Ｆｕｎｎｙ Ｔａｌｋｓ

A

Lady: Don’t be afraid of the dog. You know the old proverb，“A barking dog never bites.”(諺語:吠犬不咬人。)

Sam: You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does your dog know the proverb?

B

Diner: Bring me some soup and make sure a fly isn’t in it. Yesterday there was a fly in my soup.

Waiter: Oh that can’t happen today， sir， because our special(特色菜)is frogs’(蛙)legs.

Diner: What’s today’s special have to do with a fly in my soup?

Waiter: Before the chef(廚師)cooked the frogs， they ate every fly in the place.

C

Traveler: Can I catch the three o’clock train to Paris?

Ticket agent(代售人): That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteenminutes ago.

D

Teacher(to pupil who is an hour late): Tommy!You should have been(本應(yīng)該)here an hour ago.

Tommy: Why? What happened?

E

Teacher: If I gave you two apples and told you to give one to your brother， would you give him the little one or the big one?

Bad: Do you mean my little brother or my big brother?

F

Jeff: Today， on the school bus， a little boy fell off his seat， and everybody laughed except me.

Teacher: Who was the little boy?

Jeff: Me.

G

Grandpa Smith: My left leg is killing(使痛苦)me.

Mr Bufford: It must be old age.

Grandpa: Can’t be. My right leg is just as old as my left one， and it doesn’t hurt a bit.

H

Woodward: Do you make up(虛構(gòu))these jokes yourself?

Woodhead: Yes， out of my head.

Woodward: You must be.

注:out of ①出于，從……里面;②缺乏，沒有。

I

Nurse: There’s a man outside with a wooden leg named Smity.

Doctor: What’s the name of his other leg?

J

Danny: Did the doctor treat you yesterday?

Sammy: No， he charged(收費)me twenty dollars.

注:treat有兩個含義:①治病;②招待。

K

Patient: Doctor， if a person’s brain stops working， does he die?

Doctor: How can you ask such a stupid question!You’re alive， aren’t you?

L

Davy: This dog of mine is a police dog.

Dana: He doesn’t look like a police dog.

Davy: I know， he is in the secret service(諜報或特工部門).

M

Lady: My pet(寵物)is sick. Can you recommend(推薦、介紹)a good animal doctor?

Nurse: I’m sorry， lady， all of the doctors I know are people.

注:對animal doctor可有兩種理解:①動物醫(yī)生，②給動物治病的醫(yī)生即獸醫(yī)。

N

Mother: Tommy!Tommy!Why don’t you answer me?

Tommy: I did. I shook my head.

Mother: Well， you didn’t expect me to hear it rattle(發(fā)出格格聲;喋喋不休)all the way in the next room， did you?