硬核解讀，深度續(xù)寫

廣東 彭明芳

【問題導(dǎo)讀】

讀后續(xù)寫是一種考查閱讀與書面表達(dá)的新型寫作形式，可以從兩個(gè)層面來解讀其意義。首先，從字面層面來解讀。讀后續(xù)寫，顧名思義就是先讀后寫，只有對(duì)所給文本內(nèi)容和結(jié)構(gòu)脈絡(luò)有充分的了解，才有合理續(xù)寫的可能性。其次，從內(nèi)涵層面來解讀。續(xù)寫是在深度閱讀文本后，根據(jù)原文的語篇情境和邏輯發(fā)展，進(jìn)行“模仿原文語言，創(chuàng)作后續(xù)內(nèi)容”的寫作模式。簡(jiǎn)言之，閱讀是續(xù)寫的起點(diǎn)，讀的深度直接決定寫的準(zhǔn)確度和高度。那么，在寫作過程中如何做到深度續(xù)寫呢？

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

1.側(cè)重內(nèi)容情節(jié)的解讀。讀后續(xù)寫的體裁一般為記敘文或者敘議結(jié)合的文章。這要求在閱讀過程中利用閱讀技巧把握原文的主旨大意和基本要素，即利用略讀的方法迅速瀏覽文章，緊抓文章的主旨大意，再進(jìn)行精讀，梳理關(guān)鍵信息，弄清楚文章的題材、中心人物、故事情節(jié)、發(fā)展線索、主旨大意等，即解答5W1H（who、what、when、where、why和how）的問題，并緊扣所給的兩個(gè)段首句進(jìn)行續(xù)寫。

2.側(cè)重主題意義的解讀。讀后續(xù)寫的故事情節(jié)一般分為兩條線：明線，即故事的開端、發(fā)展、高潮和結(jié)局；暗線，即故事中人物的情感線。通過對(duì)文章明線的探究過渡到情感層面的破譯，領(lǐng)悟原文作者的寫作態(tài)度和思想情感，把握文章的感情基調(diào)，在續(xù)寫的結(jié)尾進(jìn)行總結(jié)回扣，呼應(yīng)原文主題。

3.側(cè)重語言風(fēng)格的解讀。從語言層面感知語篇的語言形式與特點(diǎn)，揣摩原文是如何運(yùn)用準(zhǔn)確又豐富的詞匯（動(dòng)詞、形容詞、副詞、介詞短語為主）、修辭、句式等進(jìn)行人物的動(dòng)作、情感、心理等細(xì)節(jié)描寫的，并通過生動(dòng)的描寫走進(jìn)人物的內(nèi)心世界，感受故事情境，續(xù)寫的語言風(fēng)格盡量與原文保持一致。

4.側(cè)重邏輯結(jié)構(gòu)和寫作技能的解讀。從結(jié)構(gòu)、話題、佳句賞析等維度對(duì)所給文本進(jìn)行解讀、模仿和創(chuàng)作，并將美文、佳句、銜接關(guān)聯(lián)詞進(jìn)行系統(tǒng)分類，建立微型語料庫(kù)，積累寫作素材。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

On the weekend,the Thomas family gathered for a meal at their home.They were so happy because the family time was deserved to be cherished.However,because of Tom's performance in school,his father blamed him.Tom was so angry that he ran down to the basement to be alone after dinner.His mother took the three-month-old sister to play in the living room.And Tom's father,John,was in the garage to fix his car.

Around 8 pm,Tom was so disappointed as his father hadn't come to find him yet,so he decided to check on his dad.He walked through the kitchen.When he opened the door to the garage,black smoke rose up into the kitchen.He could barely make out his father lying on the floor,trapped under the car.Seeing this,he was so scared that he couldn't move an inch.But just in a few seconds,he knew that he needed to remove his father from the car.He'd removed the front passenger-side tyre and raised the car on a jack(千斤頂).

However,his father couldn't be removed.Immediately,Tom ran to the front of the car and struggled to lift it.But he failed.Tom was so regretful and nervous with tears rolling down his face.His father was conscious and knew exactly what Tom thought,so he encouraged Tom.“You got it! One more try!”He tried again and was able to lift the car just enough for him to pull his dad by the shirt with both hands from under the car.

