圖畫類高分作文分析與訓(xùn)練

蒲長(zhǎng)娥

《2013年普通高等學(xué)校招生全國(guó)統(tǒng)一考試（江蘇卷）說(shuō)明》（下文統(tǒng)一簡(jiǎn)稱為《考試說(shuō)明》）英語(yǔ)科在書面表達(dá)部分給出了兩個(gè)示例，一個(gè)是表格式，另一個(gè)是圖畫式?！犊荚囌f(shuō)明》對(duì)看圖作文作了這樣的說(shuō)明：

看圖作文的“圖”不局限于某一類型的圖，如漫畫、廣告畫，也包括其他圖畫、照片等情景材料?？忌鷤兛筛鶕?jù)情景圖示的寓意、內(nèi)容或情節(jié)線索，傳遞信息和表達(dá)自己的思想。作文應(yīng)覆蓋提示的要點(diǎn)，但避免僅根據(jù)提示文字做簡(jiǎn)單翻譯。

本文依據(jù)《考試說(shuō)明》，以高考參考范文為語(yǔ)料，分析圖畫類高分作文的必備要素，并仿照高考圖畫類作文的命題形式，原創(chuàng)三篇作文訓(xùn)練材料，供模擬訓(xùn)練和提高。

一、 高考范文分析

先看《考試說(shuō)明》中提供的作文示例2（2011年江蘇卷作文），要求如下：

下面這幅照片展現(xiàn)了女兒為回家媽媽拿包的情景。請(qǐng)根據(jù)你對(duì)這幅照片的理解用英語(yǔ)寫一篇短文。你的短文應(yīng)包含以下內(nèi)容：

1. 描述照片內(nèi)容，如情景、人物、動(dòng)作，等等；

2. 結(jié)合自身實(shí)際，談?wù)勀愕母邢耄?/p>

3. 舉例說(shuō)明你能為家長(zhǎng)減負(fù)做些什么。

注意：

1. 可參照?qǐng)D中文字及下面文章開頭所給提示，作必要的發(fā)揮想象。

2. 詞數(shù)150左右。開頭已經(jīng)寫好，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)。

3. 作文中不得提及考生所在學(xué)校和本人姓名。

The burden of students has been a hot topic for years， but the load of parents has received little attention， especially from their own children.

下面是一篇第五檔（21～25分）參考范文：

The burden of students has been a hot topic for years， but the load of parents has received little attention， especially from their own children.

The picture shows us a touching moment when a little girl comes to greet her working mom. Realizing her mom must be very tired after a days work， the girl helps to remove the bag from her shoulder. In response， the mom kneels down to show how happy and thankful she feels.

All this reminds me of my mother who has been doing whatever she could do to let me have the best. But， totally engaged in my study， I seldom pay attention to what mother needs and feels， and always think studying well is the only thing I could do in return. Now I know I can do my bit to help with the everyday washing， bedroom cleaning， and at least prepare breakfast myself， so as to share mothers daily burden. The picture convinces me it is even more important to be a good daughter than a “good” student.

本參考范文完成了試題規(guī)定的任務(wù)，且符合第五檔作文的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。具體分析可知，圖畫類高分作文必須具備三個(gè)要素。

1. 完成了試題規(guī)定的任務(wù)，覆蓋所有要點(diǎn)。

本篇作文有三個(gè)任務(wù)。第一個(gè)任務(wù)是描述照片內(nèi)容。第二段準(zhǔn)確、精煉地概括了照片的人物（a little girl and her mum）、情景（a touching moment when a little girl comes to greet her working mom）、動(dòng)作（remove the bag from her shoulder； kneels down to show how happy and thankful she feels），并指出了“女兒幫媽媽拿包為家長(zhǎng)減負(fù)”的主題。

描述照片內(nèi)容時(shí)要注意兩個(gè)方面。首先是要注意提煉和概括，切忌浮于表面，或者寫一些和主題無(wú)關(guān)內(nèi)容。比如，第二檔參考范文中的“We can see a girl and her mother”僅僅局限于表層描述；第三檔參考范文中的“The child was so young”和主題無(wú)關(guān)。另外要做到點(diǎn)明圖畫主題或者寓意，不能停留在描述我們看到了什么。

