在憤怒控制你之前控制憤怒

We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it, whether as fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.

我們都知道什么是憤怒,我們都能感覺到它,不論是短暫惱怒或者是全面爆發(fā)的狂怒。

Anger is a completely normal, and usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems: problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.

憤怒是絕對正常的、健康的人類情感。但是,當它失去控制就極具破壞性,可能導致很多問題:工作問題、人際關系問題,進而影響整個生活質(zhì)量。它讓你覺得在不可以預測的強大情感面前無能為力。

What is Anger? 憤怒是什么?

Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, and so does the level of your energy hormones, adrenalin and noradrenalin.

憤怒是一種情緒狀態(tài),據(jù)強度不同,分為輕微的惱怒、強烈的憤怒和盛怒。和其他情感一樣,它伴隨著生理變化:當你生氣時,心率和血壓上升,能量激素、腎上腺素和去甲腎上腺素也隨著上升。

Anger can be caused by external or internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

內(nèi)外因都能引起憤怒。你可能會對特定的人(如同事或上司)或事件(交通堵塞,航班取消)感到憤怒,也可能是由于擔心或考慮個人問題而憤怒。創(chuàng)痛的記憶,或使人憤怒的事件也會引發(fā)憤怒情緒。

Expressing Anger表達憤怒

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors that allow us to fight and defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

表達憤怒的本能、自然的方式是反擊。憤怒是對威脅的一種自然、適應性反應,它激發(fā)了強大的、往往是挑釁的情感和行為,使我們在能夠?qū)雇{并保護自己。因此,一定量的憤怒,對我們的生存是必不可少的。

On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us. Laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far we should let our anger take us. People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming.

另一方面,我們不能對每個讓我們憤怒的人或事件都予以反擊。法律、社會規(guī)范和常識都會限制憤怒的程度。人們使用各種各樣有意或無意的意識來應對憤怒的情緒,三個主要的辦法就是發(fā)泄、抑制和平息。

Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive - not aggressive - manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

用自信果敢的舉動——而不是挑釁的舉動來表達憤怒——是最健康的。要做到這一點,你必須學會如何明確自己的需求,以及如何在不傷害他人的情況下滿足這些需求。自信果敢并不意味著出風頭或苛求,它意味著尊重自己和他人。

Another approach is to suppress anger and then convert or redirect it. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive to do instead. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if your anger isn't allowed outward expression, it can turn inward - on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

另一種壓制憤怒的辦法是,讓它轉(zhuǎn)化或轉(zhuǎn)變方向。當你忍住怒氣、停止思考、集中精力在一些正面的事情上就可以達到這樣的效果。這樣做的目的是抑制或制止憤怒,并把它轉(zhuǎn)換成更積極的行為。這種反應類型的危險是,如果你的憤怒沒有對外發(fā)泄,它就轉(zhuǎn)向了內(nèi)部的自己。而憤怒對內(nèi)轉(zhuǎn)向可能導致高血壓,或抑郁癥。

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on), or a perpetually cynical and hostile attitude. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to express their anger constructively. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.

未發(fā)泄出來的憤怒會引起其他問題。導致病態(tài)的形式表達憤怒,如消極的挑釁行為(不正面反抗,間接報復別人,并且不告訴別人原因),或永遠(對人或事)持憤世嫉俗和敵視的態(tài)度。那些經(jīng)常奚落別人,批評一切,發(fā)表憤世嫉俗言論的人還沒有學會如何積極表達自己的憤怒。難怪他們沒有良好的人際關系。

Finally, you can calm yourself down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

最后,你可以讓自己內(nèi)心平靜下來。這不僅僅意味著你控制了外在行為,而且還控制了內(nèi)部反應。采取措施來降低心率,讓自己平靜下來,讓憤怒平息。

Anger Management憤怒管理

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of or avoid the things or people that enrage you, nor can you change them; but you can learn to control your reactions.

憤怒管理的目標是減少由憤怒引起的情緒波動和生理反應。你無法擺脫或避免激怒你的事情和人,也無法改變他們,但可以學習控制自己的反應。

Are You Too Angry? 你過于憤怒?

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

憤怒情緒的強度、憤怒的傾向性、以及你對憤怒處理得好不好都可以用心理測試來衡量。當你控制憤怒出現(xiàn)問題時,自己很有可能已經(jīng)清楚這一點。如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)自己處理憤怒的方式似乎失去了控制,變得可怕,你可能需要幫助,尋找更好的方式來應對這種情緒。

Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others? 為什么有些人比別人更憤怒?

