學(xué)生習(xí)作點(diǎn)評(píng)集錦

尹繼友

在寫作中，往往聽到一些關(guān)于句子好或壞的評(píng)論，那么好句子到底有什么標(biāo)準(zhǔn)呢?下面先就把一個(gè)好句子的五個(gè)基本原則介紹一下，希望能夠幫你在寫作中寫出優(yōu)美的句子來。

1.完整

完整是好句子的第一要點(diǎn)。

一個(gè)完整的句子表達(dá)單一的完整的意思。它不包含并不緊密相關(guān)的意思，也不表達(dá)本身不完整的意思。

2.連貫

連貫是指句子各部分之間清楚而合理的聯(lián)系。句子中的詞語和部分應(yīng)恰當(dāng)?shù)劂暯樱鼈冎g的關(guān)系應(yīng)十分清楚。不連貫的句子通常有以下幾種毛?。浩叫薪Y(jié)構(gòu)有缺點(diǎn)，代詞指代不清楚，修飾語和被修飾語的關(guān)系不明確，在人稱、數(shù)、語態(tài)、時(shí)態(tài)或語氣上有混亂之處。

3.簡潔

句中不應(yīng)有任何不必要的詞。只要意思充分 地表達(dá)了，用詞越少越好。用詞過多只會(huì)使意思模糊不清，而不是更加明晰。人們常常用不必要的詞，所以最好在寫完一篇文章之后，仔細(xì)檢查一兩遍，看看有沒有一些詞可以刪去而又不影響意思的表達(dá)。

4.強(qiáng)調(diào)

凡是重要的意思都應(yīng)在表達(dá)時(shí)予以強(qiáng)調(diào)。為此說話時(shí)人們可用各種方法，如提高聲音、放慢語速、使用短句或加上手勢(shì)。寫文章時(shí)，也可以使用倒裝、感嘆、重復(fù)、反問等方法對(duì)應(yīng)該強(qiáng)調(diào)的詞語和句子加重語氣。

5.多樣

句型的多樣化，對(duì)好的文章來說是必不可少的。好幾句長短相同、結(jié)構(gòu)相似的句子連在一起，如又用同一個(gè)名詞或代詞作主語，必然會(huì)顯得很單調(diào)。為多樣化起見，短句和長句，簡單句、并列句和復(fù)合句，圓周句和松散句都應(yīng)錯(cuò)雜使用。也可偶爾用一個(gè)問句、祈使句或感嘆句。但是不要只是為了多樣化而頻頻變換句型。句子的結(jié)構(gòu)和長度首先要由所要表達(dá)的思想來決定。只有恰當(dāng)?shù)乇磉_(dá)思想時(shí)多樣化才可取。

一、學(xué)生習(xí)作評(píng)改

1.習(xí)作要求

林宏的筆友李莉今年夏天將來滬旅游。林宏去信表示歡迎，并準(zhǔn)備去機(jī)場(chǎng)迎接。還告訴她上海有不少值得游玩的地方，他將陪同參觀旅游。(用書信體寫)

2.學(xué)生習(xí)作

Dear Lily，

I am very glad that you will have a trip (1) to Shanghai this summer.I cannot wait to meet you at the airport and show you around Shanghai.

As we all know，Shanghai is the biggest city in China.Especially(2) in these recent years，many great changes have taken place in Shanghai.She is a sea of which absorbs different cultures and customs ，but has developed her own very unique identity.

Jinmao Tower is one of most Shanghans well-known symbols.You really cannot (3) miss the chance to visit it.We can (4) have a good view of Shanghai from the 88th floor in the tower.On January 1st the Shanghais New Year center by which Shanghai welcomes the new year was held in a great new structure，the Shanghai Arts Center(5).It is located in Putong and looks like a beautiful lighthouse(6) on its roof will shine with the music playing .I think you will like it.I hope you will have a special day at last .We will visit the Yu Garden，where the Shanghais traditional customs and culture can be seen.The food there is really delicious.

Hope you will come soon.(7) I cannot wait(8) to take you around and have a good time in Shanghai.(9)

Yours sincerely

Lin Hong

3.習(xí)作評(píng)改

這是一篇尚好的習(xí)作。開頭和結(jié)尾(格式)均正確，但正文中卻犯了一些初、中級(jí)語法和標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號(hào)錯(cuò)誤，如人名的首字母不應(yīng)該小寫。盡管如此，作者畢竟回答了題目要求，內(nèi)容也比較充實(shí)，使讀者讀起來頗感有趣。錯(cuò)誤修正：

⑴ 談?wù)?；談?wù)搶淼陌才艜r(shí)應(yīng)該用現(xiàn)在進(jìn)行時(shí)，不要用will。

⑵ 你在談?wù)撟罱鼛啄臧l(fā)生的情況，所以應(yīng)該用in (the) recent years。 原句especially in these recent years表達(dá)很別扭。

⑶ 給出建議時(shí)用cannot miss不合適，應(yīng)該用should seize 。

⑷這個(gè)表達(dá)不夠準(zhǔn)確，改成get a good birds-eye view 。

(5)原句結(jié)構(gòu)混亂，句意不明，參看修改后的句子。

(6)結(jié)構(gòu)混亂，語意不明。

(7)你知道你的朋友要來，所以這句話是多余的。

(8)表達(dá)要多樣化，這種表達(dá)第一段已用過，可改為 am anxious。

⑼是要讓朋友玩得好，不是自己玩得好，應(yīng)該在have 前加 let you 。

4.習(xí)作范文

Dear Lily，

I am very glad that you are coming to shanghai this summer.I cannot wait to meet you at the airport and show you around Shanghai.

As we all know，Shanghai is the biggest city in China.In recent years，many great changes have taken place in Shanghai.She is a sea of which absorbs different cultures and customs ，but has developed her own very unique identity.

Jinmao Tower is one of most well-known Shanghais symbols.You really should seize the chance to visit it.We can get a good birds-eye view of Shanghai from the 88th floor in the tower.On January 1st the Shanghais New Year Center held an evening party to welcome the arrival of New Year in a great new structure，the Shanghai Arts Centre.It is located in Putong and looks like a beautiful lighthouse with the music playing on its shining roof.I think you will like it.I hope you will have a special day at last .We will visit the Yu Garden，where the Shanghais traditional customs and culture can be seen.The food there is really delicious.

I am anxious to take you around and let you have a good time in Shanghai.

Yours sincerely

Lin Hong ★