海邊的記憶

吳慶和　譯

By Stephanie G.，Jim Thorpe，PA

安徽省蚌埠市五河一中吳慶和 譯

My mother has a lot of sayings but there is one that keeps running through my mind：“Time heals all wounds.Remember that，honey，and although its really hard and may seem impossible，your pain will ease.”

I was sitting on the beach，my bare feet dug deep in the warm sand.I looked up and stared at the setting sun.Its reflection in the water was a spectacular sight，a sight that used to make me feel hope and happiness.Now it just brought painful memories and made me wish I could turn back time.

It was eight months ago when he told me the news.

I was struggling with a math problem when my dad knocked quietly on my open door.I looked up and smiled.

“Hi，Daddy，” I greeted him.

“Hi，” he said and put all his weight on one foot，then the other.My dad always did that when something was on his mind.I studied him，trying to read his eyes to see what was troubling him，but he kept his head down.

“Whats wrong，Daddy?”

He smiled，“Youre so perceptive.I could never lie to you.” His smile faded and he walked to my bed，sitting on the corner，and studied me for a moment，wondering if I could handle what he was about to say.

“I received a letter，” he said，taking a deep breath.“You remember I was in the Army when you were really young，right?”

Of course，I remembered.I was six when my father joined the Army.My mother always told me how much she missed him when he was away and I had missed him just as much.He was never home，and it hurt to see my friends with their dads.One of my happiest moments was when he told me he was retiring and would be home all the time.

“Yes，” I said slowly，dreading what I would hear next.

“They say I have to go back.” He saw my expression and quickly added，“But only for a little while.If I stay six more months in Iraq，I can retire for good.”

My head was bowed，looking at my hands clamped together tightly in my lap.I looked up and saw his face and knew I couldnt be mad at him.It wasnt his fault.He looked pained as he waited for my reaction.I hugged him.He held me for a long moment and then studied my face.

“Youre very grown up now，I can tell.Thanks for being so mature and taking this so well.It makes it easier for me，too.”

He left my room and soon，after the most painful good-bye of my life，he was gone.

* * *

Four months later，my mother received a letter，a letter that changed my life forever.She read it over and over，not believing what it said.When she told me，I didnt believe it either.That night，I cried until my chest ached.My father had been stationed in Iraq when a bomb went off in a nearby car.He and three others had been killed.I kept thinking that this never would have happened if he hadnt been called back，but my mother later explained that there was a clause in his contract that said they could call him back if it were necessary.I had seen the news and heard about retired soldiers being called back into action.Some were really upset by the news，others were confused，but my father had taken the news without complaint and gone to Iraq.

* * *

The tide continued rising and the first wave hit my feet.I barely noticed the freezing cold water.I kept thinking that he had had only two months left over there and then he would have been home with us.It wasnt fair.I looked down at a seashell that brought back a lot of memories，memories of him and me at this very spot.

* * *

“Close your eyes and say whats troubling you，”he told me.I did as he said，then threw the shell as far into the ocean as I could.I counted the ripples as they formed.

“There，now that trouble will be gone for good.”

I did feel better.I had had a bad day in second grade.A kid in my class had made fun of me，saying I was short.Whenever something bad happened，my father and I would make our way to the beach and perform our ritual，and you know what，it worked every time.

“My grandfather told my father this secret and my father passed it down to me.Now you can pass it to your children.Whenever you want to forget something，a memory that is just too painful，throw a seashell and your memory will be lost in the ocean.”

* * *

Remembering this，I sprang up，grabbed the seashell，and pulled my arm back to throw it — then stopped.I couldnt throw away memories of my dad.I wouldnt trade those for anything.I just wanted the pain to stop.Then it hit me，as the sun was setting，as the tide was coming up，as my feet were beginning to grow numb — this place didnt bring back bad memories，only good ones.I closed my eyes and thought about the times my dad and I had come here.

I opened my eyes and looked around.The ocean was in front of me，the sun barely visible over the horizon.I looked to my left and then my right and realized I was the only one on the beach.I smelled the salty air，and smiled.It was the first smile since that horrible day.I smiled for the good memories of my dad.That smile stayed glued to my face as I made my way home.

I decided then that whenever I felt lonely or depressed，I would trek the three blocks to the beach，but instead of throwing seashells，I would collect them.I would collect the memories and store them in my mind so they would never be lost.

With the shell still clutched in my hand，I made my way home.When my mother saw me，I was still smiling，still remembering.The next day，she came down to the beach with me to collect seashells as the sun set.As we made our way back，she put her arm around me to give me a quick hug.

This is my favorite place，on the beach，with the setting sun，with the people I love，and a bucketful of memories.

媽媽給了我很多教誨，而有一句總在我腦海縈繞：“親愛的，你要記住，時間可以讓一切傷口愈合。不管景況有時侯是多么得糟糕，希望是多么渺茫，你的傷痛總會減輕的?！?/p>

我坐在沙灘上，光著的雙腳插在暖暖的沙里。凝望著夕陽，它的余輝映照海面，壯觀華美。曾經(jīng)，這海邊夕照讓我感到的是希望與幸福；而今，它給我?guī)淼闹挥斜吹挠洃?。我多么希望時光能倒轉(zhuǎn)。

那是八個月前的一天，他跟我說了這個消息。

當時我正在為解一道數(shù)學題絞盡腦汁，爸爸輕敲了我開著的房門。我抬頭向他笑道：“嘿，老爸?！?/p>

“嘿，”他單腳著力站著，一會兒又換另一只腳。我知道，在他心里有事時，他總是這樣。我認真地看著他，試圖從他的眼神中發(fā)現(xiàn)什么，但他老是不抬頭。

“怎么啦，老爸?”