Some people are really more 'hotheaded' than others; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

有些人確實比別人更“性急”;他們比一般人更容易動怒,程度更強烈。還有一些人則不會大聲表現(xiàn)出憤怒,卻長期易怒且脾氣暴躁的人。容易憤怒的人并不總是罵罵咧咧、扔東西,他們會回避社交、生悶氣或生病。

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, when they are corrected for a minor mistake.

大體上來說,容易憤怒的人都有心理學家稱為“挫折耐受力低”的問題,簡單來說他們認為自己不應該遇到挫折、麻煩或煩憂。他們不能從容處理事情。當局勢有點不公平時,他們就特別氣憤。例如,當他們被迫糾正一個小錯誤時,(他們就會有這種反應)。

What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological; there is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be how we're taught to deal with anger. Anger is often regarded as negative; many of us are taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions, but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.

是什么導致人們這樣的?原因很多。其中一個可能是遺傳或生理原因;有事實表明,一些兒童天生就暴躁、敏感、易怒,這些跡象在孩子幼小時就顯現(xiàn)出來了。另一個原因可能是我們被教導的處理憤怒的方式。憤怒往往被視為消極的情感。人們教育我們說,我們有權(quán)表達焦慮、抑郁、或其他情緒,但不能憤怒。因此,我們并不了解如何積極地處理或引導它。

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communication.

研究還發(fā)現(xiàn),家庭背景在個人處理憤怒的問題上騎著某種作用。易怒的人通常來自不和睦的、混亂的且不善于情感交流的家庭。

Is It Good to 'Let It All Hang Out'? “讓所有憤怒發(fā)泄出來”好嗎?

Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that 'letting it rip' with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.

目前,心理學家認為這是個危險的神話。有些人用這種理論作為傷害別人的通行證。研究發(fā)現(xiàn),讓憤怒“順其自然”實際上會加劇憤怒和挑釁,并且對你(或你生氣的對象)解決事態(tài)一點幫助都沒有。

It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then develop strategies to keep those triggers from toppling you over the edge.

最好的方法是找出是什么觸發(fā)你的憤怒,然后制訂戰(zhàn)略,防止這些導火索把你推向憤怒的邊緣。

Do You Need Counseling? 你需要咨詢嗎?

If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behaviors.

如果你覺得自己對憤怒真的是失去了控制,如果它對你的人際關系和生活有很大影響的話,你可以考慮咨詢,以了解如何更好地應對它。一名心理學家或其他有從業(yè)資格的心理健康專家可以與你一起尋找一系列技巧來改變你的想法和行為。

When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to help you 'get in touch with your feelings and express them' .That may be precisely your problem.

當你和潛在治療師交談時,告訴他或她自己在控制憤怒方面哪些問題需要解決,并向他或她詢問調(diào)整情緒的辦法。確保這樣的行為不僅旨在幫助你“了解并發(fā)泄自己的感情”,這可能恰好是你的問題所在。

With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the counseling techniques used.

心理學家說,暴怒者通過咨詢,在8到10周的治療之后,可以把憤怒降低到中等程度,當然,這視情況和咨詢技術而定。

Thanks to Charles Spielberger, Ph.D., of the University of South Florida in Tampa; and to Jerry Deffenbacher, Ph.D., of Colorado State University in Ft. Collins, Colorado, a psychologist who specializes in anger management.

感謝南福羅里達州大學的哲學博士查爾斯?斯皮爾伯格;感謝擅長憤怒管理的科羅拉多州立大學的哲學博士杰瑞?蒂菲尼拜切。

Notes:

1.feel as though

意思是“好像,似乎”。

例句:My head feels as though it will split.

我的頭疼得仿佛要裂開似的。

2.getting back at

意思是“報復”。

He was really annoyed, so he wants to get back at the officer.

他極其憤怒,想報復那個長官。

3. chances are good

指某事有很大幾率發(fā)生,即很有可能發(fā)生。

例句:Chances are good that some of the advice friends and family gave you about avoiding or dealing with the flu was wrong..

朋友和家庭給你的預防應對流感的建議很有可能是錯誤的。

4. take… in (ones)stride

意思是“輕而易舉地應付,輕松地勝任”。

例句:The examination is not difficult; any average pupil should be able to take it in his stride.

考試并不難,任何一個中等水平的學生都應該毫不費力地對付得了。

5.letting it rip

字面意思是讓它成熟吧,引申為“不要擔心;別理會后果;聽其自然”。

例句:You neednt do anything to change the situation, just let it rip.

你不需要做任何事情來改變情形,順其自然吧。