to enjoy the process.

I can now proclaim proudly： the grays win. And so do we all when we give up our fight to remain forever young and grayless.

我們每個(gè)人，無論我們年齡多少，都在一天天變老。無論我們是17、37還是77歲，我們每天都在變老。我們也在漸漸靠近死亡。這和聽起來的那樣令人不快，這是我正慢慢學(xué)著去接受的事實(shí)，特別是在倡導(dǎo)永遠(yuǎn)青春而不愿認(rèn)老的西方社會中，不老的觀念被廣泛轉(zhuǎn)播。畢竟我們不是神。

我沒有成功擺脫白胡子的困擾。我正式地舉起了投降的白旗。

我拒絕把我的余生都花在和無可避免的自然規(guī)律抗?fàn)幹?。我每天都在變老，而且我享受著這個(gè)過程。

我現(xiàn)在驕傲地宣布：白發(fā)獲勝。而當(dāng)我們放棄永葆青春、永無白發(fā)的觀念之時(shí)，我們也將同樣獲得勝利。