Tom's father tried to stand up,but in vain.Seeing this,Tom dragged him across the garage and 15 feet down the driveway.His father said anxiously,“Go to check the garage.”Then he ran back to the garage,which had burst into flames.“I was afraid the car was going to explode,”thought Tom.So he dashed into the car,which faced forward,turned the key,and pressed the gas pedal(油門).The car solely rolled out,the metal wheel scratching loudly against the concrete.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Safely on the driveway,Tom stopped the car and quickly ran back to the house.___

Paragraph 2

A few minutes later,firefighters and an ambulance arrived._____________-

文本解讀

一、原文的語篇要素

二、原文的情節(jié)脈絡(luò)

三、原文的巧妙用詞

1.Immediately,Tom ran to the front of the car and struggled to lift it.湯姆馬上跑到車的前面，拼命把它抬起來。

immediately 表現(xiàn)了湯姆在緊張的情況下，勇敢地救出父親；struggled 傳神地表達(dá)了湯姆為了抬起車的努力。

2.The car solely rolled out,the metal wheel scratching loudly against the concrete.汽車開走了，金屬車輪在混凝土上發(fā)出響亮的摩擦聲。

這個(gè)句子細(xì)致地刻畫了汽車開走的場(chǎng)景。rolled out 和scratching 傳神地表現(xiàn)了汽車迅速開走的情形，也間接地表現(xiàn)了湯姆想讓家人遠(yuǎn)離危險(xiǎn)的義無反顧。

四、原文的多維描寫

文章多處通過情感、心理和動(dòng)作描寫刻畫人物形象、交代背景知識(shí)和表現(xiàn)人物的內(nèi)心活動(dòng)，讓讀者身臨其境。例如：

1.Around 8 pm,Tom was so disappointed as his father didn't come to find him yet.晚上8點(diǎn)左右，湯姆非常失望，因?yàn)樗母赣H還沒有來找他。

此處通過細(xì)節(jié)描寫傳神地表達(dá)了湯姆對(duì)父親還沒有來找他的失望之情。

2.Seeing this,he was so scared that he couldn't move an inch.看到這些，他非常害怕，以至于不敢移動(dòng)一步。

此處通過細(xì)節(jié)描寫展示了湯姆當(dāng)時(shí)的驚訝、害怕和不知所措。

3.Tom was so regretful and nervous with tears rolling down his face.湯姆既后悔又緊張，眼淚從臉上滾落下來。

此處通過細(xì)節(jié)描寫和with的復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)，體現(xiàn)了湯姆當(dāng)時(shí)很后悔沒有跟父親一起，很緊張自己沒有幫到父親，體現(xiàn)了他對(duì)父親的愛。

4.His father said anxiously,“Go to check the garage.”他的父親焦慮地說：“去檢查一下車庫(kù)?！?/p>

此處通過細(xì)節(jié)描寫和語言描寫表達(dá)了父親對(duì)家人的緊張和愛，盡管自己受傷，但怕家里著火，擔(dān)心家里的妻子和孩子。

5.So he dashed into the car,which faced forward,turned the key,and pressed the gas pedal.于是他沖進(jìn)車?yán)?，車朝前，轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)車鑰匙，踩下油門。

三個(gè)連續(xù)的動(dòng)作一氣呵成，體現(xiàn)了湯姆十分果敢，絕不能讓車子爆炸傷害到家人。

五、續(xù)寫故事設(shè)計(jì)與語言運(yùn)用

續(xù)寫第一段段首句中出現(xiàn)了quickly 和ran back，據(jù)此，我們可以推測(cè)本段要重點(diǎn)描寫湯姆在回家之后做了什么、與家人的對(duì)話，以及他們的心理活動(dòng)，在情節(jié)發(fā)展和語言風(fēng)格上都應(yīng)與原文保持一致。因此，結(jié)合原文故事情節(jié)發(fā)展和兩個(gè)段首句，湯姆回家做的事情是told the family—saved the family—called 911，動(dòng)作描寫為yelled—saved—called。與家人的對(duì)話內(nèi)容肯定是簡(jiǎn)短、迅速的表達(dá)，以及家人如何回應(yīng)。因此，湯姆的心理狀態(tài)肯定是焦慮、緊張的，同時(shí)他也很果敢；而媽媽的反應(yīng)一開始肯定是害怕，接著應(yīng)該是勇敢地逃出家門，所以續(xù)寫第一段的結(jié)尾部分在情節(jié)和情感上可以設(shè)置為“Though feeling so nervous,Tom picked up a water pipe and sprayed the fire while calling 911.”，以自然流暢地銜接續(xù)寫第二段段首句“A few minutes later,firefighters and an ambulance arrived.”。