第二個(gè)任務(wù)是結(jié)合自身實(shí)際談感想。這體現(xiàn)在范文的第三段開頭部分：“這讓我想起了我的媽媽，她為了讓我擁有最好的條件，一直以來(lái)竭盡所能，而我完全忙于學(xué)習(xí)，很少關(guān)心她的需要和感受，總認(rèn)為只有學(xué)習(xí)好才能回報(bào)媽媽?！比缓缶o接著切入第三個(gè)任務(wù)，文章從作者自己的角度出發(fā)，通過從日常小事做起來(lái)分擔(dān)媽媽的負(fù)擔(dān)，具體涉及幫助媽媽刷鍋洗碗、打掃臥室、自己做早餐等。

我們結(jié)合實(shí)際談感受時(shí)要寫出存在的不足，這樣順理成章地寫出自己在日常生活中的做法，增強(qiáng)文章邏輯的連貫性。在寫自身應(yīng)該怎么做的時(shí)候要注意做法具體化、不空泛。例如，第二檔參考范文中“I can do many things to help my parents”便是泛泛而談。

2. 應(yīng)用了較多語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和高級(jí)詞匯。

這篇第五檔參考范文中使用了三個(gè)定語(yǔ)從句，七個(gè)賓語(yǔ)從句，現(xiàn)在分詞和過去分詞做狀語(yǔ)各有一處，動(dòng)詞不定式做狀語(yǔ)、賓語(yǔ)、主語(yǔ)共七處。還使用了“remove，in response，engaged”等高級(jí)詞匯，提升了文章的語(yǔ)言檔次。值得一提的是，因?yàn)楸M力使用較復(fù)雜結(jié)構(gòu)或較高級(jí)詞匯所致的些許錯(cuò)誤，在第五檔次作文中是可以接受的。

3. 有效地使用了語(yǔ)句間的連接成分，使全文結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊。

最后一段中的 “but， and”很簡(jiǎn)潔自然地表達(dá)了語(yǔ)義的轉(zhuǎn)折和并列關(guān)系，“now”是一個(gè)表示時(shí)序的副詞，引出目前的具體做法，使得文脈水到渠成，文章結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊。

以上三個(gè)要素切合高考第五檔高分作文的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，達(dá)到了預(yù)期的寫作目的。

二、模擬訓(xùn)練與參考范文

【模擬一】

男女生應(yīng)該文明交往，交往不當(dāng)會(huì)導(dǎo)致早戀，影響學(xué)業(yè)。右面這幅漫畫展現(xiàn)了控制男女生交往過密的情景。請(qǐng)根據(jù)你對(duì)這幅圖片的理解，用英語(yǔ)寫一篇短文。

你的短文應(yīng)包含以下內(nèi)容：

1. 描述圖片內(nèi)容，如情景、寓意等；

2. 結(jié)合身邊實(shí)際，談?wù)劥艘?guī)定的利弊；

3. 舉例說(shuō)明你自己平時(shí)如何做。

注意：

1. 可參照?qǐng)D中文字及下面文章開頭所給提示，作必要的發(fā)揮想象。

2. 詞數(shù)150左右。開頭首段已寫好，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)。

3. 作文中不得提及有關(guān)考生個(gè)人身份的任何信息，如校名和人名等。

4. 可能用到的生詞：resist 抵制； maintain 保持； gender 性別；puppy love 早戀

An increasing number of students fall in love at an early age and create problems with their studies， which has aroused the schools attention.

One possible version：

An increasing number of students fall in love at an early age and create problems with their studies， which has aroused the schools attention. What is vividly shown in the cartoon is that a school has set a distance for civilized communication between boy and girl students with the purpose of preventing students falling in love at an early age. Boys and girls are forced to maintain a distance of at least 50 centimeters when they communicate in public.

In our daily school life some students cant resist the opposite genders attraction，which disturbs themselves. With such a school rule carried out， they may control themselves and realize the harm of abnormal communication. Meanwhile， however， its not good for their emotional development and normal relationship.

Personally， I hold a right attitude towards communication with different genders. Ill get on well with my classmates no matter whether they are boys or girls， but keeping a certain personal distance is extremely necessary. Its of great importance for me to bury myself in my school work before I regret only because of my puppy love.