“你真是個機靈鬼，我總瞞不過你?！彼Φ?。接著他的笑容隱去，走到我的床邊，坐在拐角處。他注視著我，好像在揣測我能不能承受他要說的話。

“我收到一封信，”他深深地吸了口氣說道?！拔以谲婈牱蹠r你還很小，記得嗎?“

我當然記得。爸爸去服役那年，我六歲。那時，媽媽總說他多么思念爸爸，而我也一樣想爸爸。但總盼不到他的歸來，每每看到其他小朋友跟爸爸在一起，我就難過。我一生中最快樂的時刻就是他告訴我，他要退役回家，將永遠和我們在一起。

“是的，記得，”我慢慢地答到，害怕接下來他會再說什么。

“他們說我得回部隊，”看到我的表情時，他趕快補充說道，“不會去很長時間的，要是在伊拉克呆滿六個月，我就可以永遠退役，安枕無憂了?！?/p>

我低下頭，雙手緊搓著放在腿間。抬眼望著爸爸，但我知道這不能怪他，我不能向他發(fā)脾氣。他等待著我的反應，表情很痛苦。我擁抱著他。他緊緊地抱著我，好長一段時間才松開。他注視著我的臉。

“你真的長大了，成熟多了，能承受這一切。這樣，我也會好過一些。”

他走出我的房間。很快，在那最痛苦的道別之后，他走了。

* * *

四個月后，媽媽收到一封信——一封永遠改變了我的命運的信。她不敢相信自己的眼睛，一遍又一遍地讀著。我也不信那會是事實。那一夜，我哭了很久，哭到胸口發(fā)痛。信上說，我爸爸的部隊駐扎在伊拉克某地，附近一輛汽車炸彈爆炸，我爸爸和另外三名士兵在爆炸中喪生。我一直在想著，要是當初他沒有被召回，這一切就不會發(fā)生了。但后來媽媽說，在當初的入伍合同中有一個條款規(guī)定，在必要時他們可以召回他。我也看過新聞，并聽說過老兵被召回參加軍事行動的消息。得到消息時，有的氣惱沮喪，有的困惑不解，而我爸爸卻毫無怨言，并隨后去了伊拉克。

* * *

潮水繼續(xù)上涌，第一個浪打到我的腳上，而我并沒有感覺到那冰冷的海水。我癡癡地想著，還有兩個月，爸爸就能回家和我們在一起了。老天真是太不公平了。我低下頭，看到一個海貝，它令我想起許多往事，那些我與爸爸在這海邊的往事。

* * *

“閉上眼睛并說出你的煩惱，”他對我說。我照他說的做了。他又說，把海貝扔向大海，越遠越好。海貝飛出去，我數(shù)著激起的波紋。

“看，煩惱都被扔到那兒啦?！?/p>

我確實感覺好多了。那時，二年級的我的確有過煩惱的一天。我班上一個家伙取笑我，說我是個矮瓜。不管遇到什么不幸的事，我和爸爸都會去沙灘，去丟海貝，而且每次都很靈驗。

“我的祖父跟我的爸爸講了這個秘密，我的爸爸又把秘密傳給了我。以后你可以把它再傳給你的孩子們。無論什么時候，當你想忘記什么，只要扔一個海貝，那你的不愉快的記憶就會消失在大海里，因為那樣的記憶太令人痛苦了?！?/p>

* * *

想到這，我奮起身抓起海貝，揚起手——但我的手停住了。我不能把我對爸爸的記憶扔掉。任何東西都不能換取我對爸爸的記憶。我只想不再悲痛，而悲痛卻向我襲來。當太陽西沉，海潮上涌，我的腳開始麻木時，我想，這里沒有悲傷往事，只有快樂的回憶。我閉上眼，回想著我與爸爸來這兒的時光。

睜開眼，環(huán)顧四周，大海浩瀚無邊，夕陽已快消失在海平線以下了。我左右看了看，發(fā)現(xiàn)只我一人在海灘上。海風撲面，帶著咸咸的味道，我笑了。 那噩耗之后的第一次笑。 我笑著，想著與爸爸一起的美好往事。當我朝家走時，我的笑還一直粘在臉上。

從那時起，我決定當我孤獨或是沮喪時，我就要走過三個街區(qū)，到海邊——不是去丟海貝，而是去撿拾它們。我要收集它們，把它們儲存在腦海，這樣，它們將永遠不會丟失了。

手里攥著海貝，我朝家的方向走著。當媽媽看到我時，我依然笑著，依然在記憶著。第二天，當太陽西沉時，她與我一起去沙灘撿海貝。當我們準備回家時，她迅速地擁抱了我一下。

夕陽映照下的沙灘，是我喜歡的地方，晚霞斜陽里有我所愛的人和海邊的記憶。★