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段段首句和文章的整個(gè)基調(diào)，我們可以推測(cè)這個(gè)故事應(yīng)該是happy ending。那么，消防員來了肯定迅速撲滅了大火。根據(jù)前文，父親受傷了，所以肯定要送父親去醫(yī)院。整個(gè)過程中，湯姆表現(xiàn)得如此果敢，大家是怎么評(píng)價(jià)的呢？房子燒毀了一部分，接下來他們住在什么地方呢？基于以上信息和問題，續(xù)寫情節(jié)可設(shè)計(jì)為The fire was put out—Tom's father was sent to the hospital—The family was helped—Tom was praised，同時(shí)緊扣原文主題：青少年應(yīng)該愛家人、果敢、有擔(dān)當(dāng)。

【參考范文】

Paragraph 1:

Safely on the driveway,Tom stopped the car and quickly ran back to the house.“There's a fire!Mom,where are you?”he yelled.His mother responded loudly,“We are in the living room.”Tom quickly ran to the living room,picked up his three-month-old sister and ran out.His mother followed him anxiously.Finally,they rushed out of the house,feeling relieved.Outside,Tom handed the baby to his mom,looking at the burning garage.Though feeling so nervous,Tom picked up a water pipe and sprayed the fire while calling 911.

Paragraph 2:

A few minutes later,firefighters and an ambulance arrived.The fire was put out.They were checked by the doctor.They had no injuries except that his dad had injuries on his legs,and he was sent to the hospital immediately.But the garage and the house were damaged.Luckily,the neighbors came to help them,inviting them to live in their house.Tom was praised by them because of his bravery and calmness.They said,“Tom is a remarkable kid.”Tom,however,simply said,“I was saving my family and my house.It is my responsibility.I love them!”

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。

My father's T-shirt

As a teenager,I am not mature enough.I got angry quite easily and was not good at communicating with others.I had quarrels with my friends,and I was not polite to elders.Because of my bad behavior,I was sometimes punished by my father.However,it took me a long time to learn to control my temper and take the responsibility to make up for my mistakes.

I still remember it was an early autumn.Some leaves started to turn yellow and the weather became cool.One day,as I was getting ready for school,my mother carelessly handed me my father's T-shirt instead of mine.At that time,I was getting to have a larger size than my father,so when I put on the T-shirt,I felt as if I wasn't able to breathe!Soon,I realized that it was a small mistake which was made by my mother,but somehow（不知怎么地）the breathless feeling was so strong that it made me very angry.I could feel my anger growing,bubbling up inside myself.I shouted at her,“Why did you give me the wrong T-shirt?”My mother said sorry with a smile,but I continued to shout at her without thinking much.I got it off my body so wildly,making a hole in it and threw it on the floor.Then I put on my own T-shirt and rushed out of the house before my mother could stop me.

At that time,I didn't consider what my mother was feeling.I just thought about myself.So after school,when I got home,I felt so regretful but I didn't say a word to my mom.Feeling so frustrated,my mother shared her bad feeling with my father who was just after work from office,“See what your son has done.”I was so scared that maybe my father would punish me.But unexpectedly,instead of saying he would scold（責(zé)備）or beat me,my father quietly asked my mother to mend the T-shirt.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Seeing my father's response,I felt more ashamed of my bad behavior.________

Paragraph 2:

On that day,I decided not to let anger control me any longer.___________

【評(píng)價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1.請(qǐng)歸納本文描寫細(xì)節(jié)的詞匯或句子。

2.文章使用了哪些修辭手法？

3.對(duì)比你的文章和范文，它們有哪些異同？