【模擬二】

一年一度的學(xué)雷鋒月即將到來(lái)，右面這幅漫畫展現(xiàn)了學(xué)雷鋒活動(dòng)得不到落實(shí)的情景。請(qǐng)根據(jù)你對(duì)這幅漫畫的理解用英語(yǔ)寫一篇短文。

你的短文應(yīng)包含以下內(nèi)容：

1. 描述漫畫內(nèi)容，如情景、人物、動(dòng)作，等等；

2. 結(jié)合自身實(shí)際，談?wù)勀愕母邢耄?/p>

3. 舉例說(shuō)明在學(xué)雷鋒活動(dòng)中你應(yīng)該做些什么。

注意：

1. 詞數(shù)150左右。開頭已經(jīng)寫好，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)。

2. 作文中不得提及考生所在學(xué)校和本人姓名。

The annual day of learning from Comrade Lei Feng is around the corner. However， not all the people are willing to carry it out.

One possible version：

The annual day of learning from Comrade Lei Feng is around the corner. However， not all the people are willing to carry it out. As is vividly shown in the cartoon， a lady with a baby in her arm has to stand on a bus， with two men passengers remaining in their seats， neither of whom is willing to offer a seat to her. What shames us most is that one of them is reading the stories of Lei Feng.

All this reminds me of what I do in my daily life. While Im called on to learn from Lei Feng every March， sometimes I dont concern about those who need help. As a matter of fact， Lei Feng Spirit should be put into practice in the daily routine.

Personally， I can do my bit to practise Lei Feng Spirit by means of helping my classmates with English and participating in some volunteer activities， or at least cheering up the depressed with inspiring words. The cartoon warns me against learning from Lei Feng in word. Lets take action！

【模擬三】

下面這幅圖片展現(xiàn)了贈(zèng)人玫瑰的情景。請(qǐng)根據(jù)你對(duì)這幅圖片的理解，用英語(yǔ)寫一篇短文。你的短文應(yīng)包含以下內(nèi)容：

1. 描述圖片內(nèi)容，如情景、寓意等；

2. 結(jié)合自身體會(huì)，談?wù)剮椭脑蚝秃锰帲?/p>

3. 舉例說(shuō)明你自己平時(shí)如何幫助別人。

注意：

1. 可參照?qǐng)D中文字及下面文章開頭所給提示，作必要的發(fā)揮想象。

2. 詞數(shù)150左右。開頭已經(jīng)寫好，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)。

3. 作文中不得提及有關(guān)考生個(gè)人身份的任何信息，如校名和人名等。

Whether to help others is an issue concerning everyone. Some people hold the view that helping others will cause trouble to us unexpectedly，

One possible version：

Whether to help others is an issue concerning everyone. Some people hold the view that helping others will cause trouble to us unexpectedly， while others think it a traditional virtue to aid others.

As is illustrated in the picture， roses given， fragrance in hand， which means helping others is beneficial both to others and to ourselves. Its a pity that people are becoming more and more indifferent to each other. We should help others because everyone needs help no matter what he does. If we lend a helping hand to others， we will be offered help when we have difficulty. Whats more， we will feel happy because of our kindness. Thats to say， helping others is helping us and we can take pleasure in offering help， which contributes to building a harmonious society.

Therefore， dont hesitate to help others. How can we help others？Personally， Im supposed to be concerned about those whore in trouble. I can work as a volunteer， a donator or even as a good listener. Sometimes my encouraging words could make a difference.

圖畫傳遞信息豐富，表達(dá)主題凝練，也給我們?cè)黾恿藢忣}和寫作的難度。我們?cè)趯忣}時(shí)把圖畫和文字要求結(jié)合起來(lái)，不可偏廢任何一個(gè)，這樣才能尋找到主題的線索，把握要點(diǎn)。

《考試說(shuō)明》中提供的兩種作文示例暗示我們，高考英語(yǔ)作文的題型有表格式和圖畫式。2012年高考江蘇卷選用了表格式，如果根據(jù)高考試卷“穩(wěn)中有變”的思想，我們可不可以做出這樣的猜想：2013年選用圖畫類作文的可能性更大一些。